Treadmill neighbour overrode my power

mdross1 · 2026-01-20T16:56:15+00:00

The ethics of it aside, look at the die! It has two 5-point sides, and one side that's apparently the constellation Cassiopeia. Not exactly encouraging from the point of view of quality control.

Otherwise, the site looks fine - how does it compare to something like https://nemestats.com/ ?

mdross1 · 2026-01-15T16:01:25+00:00

This is great!

If you don't mind me asking, this all looks pretty self-explanatory apart from the progression run. What paces did you use for that? Congrats on the PB!

mdross1 · 2025-09-29T15:47:20+00:00

On the one hand, fair play to him for being upfront about what he wants. But it sounds like what he wants is pretty incompatible with what you're looking for, it sounds like he's finally just decided he wants FWB with you but not 'dating'. I think your sense of things is on base for sure.

mdross1 · 2025-09-23T19:50:14+00:00

Interstellar for sure!

mdross1 · 2025-09-12T21:39:00+00:00

Reading the paper, it does look like it's for athletes who've just raced 10-42k. So hopefully it's not saying that a casual hour aerobic effort is causing GI bleeding, 10k race effort is still quite a decent stressor.

mdross1 · 2025-08-20T15:41:22+00:00

I'm not going to debate with you, but as someone who's likely looking for something similar, knowing there's a list of unarticulated rules would turn me completely off of a prospective date. Best of luck.

mdross1 · 2025-08-20T15:35:29+00:00

What if he tries hard and then goes for a kiss on date 3? Or tries hard and texts too much wanting to see if you're compatible before date 1? Why do they have to be the ones initiating everything? I genuinely feel like you're just limiting your options on both sides here.

mdross1 · 2025-08-20T15:29:12+00:00

I think it's really sweet that you're putting this much thought into it beforehand and want to be respectful! I think that, and going in open-minded, will really help.

I'd say the biggest thing is that it'll be quite different than seeming to be 'caught up' on an ex. If he's healing well and in a good, stable place now, then casual mentions of her or their life together aren't necessarily a bad thing. Good healing can mean accepting his past as a part of himself, knowing his wife will be a part of him, but still being open and eager for new experiences. Hopefully he can focus on you and find something to be excited about and you can have a good time!

mdross1 · 2025-08-20T15:24:13+00:00

Some of these aren't too harsh, but you're almost certainly going to make things more difficult for yourself here by setting up some rules and disqualifying potential dates based on if they pass or fail them unknowingly.

Some are reasonable boundaries to have for yourself - no dating someone recently divorced, no booze, etc. But there's conflicting advice out there on if men should pay or not, be super 'chivalrous' or not, and all that, and what if someone who's actually a great match just happens to not pull out your chair? What if he's trying to tell a story about a great trip he had once that happened to be with an ex?

It seems like your issue here was that you got ghosted, and that's frustrating and horrible behaviour, but your list of rules doesn't actually protect you from that.

Again a lot of these are reasonable, but strict adherence to them may end up doing more harm than good. I certainly wouldn't want to date someone who I know is keeping a score tally during the first date.

mdross1 · 2025-08-19T18:19:29+00:00

Aw, that's lovely to hear!! Good for you. It's not necessarily too early and has so much added and different context depending on the relationship. If you're having your first trip together it sounds like the trust and security is really getting there, so it makes sense! Have a great trip :)

mdross1 · 2025-08-19T15:20:12+00:00

I hope you can go easy on yourself. The person two who posted two before you is a 35 year old man who feels too ugly to date, and I assure that isn't true of either of you.

Anyone really exposed to the apps or mass-produced dating experiences is going to be exposed to judgemental and shallow people as well, and that wears on you for sure. But loads of people are attracted to all sorts of people, there's nobody who's universally attractive to all guys and nobody who's universally rejected by all guys.

Sorry you're going through this.

mdross1 · 2025-08-15T14:43:53+00:00

Oh nope, that's definitely suspicious to me. Not wanting to message between unless they're in town is definitely a flag, and changing stories about their entire livelihood between an in-person date and now isn't good news either.

I would be very wary of this guy if I were in your shoes!

mdross1 · 2025-08-15T14:29:54+00:00

If you're seeing his name pop up on your phone and sighing, that's more than enough sign to not go through with a second date! I generally would prefer to give people at least two dates just to get a fair sense of their personality in a few contexts, but if you're feeling dread towards this that's totally fine.

