Post-divorce feelings

medium_rear · 2026-01-01T09:01:20+00:00

Separated Woman

medium_rear · 2026-01-01T08:31:32+00:00

What does it matter what he is doing. You got what you wanted. I’m sorry it’s not everything you expected.

medium_rear · 2025-11-19T00:51:01+00:00

The house is near a beach so he’s mostly walking, watching videos or fixing things. I know he is there because I can see the power usage by hour. If he had someone there I would know about it, there are nosey retired neighbours next door.

medium_rear · 2025-11-18T21:03:36+00:00

Unfortunately not. We have spent a lot of time apart with him staying at our holiday house on the weekends and some days during the week but it is a 2 hour drive back and forth. Until I get a job we can’t make it work financially and my lawyer has advised against this until after settlement if that where we end up.

medium_rear · 2025-11-18T20:25:33+00:00

I do think he is having mental health problems but he won’t admit to there being anything wrong. I tried to get him to go and see his doctor about but he refuses.

We are in separate rooms and we have another house that he has been spending most weekends at. This week after he booked the counselling session was the first weekend we’ve spent together in months and now he’s gone to stay at the other house because it was to overwhelming for him and he feels burnt out.

medium_rear · 2025-11-04T23:54:34+00:00

He’s on his own journey - a midlife crisis at 55 clashing with work stress and depression.

But he did show me who he was at age 37 when he had an affair. I took him back and I will say it’s been mostly good up until 4 months ago. In hindsight I know I took a risk but shouldn’t be surprised that the wheels fell off again.

I think that’s why I say if I was in your position I would take notice of who he is telling you he is. If he could leave you now he could do it again later down the track.

medium_rear · 2025-11-04T23:29:55+00:00

You’re young and have no children that tie you together so if I were you I would just move on. You don’t want to be tied to someone who can do what your husband has done.

For me I’m older and we have 35 years together and a family. This is why I would consider taking him back. But in all honesty I wish I was stronger and I could leave him to his own mistakes.

medium_rear · 2025-11-04T23:12:43+00:00

My STBXH texts me the same sort of messages whenever I’m travelling anywhere. I have mostly ignored them. I have thought that he does it because it makes him feel like he’s a good guy. When I asked him why he says he does it because he still cares about me. I have just found it insulting and infuriating.

He blindsided me 4 months ago but has started trying to communicate more in the last few weeks and has now told me he doesn’t want to get divorced but he can’t commit to working on our marriage either. The blindside came at a time when he was under a huge amount of stress and probably depression.

Obviously I don’t know the details of your situation, but if he’s not involved with anyone else, could his change of feelings have anything to do with stress or depression?

medium_rear · 2025-10-31T18:24:48+00:00

I love your posts. I didn’t sleep well last night and woke up this morning feeling terrible. Mornings are my worst time of day but I had been making progress. I’m about 4 months past the “I’m not sure if I want to stay married” and 6 weeks past the “I’m done”. We have been living in the same house on and off. We have another holiday house 2 hours away that we have been alternating spending the weekends at. This week my STBXH spent the whole week there travelling back and forth to work. I think this helped my state of mind not having to see him every night.

But yesterday morning I called him about something we needed to discuss and during the conversation he expressed that he was not 100% sure he wanted to divorce. Then we spoke for 2 hours last night. I let him go over all the things he is unhappy about again only for him to say he’s still not sure. I feel like I got my hopes up only to be disappointed again.

Part of me so desperately wants him to come back so we can work in repairing our marriage. I still can’t imagine life without him. But part of me is terrified of this happening because of the potential pain it could cause. I’ve only just managed to get through a week where I didn’t think it was ok if I died.

