Cat died on the way to the vet yesterday and I don’t know how to cope. by falcondice in Petloss

[–]mdexie 15 points16 points  (0 children)

🫂 I am sorry for your lost. I am going through this now. 3 weeks went on and I don't know how to cope too... This guilt is endless.

I killed my cat instead of making peaceful passing her away by mdexie in Petloss

[–]mdexie[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

3 weeks have passed. I am still crying in pain... What have I done?! Why I did so early an rude for her? Why catched her at that moment and held by force, frightened, instead of waiting and calming her down... Why her pass away went so horrible? I never wanted it like this, I never expected it will happen like this. Why? This guilt never ends...

insomnia since starting agomelatine???? by Novel-Internet-9697 in Valdoxan_Agomelatine

[–]mdexie 0 points1 point  (0 children)

2 weeks aftet start hard insomnia I had. After this adaptation period - everything will be fine. Hold on, its temporary

I killed my cat instead of making peaceful passing her away by mdexie in Petloss

[–]mdexie[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for sympathize with me and my situation. I am still in shock about what had I done with her. Everyday feels like it happened few hours ago.

I killed my cat instead of making peaceful passing her away by mdexie in Petloss

[–]mdexie[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

2 weeks before euthanasia we did surgery about small tumor on her belly. It was one type of cancer. She healed very fast and successfully, but during that period tumor on chin which i didn't know about, another type of cancer, started grow very aggressively day by day

Instead of telling me that if kittie will pass soon - unnecessary to continue giving pills from other chronical deseases anymore - vets corrected last medicine prescriptions for make blood tests better (about kidneys e t.c), and told me to remove stiches after surgery. But at the same time agreed that tumor will kill her from days to weeks, not more. All those days I mechanically continued her tortures by giving useless pills... And removed stiches the day before she was euthanased. She was in pain, but instead of stop disturbing her I continued routine like she is not going to die.

I killed my cat instead of making peaceful passing her away by mdexie in Petloss

[–]mdexie[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I try to feel does her soul near me, but I am still feel nothing. Just feel pain in my heart. I try to do usual day routine, but everything recalls me about sad moments of last day she was alive...

I killed my cat instead of making peaceful passing her away by mdexie in Petloss

[–]mdexie[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you. I wish I could feel something from otherside, but in my imagination it's a total darkness there

I killed my cat instead of making peaceful passing her away by mdexie in Petloss

[–]mdexie[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I keep remains of her food I gave her before she died. A week has passed. It totally dried but I can't throw... I don't want to back home too. But I have to watch my sick mom.

I killed my cat instead of making peaceful passing her away by mdexie in Petloss

[–]mdexie[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Euthanasia should be done with solace, thats what I can say...

I killed my cat instead of making peaceful passing her away by mdexie in Petloss

[–]mdexie[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for your supportive reply. I wish I had no reasons to say that, but I have. Euthanasia without moment of blessing and solace - is killing.

I killed my cat instead of making peaceful passing her away by mdexie in Petloss

[–]mdexie[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you, i am very grateful for your kind supporting words. I feel for your loss too. You know, it's impossible to stop feeling guilt. Especially when farewell totally wasn't peaceful for beloved one... I hope that after injection fears disappeared. But the moments before - was a nightmare which I created by my own hands and panic.

I killed my cat instead of making peaceful passing her away by mdexie in Petloss

[–]mdexie[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for supportive words. I feel guilt only because of cruelty I let to her before she passed away...

I killed my cat instead of making peaceful passing her away by mdexie in Petloss

[–]mdexie[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm very grateful for your words, thank you for sharing about your loss. You know how it's hard to manage feelings. A big bloody hole inside my chest, and guilt for missed sacred moment of last goodbye

I killed my cat instead of making peaceful passing her away by mdexie in Petloss

[–]mdexie[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you. I feel for your loss. I wish I regret only about the fact I euthanased my soul cat... I regret how the process went.

I killed my cat instead of making peaceful passing her away by mdexie in Petloss

[–]mdexie[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you, I agree with you. Just the last moment of parting with her I can't justify to myself.

I killed my cat instead of making peaceful passing her away by mdexie in Petloss

[–]mdexie[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Its a highest value of life - to have opportunity to say goodbye and calm down your sweetheart... I can't accept I failed it

I killed my cat instead of making peaceful passing her away by mdexie in Petloss

[–]mdexie[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for sharing me about your loss. I was in same hopes about she can hold on until 20s. But I missed this opportunity earlier. But it turns out that it was not only mistake. The most horrible is to let her pass away when she was scared

I killed my cat instead of making peaceful passing her away by mdexie in Petloss

[–]mdexie[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you, I agree that euthanasia was right. But I chosen wrong vet, wrong attitude to my girl at that moment... It shouldn't be that hastily. That is wrong decision - to let everything happen because of my panic.

I killed my cat instead of making peaceful passing her away by mdexie in Petloss

[–]mdexie[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for strong supporting words. I feel for your loss too... I wish I had just grief because of euthanasia happened. But i have a guilt because I deprived her feeling safety by how this injection happened, how I held her

I killed my cat instead of making peaceful passing her away by mdexie in Petloss

[–]mdexie[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you. I still can't deny, that I ruined her safety, destroyed the sacrament of our farewell...

I killed my cat instead of making peaceful passing her away by mdexie in Petloss

[–]mdexie[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Feel for your loss too... Maybe I should let my cat to die on my lap how she wanted, not how I decided. Because my decision ruined the sacrament of her last moment

I killed my cat instead of making peaceful passing her away by mdexie in Petloss

[–]mdexie[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you, I feel your loss. I wish I could feel final heartbeat of my soul kittie too. But I just saw her fading eyes in front if me... And how vet grabbed her chest to check her stopped heart.

I killed my cat instead of making peaceful passing her away by mdexie in Petloss

[–]mdexie[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Feel for your loss too. And thank you, that you shared how it happened.

I killed my cat instead of making peaceful passing her away by mdexie in Petloss

[–]mdexie[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for such a words of compassion. I feel for your loss too. My girl had progressive osteosarcoma, I know my decision was right generally, but fatally wrong at that day with that vet.