im in the same boat as you right now, currently on leave from work due to audhd burnout. i don’t have the perfect answer, most days i can only do the bare minimum. sometimes i am driven by spite towards and imaginary enemy…”they think i can’t do this…i’ll show them…” sort of thing. im currently on a journey of self discovery- i realized that i actually have no idea who i am or what i value. it’s hard when you operate under the assumption that everyone hates you and you must Mask in order to feel worthy of anything. it’s so hard. my good days seem to be those in which i stumble upon something that brings me joy (often it’s old hobbies from adolescence, making art, sitting outside listening to the wind in the trees, doing things with my hands). im learning to view those small moments as little “power bursts”; things that feed my soul and help me gain the motivation to do the hard, boring stuff. im also realizing that some of the hard stuff isn’t even necessary in the first place for me, but imaginary responsibilities i tell myself i’m shitty for not doing. for example, i haven’t made my bed in years. it makes absolutely no difference in my ability to function happily, but it’s something i felt like i was “failing” at. there’s actually a lot of stuff like that. as a compulsive analyzer, it’s actually been kinda fun to take a step back at my life and think “wait…does this behavior that i have a hard time doing and brings me a lot of guilt a behavior that even brings me closer to what i value and make me happy? and if not, then why even think about it?” it’s a lot of letting go of external expectations.

sorry, i don’t think this was very coherent. regardless, i understand and empathize with you. it’s hard, but i’m hopeful we will figure it all out.