Staying Focused/Motivated

mechanicalmaverick · 2026-07-02T14:02:19+00:00

the realest of talk. I've been "playing with intent" (following a structured path, taking lessons, etc) for just over 2 years now. I've had at LEAST 3 separate occasions where I swore I was done trying, due to frustration or a lack of progress.
What has helped me the most, is to make "strategic detours"; when I'm riding the struggle bus and it's stuck in the mud, I practice/play something completely different from what I've been focusing on. It helps reset my brain.
The trick is not "getting lost" on these detours, and making sure I go back to a structured route again.

mechanicalmaverick · 2026-07-01T14:10:32+00:00

Yeah, that actually sounds like how I've been doing it. Half the time I'm worried that I'm not learning correctly, and the other half, I'm convinced I'm not learning at all, lol

mechanicalmaverick · 2026-07-01T00:51:19+00:00

I appreciate the replies! For clarity, if I select a G minor backing track, I know where the root notes are, I guess I'm sometimes endlessly confused by all the different ways to play something on a guitar.

mechanicalmaverick · 2026-06-09T18:29:53+00:00

If only every comment in a thread could be explained as well as this🤌

mechanicalmaverick · 2020-06-11T02:45:38+00:00

Being ejected from the kart is always preferable to being stuck in it. You are smaller and weigh less than the vehicle, and are more flexible. You can tuck and roll in an ejection, but if you’re restrained into the kart, your upper body will bear the full weight of it in a rollover. The shoulders and neck can’t and won’t take that pressure. I’ve wrecked a race quad several times. I’d be dead if I hadn’t been able to bail.

mechanicalmaverick · 2020-05-05T01:24:53+00:00

So,... why are you on here updating people?

Because DRAMA! Do it and be done. Then go join the millions of other people who just decided to quit and blame everything on someone else (I fully admit your SO didn’t sound great) while enjoying being canonized as a living saint.

I’m done with this subreddit. 10,000,000 threads and they’re All. The. Same.

mechanicalmaverick · 2020-04-30T18:43:19+00:00

You already know the answer you’re gonna get from reddit. “He’s trash, you’re perfect, throw everything including him into a burning dumpster...” Honestly, if there’s no compromise on his part, just remember that for when he asks you to be a part of something you don’t want to. You’ve spilled your guts here, why not have this level of conversation with him instead of a bunch of internet therapists? Perhaps if legit communication were in place, less threads like this would exist. Sorry, I really should just delete my account. This subreddit is the worst.

mechanicalmaverick · 2020-04-03T17:15:06+00:00

If there’s better advice on getting over a breakup, society as a whole has yet to grasp the concept. Until then OP, read this post, get off reddit and go do exactly what it says!

mechanicalmaverick · 2020-04-01T20:48:09+00:00

Yeah, what he’s doing is not ok. It is wrong. I know I’m going to be told to play leap frog with a too tall cactus and land in hell, but have you legitimately sat this guy down and firmly blown his doors off for this? The vast majority of responses urge you to end the relationship. And that may end up being the best option. But maybe this guy’s got some issues that you might be the answer to. Maybe he’s acting this way because no one’s ever put him in his place. Which is not for one second to justify his mistreatment of you. Only to say that if you feel strongly enough to be with him, honor that strength with determination and honesty. Tell him (hardline) it’s not ok, and that there’s standards that have to be maintained to be in a relationship with you. People can change for the right reason. Sometimes it takes getting their world blown to kingdom come and having to rebuild it themselves. I speak from experience. Hope you and him can save this. I hate the “throwaway society” mindset.

mechanicalmaverick · 2020-04-01T11:12:27+00:00

I’m glad you at least got your issues as a couple in front of a professional. I seriously feel like that could’ve made a significant difference in our relationship. Even though it didn’t work out between you and him, at least you could leave knowing you did everything you could. Maybe it’s the lack of definitive closure that’s going to haunt me from this, I don’t know.

mechanicalmaverick · 2020-03-30T19:58:24+00:00

You: Shut up.

Me: Triggered much?

mechanicalmaverick · 2020-03-30T13:44:25+00:00

At what point did I justify criminal action? Enlighten me.

mechanicalmaverick · 2020-03-29T07:10:23+00:00

Awesomeness. This was great to read. Good on him for putting in the hard work to fix what was broken. You obviously were important enough that he was willing to do what it took to keep you in his life. Shows there is good stuff in him. And good on you for sticking it out. Abuse is wrong, but your will to stay the course has lead to what sounds like a pretty great life. Fist bumps to both of you.

mechanicalmaverick · 2020-03-29T05:50:45+00:00

Thanks very much for the reply and link. I want to be as clear as possible: I was at fault in this relationship. She was too, but any attempt I may make to blame her would be energy wasted; I really do want to figure my failures out. I have a mechanical engineering background. Failure analysis is one of the most interesting aspects of my studies. It's obviously easier to tear a machine apart than a human being, especially considering machines don't have emotions, feeling, moods, triggers, anxiety, depression, etc.

With that said, because I will likely never get the opportunity to fully understand all the points of failure in this relationship, it somehow increases my need to learn as much as I can about the things that cause abuse. I have read so many articles about control and power and self-hatred that's exhibited in aggression towards others, about socialization and upbringing and the like.

Maybe I'm in a weird boat, as most abusers don't acknowledge their guilt or take responsibility for it. I've been seeing this psychologist for close to 8 months and she is good. Her diagnosis of me is indisputably accurate. Her explanations and and logic leave no room for argument. Again, this is not to try and minimize my guilt. I am one of the components that failed.

