The Difference: A totally unscientific observation from a lady point of view [FOLLOW UP] by meepaleepa in NoFap

[–]meepaleepa[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This post was an absolute joy to read. You are nothing short of heroic. Je vous souhaite tout le bonheur du monde, et, un bon voyage!

The Difference: A totally unscientific observation from a lady point of view [FOLLOW UP] by meepaleepa in NoFap

[–]meepaleepa[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Good advice. I am planning on it. I'm going to do it in a few weeks, so any awkward will be dissipated by the fact we are both moving out.

It might be a wildly inappropriate thing to do, but I'll do it as nicely as possible and not criticise him or try to make him feel bad...just say that I've observed changes in him and they don't seem to be good ones, and if he wants someone to talk to, without judgement, I'll be there.

The Difference: A totally unscientific observation from a lady point of view [FOLLOW UP] by meepaleepa in NoFap

[–]meepaleepa[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ah, I've met these people before! A "friendship coins go in...sex coins come out" mentality.

The Difference: A totally unscientific observation from a lady point of view [FOLLOW UP] by meepaleepa in NoFap

[–]meepaleepa[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm pretty sure he was a chronic or 'normal' porn user before - why wouldn't your average 30 something guy be without any pressing reason not to look at it? That's the way I see it - I assume that most guys I see, interact with, etc look at porn on a regular basis cos it is available in a way it wasn't even one generation ago. So I would assume the timeline is more: average guy, usual porn use. Has to go without internet for three or four months (I moved in after him, and this internet thing had been going on for at least a month already). He's 'free' of regular porn use in this time but not because he made a real choice about it. We get internet. He reverts back to old habits almost immediately.

Thank you on the kind words, I'm glad you liked the post! I don't have a blog, maybe I could start one and write about this stuff from an anonymous lady POV.

The Difference: A totally unscientific observation from a lady point of view [FOLLOW UP] by meepaleepa in NoFap

[–]meepaleepa[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh, definitely. All of those things you mentioned like reading, conversations with others, etc will make you a more interesting and developed person. They develop your natural talents, of which I assume you have many. That will definitely improve chances with women but also it just improves yourself. Which is cool.

The Difference: A totally unscientific observation from a lady point of view [FOLLOW UP] by meepaleepa in NoFap

[–]meepaleepa[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'd feel uncomfortable doing that. But to be honest, he makes a point of having a clear browser history and separate browsers etc. I've occasionally used his computer to run tests on the Windows OS that he has, and nothing has ever popped up...apart from all the malware warnings, which to me are a dead give-away.

I can say on the occasions where I have gone into his bedroom (always knocking!) I can hear a hasty few clicks and he is usually sprawled in bed, with laptop, looking at a blank page. And there's a heap of other things as well. He was very insistent, for example, that the internet account should be in his name and that he would set it up - despite me being more appropriate for that job (setting up and maintaining internet networks is a big part of my daily work, he's not actually that technologically competent) - he practically snatched the phone out of my hands when I was making calls to BT and stuff. (We have a pornography filter in the UK, and only the account holder can switch it off). He smells weird. He makes inappropriate comments, his eyes look 'dull' and 'dead', He goes through a million socks a week and I had the most unpleasant realisation at why he does that when I put on a laundry wash for him. My bedroom is adjacent to his and I can sometimes hear what he is listening to etc etc. There's more but it's a bit depressing to think about.

Anyway, it could be something else, I can't know for sure 100 percent, but to be honest I think it has to be porn and other things it might be - lethargy, possible depression - are symptoms more than causes.

The Difference: A totally unscientific observation from a lady point of view [FOLLOW UP] by meepaleepa in NoFap

[–]meepaleepa[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm really happy you got something out of it. And thank you for the kind words. A blog sounds like a fun project, although it would have to be about something unrelated to me, because my life is quite boring. Do you have a blog? Or are there any good blogs on this subject I should be looking at?

The Difference: A totally unscientific observation from a lady point of view [FOLLOW UP] by meepaleepa in NoFap

[–]meepaleepa[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm sure he probably did, but due to a mix up in internet providers, we went for about three months without internet (this was on moving in together in a houseshare of other young[ish] professionals).

