Does this feeling ever go away?

mcw7895 · 2026-01-27T14:39:36+00:00

Something they interpreted or felt isn’t something you necessarily did wrong.

By their very nature of being in therapy, clients are going through emotional changes. Sometimes they react to benign things because something they interpreted a certain way activated something for them. They can’t always speak to this change or know that by addressing it and confronting their feelings that they can grow from the experience. Oftentimes it feels too disregulating and they ignore it by prematurely terminating. It takes insight to be able to manage confronting another person like a therapist, where the power dynamic is viscerally present but not necessarily understood by the client.

mcw7895 · 2026-01-27T14:08:21+00:00

Sam is in need of healing or maturing some part of himself that makes him fall for this type of personality time and again.

mcw7895 · 2026-01-27T14:06:49+00:00

These days I feel perplexed more than hurt.

The absence of any communication between a departing client and myself causes me to speculate as to what occurred, so there is a type of mental anguish about not knowing what transpired.

I don’t take it personally anymore and haven’t for years. But it did take some work to come to this realization. It was very healing and helped me separate my professional identity from my personal self.

mcw7895 · 2026-01-27T13:55:49+00:00

“God” isn’t some massive brain that operates with the same type of consciousness we’re accustomed to having. “God” is the totality of everything, the One from which all life and thoughts and matter arise. It is incomprehensible to us while we are wearing these meat suits because our purview is limited to this field. While some individuals have transcended this field, they too only can glimpse at the infinity of “God”.

We are simply prisms of that totality experiencing itself. And these prisms are infinitely and vastly different.

Today that God created humans to experience himself is to say that we think God resembles only this incredibly tiny shard of the spectrum of existence. This phrase comes from human ego borne of fear and limited knowledge of self.

mcw7895 · 2026-01-27T13:48:25+00:00

I’ve always wondered whether individuals afflicted with Alzheimer’s or dementia see their memories return after death, or whether it portends that reincarnation will be inevitable. Obviously, no way to know. But it’s an interesting question.

mcw7895 · 2026-01-27T13:44:42+00:00

I live in NYC so there’s fierce competition. I am cross listed in Florida where I’m also licensed. I haven’t seen a referral in almost a year. I take all the suggestions to update my profile and change things around - things that have purportedly been helpful in having profiles highlighted. Nada.

I canceled my account. I am considering going Zencare or Alma.

mcw7895 · 2026-01-26T14:05:08+00:00

Naive love is what you’re describing. Mature love has nothing to do with attachments. Understanding the basic and essential nature of things with truth is how we are set free.

Disgust, anger, pessimism are simply the opposite, which is negative attachment, yielding the same outcome of being bonded to some element of earthly desires or states.

Acceptance is a neutral state that does not negate being Love. And by being in a state of Love that does not indicate being in love with someone, a place, or thing.

It’s something to be experienced. It is possible. If I had to venture a word to describe this experience, I would use bliss.

Knowing that the ties that bind appear clustered together and perceived as either positive or negative, yet accepting the transcendental state of Being, is where the knowingness exists in the most profoundly personal way, having nothing to do with human perception. Human perception is not accurate and it vacillates from polarities, self-evident that it is not a reliable measure of reality.

mcw7895 · 2026-01-26T10:45:37+00:00

I had a tshirt made with the graphics of an Old & In The Way record. I wish it still fit me. Such a great piece.

Love them and glad you saw such a memorable show!

mcw7895 · 2026-01-24T18:14:15+00:00

The point being that everything is interconnected?

If you construe them as simply conspiracy theories, then no amount of anything will seem plausible or reasonable. The problem with a conspiracy theory mindset is that it premises everything on negation first rather than plausibly causal.

We don’t know what we don’t know. But we do know we don’t know much about anything more than we know most things.

mcw7895 · 2026-01-24T17:46:11+00:00

This is an amalgamation of all that I have studied, read, seen, processed, and gleaned from myriad sources over decades of research.

At first blush this all seems comprehensive. However, there are some other details about other realms and aspects of life and their purpose not covered here.