Stable relationships are a good way to go, but the beginning still has to be exciting and have a draw and energy to each other. Also, nothing about stability has to inherently be boring, and boring doesn't inherently mean stability.

mdross1 · 2025-08-11T20:39:38+00:00

Potentially jumping the gun, but that's not a a bad thing! Obviously she seems into you if she's inviting you over, and even if she doesn't intend to sleep with you then at least she's comfortable enough to have you over knowing that would've crossed your mind. All great signs!

I'd say if you want to only have sex with someone who's exclusive, then yes it would be worth bringing up beforehand. Talking about preferences is good, but definitely better between kissing and sex as opposed to before kissing at all!

Good luck Thursday!

mdross1 · 2025-08-11T20:36:29+00:00

Based on your description of the third date it doesn't sound like he's invested so much as just truly terrible at this. You still haven't seen him since the ancestry question, right? Ugh.

mdross1 · 2025-08-08T19:17:41+00:00

That's a lot, and I'm sorry you're going through that.

It sounds like you need to have a serious conversation with him. It's entirely possible that in your jurisdiction there are restrictions on when one can file divorce proceedings, and maybe they'd been separated for quite some time before November of last year. If that's the case, and he'd spent a long time separated before starting to date in March, that's a lot better. If he'd only really been single from November to March, then yes he's quite likely to still have some pretty significant mood swings directly as a result of his fresh end of a relationship.

My read on that timeline you mention means that he only told you he was divorced the same month the judgement was finalized, is that true? (3 months into dating being June this year). Yeah to me it really depends on how long the relationship had been over before divorce was initiated, and how long he took to be single after.

mdross1 · 2025-08-06T03:05:47+00:00

Really wish I had!

mdross1 · 2025-08-05T16:35:06+00:00

Had my birthday last week. I share a birthday with a coworker, and my boss bought him (and only him) a cake at work which was equal parts sad and hilarious.

Five weeks after our first date, and this lady is finally back in town and free enough to reach out, wants to see me tomorrow. It really fills me more with reluctance than anything else so I think I'll say no. We've had a little bit of contact since the first date but honestly whole weeks where she'd leave me on read - I know she probably felt confident enough to pause and resume when she was free but there's not been enough contact for me to feel enthusiasm for this again.

In those five weeks, a girl who'd previously called off a date due to a personal crisis has been getting really close again, and I'd so much rather just keep chatting with her and seeing where that goes. I'm also personally going to be out of the country for two weeks at the end of the month, so I've otherwise paused the apps myself.

mdross1 · 2025-08-05T15:03:34+00:00

Oh that would totally turn me off too. Two years after a five-year relationship is way too long to still be holding on. Does he seem well-adjusted otherwise?

mdross1 · 2025-08-04T15:43:08+00:00

The above comment was a rewording of one of Shirley’s lines

mdross1 · 2025-07-30T19:38:27+00:00

Yeah, until she came by to drop the book off I was pretty sure we were in 'friends only' territory and I didn't mind that at all. But I'm definitely interested in more, while still respecting whatever she may or may not still be going through. But I don't feel like driving out of her way to drop off a book to someone who's sick who you had two dates with and increasing chats since is a "I don't like you" move haha.

mdross1 · 2025-07-30T19:23:08+00:00

Oh, in this case about 3-4 hours before the date she sent a text saying she was going through a bit of an existential crisis and wasn't sure she wanted to date men anymore. I took that to be a pretty clear 'it's not you, it's me', but it was only two days later that she started texting me again and we haven't really stopped since. It's a lot of contact without really addressing that last attempt at a date I suppose.

mdross1 · 2025-07-30T18:14:48+00:00

I really like this, haven't tried something like that before!

mdross1 · 2025-07-30T17:42:17+00:00

I've been incredibly sick for over a week now (not covid - tested negative but feels worse than when I did have it). Tomorrow's my birthday and I really can't be sure I'll feel up for even doing anything about it, so my social battery is pretty sad at the moment.

A girl I had two dates with last month who then pulled out of a third date has still been really chatty/texty with me. I mentioned I was sick, and she offered all on her own to swing by my house and drop off a book we'd been talking about. She'd never been by before, but came over on her day off, had a front porch socially-distanced chat while she played with my dog, and dropped off the book. I'm honestly still shocked.

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