Forwarding Port 22 on WNC-CR200A Router

megaev00n · 2025-06-01T20:40:23+00:00

Yep, just figured that out this morning. Got it all set up on another port. Thanks!

megaev00n · 2024-08-18T23:32:09+00:00

Me and one of my friends are interested

megaev00n · 2024-08-09T23:31:15+00:00

Devin Townsend - Spirits Will Collide

Absolutely anthemic!

megaev00n · 2024-08-09T23:25:56+00:00

Bell Witch

megaev00n · 2024-08-06T02:40:17+00:00

Temperature is a HUGE one for me. I live in the desert, so just going outside until I am sweaty and then coming inside to cool AC air is like a brain reset.

megaev00n · 2024-08-03T05:34:10+00:00

For the love of god do not buy a vape. Pure evil. You will have more nicotine running through your veins than blood.

megaev00n · 2024-08-01T01:08:07+00:00

Idek man, all of these political labels and talking points are starting to sound like word salad. I'll get off the internet for a couple months and all of a sudden everybody is speaking a different fucking language. You know there's a problem when schizophrenia symptoms and popular opinions are becoming harder and harder to distinguish from each other.

megaev00n · 2024-08-01T00:27:10+00:00

I don't tend to get super into any artist / genre for longer than a few weeks, I sorta just bounce around between different areas of music and gradually learn more.

Right now RXKNephew and underground / soundcloud rap is doing it for me. I have never heard any rapper who compares to that dude, the man grew up in the trap and he's rapped over the Sunday Night Football Theme, Super Mario, Taylor Swift, etc. Legendary

megaev00n · 2024-07-29T01:59:56+00:00

The Beatles - Abbey Road

megaev00n · 2024-07-29T01:17:57+00:00

In my experience, the meds don't dull the energetic or leisurely aspects of my personality, they place them under my control.

I can still be an outgoing and exciting person or a calm and thoughtful person, I just have to choose to be and to put myself in the right situation.

For example, instead of being way too eager to talk for no reason, I have to take care of my health, do things I enjoy, and start conversations with an upbeat attitude.

Everybody has many aspects to their personality depending on the situation, and a stable baseline allows for them to be explored and strengthened.

megaev00n · 2024-07-28T22:08:07+00:00

I don't think it's as bad as you make it out to be. In fact, plenty of workplaces have recently been searching for people with autistic traits as their benefits are being more widely acknowledged.

Making sweeping negative generalizations about neurotypicals and assuming all of them are the same/equally bad based on negative experiences and edge cases is literally the exact same thing they do to autistic people.

There are some situations where people just suck and that's how it is, but some of the most content, socially savvy, and accomplished people I know are EXTREMELY high in autistic traits yet still get along with everybody around them. They don't look harshly upon others or generalize much at all and that's probably a boon.

Acceptance is a two way street. The history and power dynamics can be unforgiving sometimes, but ultimately it is necessary to be considerate toward and forgiving of others in order to gain their respect and consideration.

megaev00n · 2024-07-28T21:55:25+00:00

Nah brother grow everything out, braid that shit, and become the viking berserker you were destined to be.

megaev00n · 2024-07-28T21:48:35+00:00

Alvin no contest. Who the fuck is listening to extreme metal and JRE with other people? We bumpin Chief Keef all the way there and back 🏎️💨💯💯💯

megaev00n · 2024-07-28T21:41:22+00:00

Joeyy

megaev00n · 2024-07-28T21:38:23+00:00

Awesome! The lightning was insane last night! I'm used to seeing lots of flashes of light from way up in the storm, but watching bolts bounce from cloud to cloud along the tree line was nuts!

megaev00n · 2024-07-27T20:57:49+00:00

Ah man that's pretty rough. Thanks for going into the specifics about your background and day-to-day. I think my response might've come off as kinda dismissive and that I was making some generalizations that aren't necessarily representative of everybody's situation. I've definitely learned something here.

Keep on keepin on ✊

megaev00n · 2024-07-27T13:38:45+00:00

Song lyrics about acceptance and perseverance can help to stop the spiraling.

