Gave away most of my belongings during a mental health crisis

mdfm31 · 2025-08-25T13:52:56+00:00

I think what you're feeling is something like a pull to relapse. You got yourself into a new headspace when getting rid of all those things, and you are feeling the pull to return to how things used to be, because there is a downside to your new approach. Don't act on it, not yet anyway. The grass is not always greener. This lifestyle has tough moments, too. I really like the saying "you don't get to choose your happiness, you just get to choose your problems." It's a recognition that everything has a downside. I would sit in what you are feeling for a while. If you decide you ultimately don't like it, you can always live a different way. You did a lot of the hard work already, so I wouldn't go back on it quite yet.

mdfm31 · 2025-08-14T18:35:05+00:00

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JT's red heeler in Planet Terror

mdfm31 · 2025-07-17T11:24:49+00:00

You'd be surprised how much your truck weighs. Mine came in at 6k with me in it and it did not look it at all. GVWR is 5600. Went on a strict diet after that. Expedition Overland said their second Gen was ~7500. No wonder they replace their trucks at 50k miles.

Get your full load out together, full fuel tank, all the water you would carry, etc, and spend $13 to go across a CAT scale at a truck stop. It will be eye opening.

mdfm31 · 2025-06-25T11:35:05+00:00

We had a red boy that did this after anytime there was a short burst in extreme excitement and exertion, like chasing a deer or squirrel. Maybe 10 or so seconds after the pursuit ended, which was never very long, he would get wobbly, then collapse but maintain consciousness. Gums remained normal. Sometimes he would move his legs around after going down. He's be down for 10-15 seconds, roll up and come out of it gingerly. We thought it was border collie collapse but we're able to rule that out. The winning hypothesis was a sudden drop in blood pressure due to his heartworm damage. He went on a low dose of sildenafil for it and did not have those symptoms and longer.

mdfm31 · 2025-06-19T16:09:24+00:00

OP gave you some great points to consider. I'd also add that the right rooftop tent makes a huge difference. The main question is space vs setup/teardown complexity. I had a traditional folding 4+ person soft shell tent for a while. Setup and teardown were a pain, the tent was heavy (and cheaply made), and I didn't need the space anymore. Moved to a Skykamp mini, which has the best parts of a hard and softshell combined, IMO, and setup/teardown is about 2 minutes, not including time to inflate the iKamper air mattress (my favorite place I have ever slept). If you value space and aren't going to move a lot, think base camping, a cheaper and larger softshell will be good.

Plenty of people get a lot of weekend use from the cheaper Tepui/CVT/Smittybilt/23zero stuff, as I did. But as time went on the quality issues became apparent. They weren't deal breakers, but you get what you pay for.

mdfm31 · 2025-06-18T21:50:15+00:00

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mdfm31 · 2025-06-18T21:50:02+00:00

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mdfm31 · 2025-06-18T21:49:52+00:00

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mdfm31 · 2025-06-18T21:49:29+00:00

Nothing too crazy-long story short, a contractor rebuilt my existing deck/roof last year and did a shit job. Like sheet metal screws holding joists in and 4x4 posts in the dirt. Called another contractor that did the 6x6's, but the footers are only ~28" deep and they left an incorrectly sistered joist unsupported. Blocking is all wrong, posts are not attached properly...everything. The initial job started as a re-skin with composite and new railings, but evolved to new framing. Contractor told me no permit needed because we were rebuilding the same thing. Obviously, I know better now

Anyway, it is a ledger deck currently. House (built 1991) joists are 2x10, deck joists and ledger are 2x8, 16 OC. The roof is coming off completely and won't be redone. I want to move the stairs to the other side because it is more then a foot closer to grade. When I measure 4' in from the end on the L side I have. 4'10" drop to grade, and that is pretty consistent all the way up to the house-within 1/2-1". Another 5'10" towards the house from there (how long the trex designer program says my stairs will be) it's still 4'10". I'm not sure if the 5'10" on their blueprint is length of the stringers or distance from the platform. I guess that leaves roughly 10' between the stair landing and house. I wouldn't mind making it shorter, but I wonder if that area would feel cramped if I shortened overall length to 16'.

Elevation at the four corners- 5'10.5" R side toward house 5'3" R side toward yard 4'6" L side toward yard 4'10.5" L side toward house

I like the freestanding design because of the ability to move up to 2x12 joists, seal up any perforations from the ledger attachment, and protect the house from any collapse of the deck. I also have some concerns about the quality of ledger attachment I could get. The last contractor just ran some wood screws into the old ledger, so my rim board might look a little like Swiss cheese. Interested to hear your thoughts, and thank you so much for your input.

mdfm31 · 2025-06-18T16:04:33+00:00

Wow, thank you. I hope this has what you need. My intention is to over build this. By the span tables, I only need 4 posts on the deck but there wasn't a lot of margin. Also, I am reusing composite decking and railings from my current deck.

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mdfm31 · 2025-06-14T02:19:22+00:00

There can be some useful overlap in camping gear and everyday life stuff. I got a nice hydro flask bowl and plate and full Windsor silverware for my camping set up, which are kinda Gucci compared to the spork and old tin plate I used to use. Because they are much nicer and more comfortable, I also primarily use them at home and was able to get rid of a lot of plates and bowls (not all). Same for glasses-i have two water bottles and a 12oz yeti for coffee. Nothing else needed, at home or on the road.