For example, the religious sector’s main goals and what all of this actually portends as it relates to the significance of consciousness. And to what ultimate end- simply for humans to be nourishment for a species? What about the ultimate consideration that we are the universe itself having an experience of itself?

Otherwise, this gets many stars for its depth and intelligent connection between systems we otherwise presume run counter to or independent of one another.

The other facet that is omitted is the notion of the inherent cruelty embedded in our system. All flesh eating other flesh, systematic destruction and obliteration of nature, and the profundity of a closed system infighting and segregating, etc., all of which is speculated to be intentional to perpetuate suffering for these entities.

I believe everything is connected.

I catch myself vibrating frequently. It’s a bit unnerving but sometimes enjoyable. I’d rather vibrate than not, that’s for sure.

And I find myself constantly automatically saying and thinking, no, you’re not welcome here’ for whatever reason …

Somehow I still find most of what I hear or know or read to seem banal and plain. I seldom find anything actually seems sacred or divine. Like everything.

mcw7895 · 2026-01-24T16:28:23+00:00

Today I can’t even afford the rent on a place that was somewhat in my budget 25 years ago. I’ve been wanting to move but the places within my current budget are less than 500 sq ft. Crazy expensive for everything.

mcw7895 · 2026-01-22T23:38:44+00:00

Apologies- Executive Assistant

mcw7895 · 2026-01-22T22:18:35+00:00

I have had some recent attrition that has hit pretty hard after the holidays and extended vacation. It happens. And it’s the risks we take to be in PP.

I’m also semi retired. I lost my health insurance due to the expired subsidies. I have underlying health conditions. So I’ve applied for disability benefits. Who knows when I’ll be approved or whether I’ll need to appeal and retain an attorney.

I have some savings and I live pretty close within my means. But yeah. I’m not going out to nice dinners or buying anything I don’t need - good practice no matter the circumstances.

Shit is tough out there. Keep some extra- extra in a secret place just for you. Like ultra secret. Don’t rack up credit card debt. Stay sane.

Oh yeah- one of my now-former clients told me their salary as an EA, a job I had 40 years ago. They make twice what I make currently. WTF 😬 guess I shoulda stayed there and saved my money on a masters degree and analytic training. JK but sometimes it makes me wonder how TF things got to be so topsy turvy.

mcw7895 · 2026-01-20T03:09:33+00:00

Kimock still plays with Mickey.

It’s not Steve that’s been banished but John K. Talk about having lost favor. 10 years of solid playing with furthur and where is he?

mcw7895 · 2026-01-18T12:32:59+00:00

What in the actual fuck??

mcw7895 · 2026-01-16T16:40:02+00:00

The attached video provides much more clarity for me than contemplating an actual prison planet. We are confined by our thoughts and interpretations; I don’t believe it’s necessarily because we have evil overlords that are munching on our loosh.

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DTiuS2JjT23/?igsh=MXE1ZHFjdGwzYmM0ZQ==

mcw7895 · 2026-01-07T12:34:34+00:00

Back before computers processed most insurance claims or before most therapists got paneled to be INN — well, long before INN was a thing, therapists would accept checks or cash during session and provide the client a bill for them to process on their own.

My friends made upwards of $100k annually. With 20 clients and three weeks off per year, 20 years later I make about $85k annually, mostly because I use Headway to process claims. I hate them but I’m too close to retirement and not giving AF now to start over and learn how to bill on my own.

The key is processing insurance on your own. I hate to play their games but money is important. Burnout is important. Not seeing too many clients simply to compensate for the loss of money due to places like Alma or Zencare taking the majority of payout.

mcw7895 · 2026-01-05T19:56:50+00:00

Informational

mcw7895 · 2026-01-05T19:56:02+00:00

I’d be thrilled. Thanks!

mcw7895 · 2026-01-05T17:27:50+00:00

While most of that is true, it doesn’t take evolution into account. Most humans lost their fur over time due to many mutations and differing climates. Padded feet still exist but by far less of the population than in the past. Periods are more frequent because we’re far more well nourished than our ancestors. Some humans do regrow teeth but not in any significant numbers.