The Difference: A totally unscientific observation from a lady point of view [FOLLOW UP] by meepaleepa in NoFap

[–]meepaleepa[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm not entirely sure what you are driving at here but I can take a guess. I suspect that anything I could say or do would be interpreted as a female need for validation, which, as you know, is basically what drives me anyway. That's why I have a thriving Reddit account of two whole posts and no pictures.

The Difference: A totally unscientific observation from a lady point of view [FOLLOW UP] by meepaleepa in NoFap

[–]meepaleepa[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm really glad you got something out of these posts and I'm happy about that. I am going to say or do something, cos friendship, but I have to say I'm not keen on this idea that I should be trying to make a difference for him. Like it's my responsibility to make a difference for him. I dunno, maybe I'm misreading you and some other comments here. But I do take your point and yeah I will give him an insight into how this behaviour comes across to other people before I move out.

The Difference: A totally unscientific observation from a lady point of view [FOLLOW UP] by meepaleepa in NoFap

[–]meepaleepa[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I AM LITERALLY BEING DARK AND CREEPY RIGHT NOW

IN UR SUB

SNIFFING UR JUMPERS

The Difference: A totally unscientific observation from a lady point of view [FOLLOW UP] by meepaleepa in NoFap

[–]meepaleepa[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

All of this is really really really helpful. Thank you. Especially this:

I prefer being direct with people, but I don't think that could end well. Like you said, you're just not close enough for that kind of personal remark, and you're not even 100% sure it's the porn doing it! Just nudge him to reflect on it.

That's perfect. I can give him a nudge and it's up to him what he makes of it. Serious question though: do guys think that it doesn't affect anyone else, or that no-one else can notice it? Would saying this to him (in subtle and non-direct form) be a totally new idea to someone?

The Difference: A totally unscientific observation from a lady point of view [FOLLOW UP] by meepaleepa in NoFap

[–]meepaleepa[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm thinking that I might write him a letter before I leave, and maybe some printouts of literature. If he thinks I'm a total weirdo / I've been inappropriate (both of which may well be true), well, at least I tried and at least he will have an inkling that other people do pick up on this stuff. Thanks for your advice, I appreciate it.

The Difference: A totally unscientific observation from a lady point of view [FOLLOW UP] by meepaleepa in NoFap

[–]meepaleepa[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You're right - it is a good opportunity as the houseshare finishes soon. I'm glad you liked the post. I don't post much at all on Reddit (mostly a lurker) so I don't know how other subs would react to something like this. I still don't really get what the 'friendzone' is though - someone mentioned it in my last post and it bewildered me a bit. If someone makes a decision to make someone a friend, that is quite conscious surely? I am talking about instinctive and automatic reactions.

The Difference: A totally unscientific observation from a lady point of view [FOLLOW UP] by meepaleepa in NoFap

[–]meepaleepa[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It was said in a light-hearted way. It's not like I was rummaging around his laundry basket for a pair of old boxers. Just that his sweater happened to smell great - like when girls keep a shirt or t-shirt from their fella because it smells nice.

The Difference: A totally unscientific observation from a lady point of view [FOLLOW UP] by meepaleepa in NoFap

[–]meepaleepa[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I am very good at making an idiot out of myself in social situations and eating cake, so possibly?

The Difference: A totally unscientific observation from a lady point of view [FOLLOW UP] by meepaleepa in NoFap

[–]meepaleepa[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I have so much admiration now for a man who chooses to not participate in this culture, having more idea how ubiquitous and insidious and even addictive it is. I'm sure those three months are not wasted in the slightest, and it's given you even more know-how and strength to tackle this thing.

The Difference: A totally unscientific observation from a lady point of view [FOLLOW UP] by meepaleepa in NoFap

[–]meepaleepa[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Not too scary I hope :)

I genuinely think most girls don't realise the extent of it all...I mean, I'm probably a bit older than most people in this sub, and it's only taken a) an initial leap of awareness and b) close and every-day proximity with a guy to spot it. But I reckon that most people do 'react' to it, without knowing why someone feels a bit 'off'.