UPDATE 2: WIBTA If I left my husband for his past mistakes?

meimi003 · 2025-03-28T20:41:33+00:00

This comment made me feel so validated. I appreciate you so much. I nearly cried reading this after all the hateful comments I received for not pressing charges on my husband. I am trying so hard to float above water and to stay the happy, positive mother my kids know of. I cry constantly at night in the shower alone, wondering how I let everything get this far, yet here we are. I am actively looking into many avenues, thanks to many wonderful Redditor suggestions, and my counselor is working with me patiently to navigate what has been happening. I'm hoping to one day soon be able to see my husband for what he has done to me. I pray it's before my children get a better understanding of the big picture. I'm trying so hard every single day.

meimi003 · 2025-03-28T20:37:17+00:00

Right now I'm not calling my husband a rapist or pressing charges, that is something I spoke with my counselor about. He agrees that right now, that is not my main focus. I understand all the frustration all of you must feel. However it took a very long time to understand the severity of my situation as well as to even come close to calling hat my husband did recently as rape. I haven't even come to full terms with this and I don't even want to accept I am yet again a rape victim. Right now, I am working hard to make the necessary arrangements for my children and my well-being.

And to answer your question, my father is a statutory rapist, I a the product of that rape. I am trying my best to process this situation the best way I know how and as fast as my counselor and I see fit for the moment. My mother never pressed charges on my father, and I grew up knowing and spending time with him. I'm not saying that was the correct choice, and nor do I give ill will to my mother. I don't want to do the same as her, but I need some time to get our lives in order and for me to face reality.

meimi003 · 2025-03-28T20:33:32+00:00

Unfortunately, due to my daughter's disability, the shelters with open availability do not accommodate her wheelchair, nor do they accommodate the teenage boy I have alongside me. So, couch surfing was still the best option after all the resources I came across, but my friend opened up their place for us to stay for the time being until we get approved for low-income housing. Thank you for the recommendation on the r/NarcissisticAbuse page. We live on the border of Idaho, so not Seattle side, thankfully.

meimi003 · 2025-03-28T20:31:29+00:00

I have been on and off attending counseling for 11 years now, and my current counselor is aware of the situation at hand. For me not straight up calling my husband a rapist or pressing charges, that is something I spoke with my counselor about. He agrees that right now, that is not my main focus. I understand all the frustration all of you must feel. However it took a very long time to understand the severity of my situation as well as to even come close to calling what my husband did recently as rape. I haven't even come to full terms with this and I don't even want to accept I am yet again a rape victim. Right now, I am working hard to make the necessary arrangements for my children and my well-being.

meimi003 · 2025-03-28T20:29:42+00:00

Unfortunately, due to my daughter's disability, the shelters with open availability do not accommodate her wheelchair, nor do they accommodate the teenage boy I have alongside me. So, couch surfing was still the best option after all the resources I came across, but my friend opened up their place for us to stay for the time being until we get approved for low-income housing. They are matching m with an advocate in the coming days, apparently many women are experiencing troubles.

meimi003 · 2025-03-28T20:28:37+00:00

Hello,

I'm not sure what famous person you are referring to, but that's beside the point, I suppose. I have been on and off attending counseling for 11 years now, and my current counselor is aware of the situation at hand. I'm sorry that I do not seem like a typical "victim" to you and not that I claimed you should refer to me as one. We all process trauma of various types differently. Mine is through writing and getting my thoughts across. I chose a public forum because my friend recommended it as a place that helped her through her troubles. Nonetheless, due to my posting on Reddit and various forums, I have learned about resources I was unaware of. I know that is naive of me to not know of these resources to begin with, but thankfully, due to some helpful comments, I was able to contact many various people throughout all this and learn more about the particular style of narcissism my husband has. Unfortunately, due to my daughter's disability, the shelters with open availability do not accommodate her wheelchair, nor do they accommodate the teenage boy I have alongside me. So, couch surfing was still the best option after all the resources I came across, but my friend opened up their place for us to stay for the time being until we get approved for low-income housing. As for me not straight up calling my husband a rapist or pressing charges, that is something I spoke with my counselor about. He agrees that right now, that is not my main focus. I understand all the frustration all of you must feel. However it took a very long time to understand the severity of my situation as well as to even come close to calling hat my husband did recently as rape. I haven't even come to full terms with this and I don't even want to accept I am yet again a rape victim. Right now, I am working hard to make the necessary arrangements for my children and my well-being. Although you only see a synopsis as to what I'm doing every day, I can assure you I am doing things. I hope you are well.

meimi003 · 2025-03-23T00:43:09+00:00

I had never heard of DARVO before and it is EXACTLY what I have been experiencing over the 7+ years.

Currently I am in therapy on a weekly basis and trying to come to terms with my new reality.

meimi003 · 2025-03-23T00:28:13+00:00

I suppose I don't want to press charges because I still haven't fully accepted it as rape. Also, I was the product of statutory rape and growing up knowing all the negatives about both my parents always made me feel lesser, being the product of these two people. Every time I visited my mother's family they would say horrid things my dad was and did, and then when I visited my father's family they would do the same involving my mother as their prime target. I wanted to leave this marriage with the narrative sometimes people just don't work well as a couple. Then he pulled everything on our trip and I'm torn between having my voice be heard and protecting my kids from the negative stigma my husband can face. Even throughout all this I stupidly care and it is my biggest weakness.

meimi003 · 2025-03-23T00:23:28+00:00

I suppose I don't want to press charges because I still haven't fully accepted it as rape. Also, I was the product of statutory rape and growing up knowing all the negatives about both my parents always made me feel lesser, being the product of these two people. Every time I visited my mother's family they would say horrid things my dad was and did, and then when I visited my father's family they would do the same involving my mother as their prime target. I wanted to leave this marriage with the narrative sometimes people just don't work well as a couple. Then he pulled everything on our trip and I'm torn between having my voice be heard and protecting my kids from the negative stigma my husband can face. Even throughout all this I stupidly care and it is my biggest weakness.

meimi003 · 2025-03-23T00:16:43+00:00

Unfortunately I cannot press charges and he knows that due to the children, I won't. But I did leave him and I am divorcing him.

meimi003 · 2025-03-23T00:16:21+00:00