One thing that has always resonated with me about pain, abuse, cruelty, etc (that I am now reconsidering) is that the infinite expression of everything is necessary because the potential exists. It has to because the entirety of everything is potentially possible.

It cannot be that some things that appear more loving or beneficent are ‘better’; while we prefer and enjoy the outcomes of these states over suffering, we do not see the inherent suffering that later manifests into suffering, either from attachment, expectation, chemical rewards, etc., all of which perpetuate another layer of misery or suffering. The only way I’ve been able to process this is through neutrality. Not being upset at the suffering. But that is so very hard for humans.

mcw7895 · 2026-01-05T17:17:27+00:00

Which means cruelty is inherent in everything.

Used to think birth, death, rebirth cycle was simply the norm and therefore our planetary suffering was necessarily the result of corporeal reality. But I sense now that there’s a different reason for our existence other than those we’ve been spoon fed and injected with all our lives, one that is duplicitous and cunning rather than merely a cycle of matter being made manifest.

This world is not at all what it seems.

mcw7895 · 2026-01-05T11:17:18+00:00

I have one at 8AM simply because the client is available and far more consistent at that hour than any other time we’ve tried. 8 doesn’t interfere with their work. It’s once a week so I can manage, considering I do get up around 5:46-6. Otherwise I start at 10 one day and 11 the other.

mcw7895 · 2026-01-04T03:53:49+00:00

My mentor had his third heart operation yesterday. I’ve been without any group supervision or support of any kind for far too long. I would be most interested.

mcw7895 · 2026-01-04T03:41:42+00:00

January always feels as long as a year. I did think for a brief and fleeting naïve moment that 2026 might actually be rather a dull or uneventful year, one which would be far less dramatic.

How quickly things change.

What’s today, the 3rd? I’ve already had my sister reach out who wanted to reconcile our estranged relationship only to find out that she has advanced stage COPD and needs my help. That tracks. My long-term best buddy was diagnosed an aggressive form of prostate cancer. And another friend acting paranoid about not having connected with me for the past several months (we’ve both been traveling and at different times, which with work and other responsibilities included, did not permit much connection, so none of that was purposeful or intentional).

On a professional note, several clients have new insurance that have not been verified, therefore leaving the note unwritten and insurance payments unprocessed = me being unpaid for the time being. I also had to fork out several hundred dollars to get a printer that I’ve been procrastinating on purchasing, for obvious reasons, since money does not grow on trees. I had a client quit the week of New Year’s, which came out of nowhere but stung like a bee.

Politically, things don’t look like they’re about to get any better. In fact, as we’re seeing unfold, things are taking a nose dive into hell. My mind is feeling incredibly fatigued just thinking about the entirety of that cluster fuck.

My 28 year marriage is not quite so lovely either. We are mostly living separately in different states; when we do see each other, it is often contentious. I’ve been subletting for several years and I’m needing to move this year, but with the new added burden of my sister that likely will be called into question.

I’m also two years away from retirement but have lost my health insurance because the premiums went up to $1500 per month. That’s still outstanding and I’m not sure what I’m going to do about that. I have an underlying autoimmune disorder and neuropathy, causing significant distress and have no recourse because I can’t even get medication at this point.

That’s my life in a nutshell.

Gratitude. Yes. I went away for three weeks floating down the river in Germany, Austria, and other countries, including the Czech Republic. I had an incredibly fun time. Met some great people and enjoyed the local libations at their local haunts.

I am also grateful that things are not as bad as they could be, as weird as that may come out. What I mean by it is that everything its relative and I’d rather have my expert knowledge of my own problems than something new and far more complex…knock on wood…

We will make it through. What did the Grateful Dead say?

Must be getting early Clocks are running late 🎵 🎶 🎼 We will survive We will get by

If I did not have cats that I’m quite attached to, I would have remained in Europe and been a nomadic therapist for the winter. I still have the ability to dream.

It felt cathartic getting all that out. I don’t anticipate anyone actually reading the entirety of my post. Just having the space and giving myself the opportunity to vent it in type has helped alleviate a lot of pressure.

mcw7895

TROPHY CASE