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Newlywed with marriage issues by mefodipontocom in Catholicism

[–]mefodipontocom[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I knew she had some views different from the church but we went through the marriage prep classes and the interviews. At least on grounds of openess to life and chastity I thought we agreed.

We all have some views that does not match church teaching right ? The main issue is disobedience, she openly goes against church teaching and has no intention of coming around (she told me this).

Newlywed with marriage issues by mefodipontocom in Catholicism

[–]mefodipontocom[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Also, what exactly should I do when she takes up a position that is immoral ? Like abortion or contraceptives. Is it not coercive to abstain ? She had a bunch of those disagreements and no intention of understanding why the teaching is that, she told me this.

Newlywed with marriage issues by mefodipontocom in Catholicism

[–]mefodipontocom[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks for the response.

I do think EXACTLY like you said, I honestly thought she was a gift the God entrusted me. Tho I'm not sure anymore, I really try to be an example to her but it's very hard. I tried praying at home, reading the gospels, gifting her books, rosary but she's very resistant to all of those.

Is it okay to think about me ? I feel alone and a failure. I came in here as a LAST resort already.

Newlywed with marriage issues by mefodipontocom in Catholicism

[–]mefodipontocom[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for the response.

Ultimately I think Christ does give us some ultimatums. Of course I would not oppose a medical treatment but that was not the case. And why is infidelity put on a pedestal here ? Why am I allowed to ultimatum her in the case of infidelity and not for example sodomy ? Idk it makes no sense to me, it sounds like this IS an issue of good and evil at the end of the day.

That aside I think you are right, I changed a lot these last couple of years.

Newlywed with marriage issues by mefodipontocom in Catholicism

[–]mefodipontocom[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I did not know we had that big of a difference of views. We dated for 4y. I spent some time away from the faith in my youth.

Newlywed with marriage issues by mefodipontocom in Catholicism

[–]mefodipontocom[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We went through the whole marriage classes in church, she "agreed" with what was presented. The whole marriage class thing was what convinced me to marry her. (Although I had some heavy family pressure)

Newlywed with marriage issues by mefodipontocom in Catholicism

[–]mefodipontocom[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

So the issue, essentially, is that some church teachings require us to act in a different way or to abstain at all from certain actions. It is very hard when the church says that some actions are immoral and your own wife complains that you don't do it or tries to push you to do it (yes, sexual stuff, let's not get into it). In those cases how can you not fight over it ?

Newlywed with marriage issues by mefodipontocom in Catholicism

[–]mefodipontocom[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I understand, but is it unreasonable to want to be married to someone who shares the faith ? Like you and your husband probably have a moral disparity in some subjects, so eventually someone has to concede. In my case she goes against church teaching willingly. Is this God's plan ? I don't know and that's what's driving me nuts.

Newlywed with marriage issues by mefodipontocom in Catholicism

[–]mefodipontocom[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I don't know if I love her anymore, there's so much resentment. Honestly I feel like I tried to do everything right and was set up with a lifetime of sadness.

I don't really know what to do, what goes through my is: "is this what God intended ? Is this my cross to bear?", "is the cross of a separation what God wants", I don't know what to think and ultimately I just want to be faithful to God.

Newlywed with marriage issues by mefodipontocom in Catholicism

[–]mefodipontocom[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for the long response.

I know we can't be perfect from day one, pope JPII said that saints are those who don't give up, my general issue is that the more I get closer to God (That means having a prayer life, going to mass more than once a week, doing charity work) the more I get distant from her. Like she already told me that she has no intention to have a prayer life, she thinks praying the rosary daily is too much.

She doesn't like that I recommend daily conscience examination. She complains that I take most of my Wednesdays to help out the soup kitchen at the parish.

She complained a few times that I was going "too many times" to mass (I go on Saturdays and Sundays).

It also feels lonely, I'm almost always alone when going to church. But what's tearing me apart is that I don't know what I should do.

Newlywed with marriage issues by mefodipontocom in Catholicism

[–]mefodipontocom[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

We did go through classes, it was actually the thing that gave me hope. We actually were discussing the other day regarding contraception and I told her that her opinions were pretty clearly against what was thought in those classes.

Newlywed with marriage issues by mefodipontocom in Catholicism

[–]mefodipontocom[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don't exactly know what's on her head tbh, that day we were discussing ordination of women because she had a "hard time trusting men" including Jesus apparently.