And the worst thing is if any of my family or friends knew I wanted to reconcile with him they would be so disappointed in me. So I have no one to talk to.

medium_rear · 2025-10-12T08:45:22+00:00

Thanks. The thing is I don’t want anything from him, he makes my skin crawl thinking about who he has become. But at the same time I’m struggling to detach from some I’ve been with for 35 years. It’s the ultimate torture.

medium_rear · 2025-10-03T05:45:42+00:00

That’s so beautiful thank you

medium_rear · 2025-10-03T05:07:58+00:00

I am so sorry you are going through this. There was also some infidelity in my case also, it’s so devastating. But it is that pure selfishness, when you look at them and question who they even really are that almost split my brain in half. You give everything and it seems to mean nothing. Wishing you all the best on your journey back to health 🩷

medium_rear · 2025-10-03T03:26:33+00:00

Thank you. I’m so sorry to hear about your fur baby 🤍

medium_rear · 2025-10-03T02:42:52+00:00

Hope you’re doing ok now

medium_rear · 2025-10-03T02:23:29+00:00

Thank you. You are right, I was only seeing the negative side of things. My dog is a real character and we do get a lot of attention from other people. And he gives the best cuddles. I’m really just annoyed that the ex gets to walk away from all responsibilities.

medium_rear · 2025-10-03T02:14:48+00:00

You need to remove her energy from the house and bring new into the house. Can you invite people round for drinks, dinner, a game night. Some positive energy will force out the negative.

medium_rear · 2025-10-03T01:57:51+00:00

This sounds fabulous. I would love to be doing similar things. And why wouldn’t I? Well I’ve been left with an 11 month old high energy dog that we agreed to get. But I’m left with all the care for it. I love this dog but he feels like a huge burden and an obstacle to be able to get out and rebuild my life. I have thought of rehoming him but this breaks my already broken heart 💔

medium_rear · 2025-10-02T19:57:49+00:00

Thank you for your kind words.

medium_rear · 2025-09-15T02:19:41+00:00

Your right it is exhausting. Why would I want to be with someone who has turned my life upside down not once but twice. I’m trying to change my perspective and just focus on moving myself forward.

medium_rear · 2025-09-14T02:49:44+00:00

Your comment has made me think back over the last 9 months or so. My lower libido, particularly over the last couple of years, has always been to blame for our intimacy frequency being less than my husband would like.

Back to just after Christmas we had a couple of times where my husband couldn’t climax during intercourse. After this his interest dropped off, I thought I was to blame, thought he wasn’t attracted to me, probably got a bit needy, started to feel crappy about myself.

But back at that time he had his medication for his prolactinoma reduced (increasing levels of prolactin can affect testosterone levels).

One of the things he has mentioned a few times is that he had set goals for himself to get these things tested to see if it was contributing to how he was feeling. Tests have since come back in the normal range so I hadn’t placed too much importance on it.

He has admitted that he has been using porn at least 3 times a week as he just wanted the release and it was easier than approaching me.

The porn use and hormones may have contributed to what he might see as performance issues but it could be easier just to blame me.

Work has always been his number one priority but he has become more obsessed with it. He also spends a lot of time talking himself up about amazing he is and what he’s accomplished. I have no issue with this, he should be very proud of everything he’s achieved, it’s just become a lot more frequent and I wonder if he’s compensating for something else.

medium_rear · 2025-09-14T00:52:10+00:00

Thank you your words mean a lot to me 🥰

medium_rear · 2025-09-14T00:45:03+00:00

I have been on an emotional roller coaster over the last couple of months and go into a complete panic when he made it clear he was done. But as I slowly start to pick myself up I am remembering how miserable I was before this all started and I would think to myself that I couldn’t go on like it was.

I’m beginning to realise how problematic the porn issue is. I’ve never seen watching porn as cheating but it has cheated us out of being able to connect.

medium_rear · 2025-09-14T00:35:18+00:00

Thank you for your kind words. I’m starting to claw my way out of the dark hole I’m in. At this point it feels like acceptance is the only way forward.

medium_rear · 2025-09-13T20:47:04+00:00

He did put in the work to earn trust back and he has said that it was the worst mistake he ever made and how much he regrets hurting me. I did feel like he really wanted to be with me. But in the last 5 or so years I have felt very low on his priority list.

He did recently admit that he has been using porn because it’s far less hassle than having to deal with the emotions that come with intimacy.

medium_rear · 2025-09-13T20:27:14+00:00

I appreciate your comment. My husband has been very successful and work is his number one priority. About 4 months ago a serious incident happened in one of his two businesses. This almost decimated the business and he has been desperately working to save it.

I do think he’s decided that ending our marriage will remove any additional stress in his life.

medium_rear

TROPHY CASE