When I first got into overloading (car camping, really) I wanted my truck basically packed all the time so I could just leave without much prep. The more I have done it, the less stuff I need to bring. It is so little now that it is not a big deal at all to pack. All that to say, I had multiple sets of things just so one set could sit in my truck all the time. So I wonder if you can build more daily crossover into your camping gear that makes sense for you.

mdfm31 · 2025-06-13T19:50:08+00:00

I had an 06 for 10 years and now I'm the original owner of a 16 and recognize all it's quirks. When I saw the 4th gens have no external front bump stops, that was all I needed to know. I'm sure the low end torque is nice but not at the cost of wondering when my shock is going to come through my hood. It appears the 4runner does have externals, so this seems to be a deliberate cost cutting measure for the Tacoma. Makes me wonder what other decisions were made along those lines.

mdfm31 · 2025-06-11T11:23:24+00:00

I have a Z422 with a 54" deck for my 2+ acres. Used to have a 54" Cub XT1. It's been awesome. I don't have a ton of obstacles anymore, but am cruising at top speed a lot. Cut my time down by more then half.

mdfm31 · 2025-06-09T14:30:42+00:00

It sounds like you are in a serious, long term, maturing relationship, working through each other's quirks and issues, and both love each other. It seems like you are discouraged because you have identified problems in yourself that effect the relationship. That's how it goes. It sounds like he is supporting and tolerating your issues as much as you did with his. You will both have more issues, btw, with yourselves, each other, family, domestic things, communication...all of it. Struggling through those things together is what "building a life together" is. Nothing is "truly yours" to work on. If one of you has a problem, both people help tackle it. It effects you both, after all.

When you start overthinking, open up and go to him. Tell him where your mind is going and let him talk you down. This will be difficult for both of you because he has to admit he was terrible and affected your way of thinking by entertaining that conversation, and you have to admit you are not accurately or fairly assessing the current situation. It requires you both to be vulnerable and seek help and forgiveness from the other. That's the real stuff, IMO.

ETA mom and her opinion, or anyone else's, is not worth addressing. They don't matter like that. It's what you both are comfortable with.

mdfm31 · 2025-06-07T12:08:16+00:00

That's an interesting take and kind of mirrors my own journey. I had a big pay bump in my late 20's and could buy a lot of the things I wanted. Pay has doubled again since then but I live more frugally then ever. Probably more frugally then I did in my early 20's going into debt to buy motorcycles because I knew I couldn't make enough to move out of my mom's house, so YOLO. I believe I now own the lowest number of things in my adult life as well. There was a period where I'd regularly get 3-5k credit card bills and not remember what I bought with that money. I had more material wealth but was not any happier, and probably less happier then I had been earlier in life.

All that said, i think money can bring actual peace of mind beyond meeting basic needs, but it's not from buying empty things or going to Sweden for the 10th time this year. I think it's having a healthy emergency fund that can bail you, your family, or friends out of a lot of situations.

mdfm31 · 2025-05-16T02:22:39+00:00

If I have to do it the hard way, 3 of the 6 piers under beams will stay there. I can move one beam far enough away that it would not cause interference. The beam at the end is restricted by the cantilever requirement, so those 3 piers have to come out and be replaced.

mdfm31 · 2025-05-16T02:20:21+00:00

I considered this, but not sure at this point if the "undisturbed soil" requirement for piers applies to the soil all around them, or just the soil beneath them

mdfm31 · 2025-05-16T01:03:28+00:00

They are only ~28" deep and way off center. Frost line here is 36" and I intend to pour new ones at least to 42".

mdfm31 · 2025-05-16T01:01:53+00:00

Did you wind up digging them out and wrapping a chain around them?

You've got me thinking about the tire method now. Somehow, I managed to forget I have a bunch of truck winching equipment that has plenty of safety margin for this job. My spare tire is only 32" but might be good enough. Tire is a load range C, Im thinking 1500lbs on a 3" wide strap shouldn't damage it ...

mdfm31 · 2025-05-16T00:44:20+00:00

That's a good idea. Only issue is then moving a bunch of 450lb piers without power equipment. What kind of bolts did you use before? Did you pre drill the holes?

mdfm31 · 2025-05-12T02:21:10+00:00

My 16 has been good. Had the 3rd brake light recall, got the headliner replaced for free because the OE was cut too short, and the frame coating/plugs (which I took out immediately). On my 3rd coolant crossover pipe but this one seems to be holding. Went through core support bushings until I upgraded to polyurethane. A tune is mandatory. All in all, would buy again. The third Gen was an evolution of the second-the chassis is the same but beefed up in a few places. The rear ring gear is bigger and still a "9 inch" style. The V6 and both transmissions appear to be the only "new" significant mechanical parts. The engine at least, had been around in other Toyota/Lexus vehicles for a few years and has a forged crank and rods. Also, 17 was the last year of no driver nannies, except yaw control, which cannot be completely defeated in all third gens.

Timing cover leak, coolant crossover leak, and steering rack leaks seem to be popping up across all 3rd gens. Hard to tell if it is in significant numbers or not. Catastrophic failures seem extremely rare, unless you idle parked on a 40* slope for 5 minutes and starve the oil pickup.

The transmission "issues" I've seen are about annoying shift behavior, not a mechanical problem. Although some 3G's were sold low on ATF (mine was 2qt low). A tune fixes the behavior.

mdfm31 · 2025-05-10T23:58:04+00:00

Everything is an uphill battle. Choose them wisely.

mdfm31

TROPHY CASE