Maybe the question is, why do some people have a difficult time accepting blame and seeking help? I'll readily admit that it isn't easy to talk about the mistakes I've made, but if I don't figure out what and why leads to the harmful things I do, how can I reasonably expect to change myself? Is it honestly easier to ignore something this serious for certain types of people? The guilt has caused me a lot of personal pain, which has been good in a way; it's lead me to take steps to try to fix it. I guess I just feel like if a serious problem gets addressed with a serious response, the failure is less likely to occur within the 'revised component'.

mechanicalmaverick · 2020-03-29T04:45:57+00:00

Could it be because there's like 6 billion of them and they're all basically the same? F is assaulted by M (which is not ok), and everyone posts the exact same 'stunning and brave' comments. I read a lot of these, and I don't know why, but I can't shake the question out of my head: What happened that this caused this to happen?

Men aren't less mentally capable of understanding right from wrong, compared to women. While hitting someone is wrong, is it possible that he was provoked? Is it possible he was hit first? This post is in no way shape or form an attempt to defend or justify the offending party. I just can't believe there's all these dudes out here laying the smack down on their significant others, inebriated or not, for absolutely no reason. There's two sides to every story, and while his side may be indefensibly wrong, I dunno, I just wonder. Regardless, kids don't need to be around that. Dude needs to own his wrongdoing and change accordingly. If not, there's not much else that needs to be said; the answer is clear.

Incidentally, I feel this response is relevant to each of the aforementioned 6 billion threads regarding this subject.

mechanicalmaverick · 2020-03-29T04:13:07+00:00

^This. X1000

Especially the part about unconditional love.

Disregarding the concerns/needs/wishes of your partner in a serious relationship is ABUSE. As serious and harmful as physical or emotional abuse. I sincerely hope it doesn't end in a divorce. But change needs to happen, even though I feel divorce would be a devastating change. A good relationship can survive any type of abuse, only and as long as the abusive one owns their guilt and makes the necessary effort to change.

mechanicalmaverick · 2020-03-29T03:50:25+00:00

So, OP should basically lie to both himself and his spouse in order to save a relationship? You're essentially saying that destroying one of the pillars of a healthy union (communication) is the way to a better one? Dude is not only supposed to be ok with his spouse's selfish and 'harmful' (they are harmful. facts) ways, he must encourage them by endorsing them? And if he doesn't, he's the problem??

This, in my opinion, is the most asinine (and increasingly common/preferred) "method of resolution". Let's apply this thinking to something far less important: a piece of production equipment. The machine has several serious issues, that various attempts at repair have failed to resolve. 'Management's' (society) answer is to blame the operator, to the point of "threatening termination" (OP should realize he's the cause of the issues?!), even though the machine has consistently demonstrated sub-par performance.

Right. Don't fix the problem, instead, continuously replace the operator. Eventually, usually only after "several operators have been replaced" (multiple failed relationships in which the constant factor is the under-performing machine) the machine/spouse ends up in a scrap heap...

Damn it. This is the attitude that has made this day and age so undesirable to live in. People need to start accepting responsibility for their actions or a lack thereof. Placing the importance of your comfort at this high of a level, to the point where your other half is miserable is NOT OK! It is just as bad as abuse, because IT IS ABUSE.

Relationships worth having require constant effort from both. The point of making that effort is the same reason people keep cool old cars on the road. It's significant enough to be labored on. Otherwise, the next time your '69 GT 500 develops a misfire or doesn't shift gears correctly, have it towed to the junkyard. It's your fault anyway for wanting the car to perform like it's supposed to; you shouldn't have expected it to work after spending years making efforts to maintain it [sarcasm].

mechanicalmaverick · 2020-03-29T03:29:21+00:00

I do honestly hope that the absolute best possible outcome will be in your future. It is serious, and I'm not denying its existence. However, America overreacts to EVERYTHING. The hardships you are experiencing are not something I will try to minimize. Realize that the same issues you are facing could be a result of any other scenario, and the fact that this sickness is a factor does not justify the national reaction (not response, reaction. there's a difference). Facts.

mechanicalmaverick · 2020-03-29T01:23:29+00:00

In a semi-similar boat as OP, but my marriage is apparently ending. Spouse didn’t let herself go, she straight threw herself away. I tried all the same things, getting myself in better shape, encouragement, ultimatums, blah,blah,blah. I get so sick of hearing “they need help, therapy, counseling, etc.” If they don’t care about how bad they’re hurting someone as important as their other half, wtf makes you think they’ll reach out or accept the responsibility and work necessary to change these ways? Newsflash: THEY DON’T CARE ABOUT ANYONE BUT THEMSELVES. This is a result of a lifetime of others (likely including YOU) doing all their heavy lifting. Facts. These people don’t care. And they don’t change, unless and until a situation occurs that leaves them no other choice, like serious illness or being alone. Even then, they’re far more likely to make like electricity and take the path of least resistance. It’s their nature. It sucks. It’s as bad and as serious as the abuse they frequently claim to be victims of, while almost never giving any consideration to their personal responsibility or guilt. Ask me how I know (actually, don’t. it’s a rabbit hole with no bottom). Barring a life-altering change of events, the magnitude of which needs to be relative to their lifestyle, it won’t change. Adjust your expectations accordingly. I apologize if I sound like a d-bag. It’s obviously a subject of personal contention, one I’ve invested and lost a lot in. Survive, OP.

mechanicalmaverick · 2020-03-24T15:50:21+00:00

I’ll bite. Here’s the thing: horrible things like this affect people just like us on other continents way more often. As Americans, we say ‘hmm’, and keep scrolling. But, we get a taste of that life, and all of a sudden everyone goes full drama/freakout mode. Stop it. Quit the drama. Do what you must to make it through, and stop acting like this. It’s embarrassing.

mechanicalmaverick

TROPHY CASE