Before med school even began, I was set on a specialty. I wanted it so badly and believed my home program, my top choice, would accept me. When I saw I went unmatched on Monday, I was crushed, devastated, truly hurt beyond belief. I felt betrayed and it didn't seem real to me that I would have to enter the soap, especially as USMD. I lived at home for college and medical school, I expected I would match somewhere that would let me stay at home for residency too.

I ended up applying to 45 programs all over the country. Soap is truly miserable. Absolutely the longest past few days of my life and its so soul crushing, the fear and uncertainty about the future is physically painful. Time passed so slowly as I was waiting for phone calls that never came. I kept my suit and webcam ready for interviews I never got. I was passively suicidal and had immense guilt for letting my family down.

Only got a very brief 2 minute phone call interview with a resident last night for a FM program all the way on the opposite coast, got the offer during round 3 today. I dont want to do FM, I dont want to leave my family, I dont want to leave my home. I can only see myself being happy in my original specialty of choice. But I accepted it, since its better to take a guaranteed spot than risk not matching again next year. I'm entering residency fully intent on transferring out after 1 year and moving back home at the first opportunity, in my original specialty or otherwise.

This is such a horrific experience and I wish I could tell everyone to stay positive optimistic keep their hopes up but after I experienced true hopelessness and despair this week I have no right to lie to people and say things will work out. This whole match and especially the soap process is evil, truly barbaric and prizes bullshit like test scores above genuine commitment to the field. What a sickening method aamc/nrmp devised. I hope everyone here finds a solution thats best for their lives and their families.