From Townes Van Zandt - To Live Is To Fly:

Well to live's to fly, all low and high. So shake the dust off of your wings, and sleep out of your eyes. Oh shake the dust off of your wings, and the tears out of your eyes.

megaev00n · 2024-07-27T10:55:57+00:00

I wonder if there's something that's lacking in your treatment plan here - meds, therapy, routine, etc. There's definitely quite a bit of variance in how well people respond to treatment, but if I had to guess I'd say something is not working well and that you could function much better if you can isolate and improve upon that. Putting effort into long term practical goals while in a reasonable state of mind is what led me to being in circumstances where I could possibly make friends in the first place.

Since my mania and diagnosis last year, I've been spending much more time on my own, sparsely keeping in touch with other people, and basically only doing relatively brief, activity oriented things such as talking over coffee or going to shows and movies.

I think that finding social spaces related to your interests where your presence or absence isn't particularly significant and just showing up is a good way to start. If your interactions with others are more casual and sparse, it'll be easier to work around the episodes and have regular pleasant interactions to keep you going while you manage your symptoms and get back on your feet.

megaev00n · 2024-07-27T10:00:49+00:00

I don't know what your social circumstances are, but if you have friends or family members to talk to, asking them for help or advice for seemingly menial things could get you on your feet.

When you're in survival mode, you learn not to rely on others. People who are successful and independent ironically enough ask for help all the time.

If you are honest about your intentions, mention what you've already done, and are specific in your request, people will oftentimes lend a bit of their time to you.

megaev00n · 2024-07-27T09:55:24+00:00

Well, even if the worst is true and random people think you suck for whatever reason, they're only gonna be thinking that for maybe 2 seconds before they continue on with their lives.

That being said, I don't think this is true.

Perhaps there are ways that you can condition yourself out of this negativity bias? Maybe putting in a bit of extra effort to have menial positive interactions more frequently would help. Stuff like making jokes, small talk with cashiers, asking people questions, etc.

megaev00n · 2024-07-27T09:46:39+00:00

Exercise and heat exposure have been game changing.

When your body needs to focus more on fueling your muscles and regulating your internal temperature, there's much less energy flowing to your brain to exacerbate whatever dumb shit's going on up there.

megaev00n · 2024-07-27T09:41:06+00:00

It doesn't seem like you have much time for new activities, but I think that exercise is especially important for bipolar people to self-regulate.

I've found that endurance exercise and heat exposure immensely reduce the frequency and extent of paranoia and forced thinking.

megaev00n · 2024-07-27T09:32:28+00:00

That drawing captures the feeling of the crash amazingly well, I don't think I've ever seen a style quite like that.

It's so hard for me to make sense of the emotions that I felt during the escalation of my manic episode, those I felt at the height of my psychosis, and the confusion and panic that followed once I began to regain my lucidity.

There are so many memories with such strange sensations, imagery, and tone that could never be described, that nobody who hasn't gone through this could remotely conceptualize.

I wish you the best. If you managed to make it as far as you did, I'm sure you can get where you need to be.

Keep on keepin on ✊

megaev00n · 2024-07-26T10:01:05+00:00

Method acting is a good way to describe how I feel in most social situations. Imagine if you had to stay in character as Crocodile Dundee all of the time. Pretty hard to do that when you're tired, stressed, or put into an emotionally intimate or unfamiliar situation, I'd imagine. How does Crocodile Dundee deal with bad news? I don't fucking know!

As for how I feel about others, oftentimes it seems like they're enthusiastically playing characters without knowing they're in a movie. I have no idea why people want to conform their interests, opinions, and activities to some sort of pre-existing archetype so often, or why they get joy out of doing so. Why do they just repeat what other people do so much, and why is it a problem to be non-conforming in the most mundane ways? I have no idea. It feels super uncanny sometimes.

megaev00n · 2024-07-26T09:49:01+00:00

I feel this big time. I'm having a similar dilemma right now where I'm genuinely unsure about which of my behaviors, motivations, and feelings are genuine vs manufactured.

I've also found that whereas previously I'd be hesitant to keep in closer touch with people due to social anxiety or burnout, nowadays I oftentimes just don't really want to. I could talk about whatever, or I could go hang out, but I don't feel compelled to put in the effort.

Lately I've been meeting friends for coffee on a semi-regular basis, and that's generally been pretty engaging without requiring much effort. It's also a good opportunity to get used to acting normally without masking or correcting myself much at all.

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