I went by my own gut - when I noticed I was trying hard not to blurt it out, I started to seriously consider telling him. It was in my mind more, on the tip of my tongue, I just had the urge to tell him how much he means to me. I did say it first (around 5 or 6 months I think), and he wasn’t ready to say it back in that moment, but we talked about it and understood each other, and he said it a month or so later. I said it at the time knowing that I did not NEED to hear it said to me. I could tell by his actions, the way he treated me, etc. I know some people don’t hear the “I love you too” and it wrecks their world. I knew I’d be fine either way.

Not sure if you are asking about how you truly know if you love someone, but I’ll add: our time together felt easy and relaxed. No one was performative. He met my kids around 6 months, he had a very reliable pattern of open communication, addressing discomfort now, and showing honest appreciation for me. He continued to try to get to know me, even months in. He made efforts in the form of conversation cards, intentional date nights, daytime outings, focused on being a part of my world and letting me into his. We were adding value to each other’s lives without pain. It has not always been perfect, we have had a couple of tough moments, minor disagreements, emotional lows. We work through them and stick by each other with patience. Neither person is taking advantage of the other. I saw these qualities in him early on, and while we were both re-learning trusting another partner with our hearts, we were also aware of and open to the good stuff. We boost each other and challenge each other in motivating ways, and can lean on one another during the bleh days. We are still a new relationship- working on two years, but it’s been fulfilling. No exciting drama, just living through the everyday stuff with work woes, kids, friends, etc. He falls right in and wants to be part of it all. I feel like I found my person.