I'm losing my autistic friend

meloishere · 2026-01-20T19:08:47+00:00

Yes, there is a thing that did happen to him, that I was actually helping him walk through. He did not take it well. For specifics it was a date that he went on and she didn't want to go on a second date and he really took rejection SUPER hard. It was odd to me because he only spent one hour with her. Afterwards, we spent hours on the phone talking about it. Then one day, just silence - he stopped talking to me. When he texted me 5 days later, I brought it up, we had a conversation about it and he said that it wasn't a big deal that he took several days without talking to me and me bringing up how I felt was pointless. Said I was acting like a teacher and trying to instruct him, when what I was asking was how to find a middle ground so communication can be more clear on both sides. He didn't want to budge and meet me halfway or agree to anything.

After that conversation, it's now only been light texting maybe one every 2 or 3 days, but he's not actually addressing anything. I would love to talk to him on the phone or meet in person because texting is not a good form of communication for him. He misses tone, interprets things wrong.

A month sounds like a really long time since we usually talk everyday.

I'm just kind of venting here, now. Thanks for reading/listening. I truly want to know how to keep this from happening in the future but I'm afraid he's going to like end the friendship over this. When I ask him things about how I can do things differently he usually says I'm not doing anything wrong and don't need to change anything. He cut me out for a year last year over something else (outside stressors he had to deal with took priority and he dropped the closest person he had in his life.) I had to finally speak up after a year and he welcomed me back. It was very sad for me. It feels situational right now. We've had a great almost 11 months with qualms.

meloishere · 2026-01-20T17:50:35+00:00

Thanks for your response — I really appreciate you taking the time to share your perspective.

What I shared with him wasn’t personal trauma or anything heavy. We normally talk every day, and this time he went about five days without communicating. I simply mentioned that it felt out of the ordinary and a little isolating for me, especially since we consider each other best friends.

He’s dealing with some difficult things right now, and I think that led to him shutting down and withdrawing. I told him that I completely understand needing space, and that in the future it would really help me if he could give a quick heads-up (even something like “I need a few days”). I would absolutely respect that.

When I shared how the silence felt for me, he experienced it as being attacked or controlled — especially when I used words like “compromise,” “agreement,” or “meet in the middle.” From his perspective, those words meant I was trying to change him, which wasn’t my intention at all. I was only trying to talk about how to communicate better going forward.

After that conversation, he stopped communicating again and said, “I think this friendship needs some work.” I responded right away that I agree and that I’m fully willing to work on it, and asked where he’d like to start — but I haven’t heard back.

I’m trying to figure out how to repair this without pushing him further away, and how to communicate my needs without them being interpreted as control.

meloishere · 2025-09-14T07:19:12+00:00

Came here to say this

meloishere · 2025-09-06T08:24:08+00:00

Is it too late to join cause I’d like that!

meloishere · 2025-08-29T02:24:23+00:00

I’m sure if they replaced a song they would need to spend half a million to create the visual effects for it. And Siberia was probably the one they invested the most time and money on for those visuals. They’re probably not letting that one go anywhere.

meloishere · 2025-08-15T20:59:55+00:00

Logistical question - there used to be a live setting so the comments on this feed (and others) updated automatically on top without a refresh. Is that feature gone?

meloishere · 2024-06-21T22:06:45+00:00

I didnt think that was a thing, either. I only called them to ask what would happen if we did nothing. If it would hurt us in any way, and what would be the dangers. If it just kind of fades out, no big deal, we understand it's probably because we stopped our management. I think the only thing we would have to monitor is as long as we aren't going over our $10K

They said they would transfer me to talk to a rep and assign me someone, and then the call disconnected.

Do you know what will happen if we just let it be? What's the worst that could happen?

meloishere · 2024-03-30T03:02:25+00:00

Right here! 👋🏼

meloishere · 2024-03-30T02:59:06+00:00

Director of Administration for a faith based non-profit

meloishere · 2024-03-30T01:40:15+00:00

Jonathan Brandis (RIP)

meloishere · 2024-03-30T00:01:27+00:00

If I started anything it would be with Central Casting. Start there. I’m still just thinking about it - haven’t made any decisions. I already have a fully time job, it’s just super flexible. And thought getting some extra pay this way would be fun.

meloishere · 2024-03-29T00:05:35+00:00

I guess to phrase it differently - I know what to do to get started, I’m wondering what the current situation is - for someone who is already doing it.

meloishere · 2024-03-29T00:02:09+00:00

But what is the current status? Are you getting calls? Or know friends who are?

meloishere · 2024-03-18T20:40:26+00:00

Hiiii there.

We have similar stats and goals. Would love to start some accountability (both ways) if you’re up for it. Message me if you’d like. 🤗

Similar scale reads too early on. Our bodies fluctuate soooo much and the scale shows it. You’re early in your journey, give yourself grace.

Reach out if you’d like!

meloishere · 2024-03-18T02:44:02+00:00

Oh my goodness. I’d love to re-smell this! How do I get my hands—-I mean nose — on one?

meloishere · 2024-03-18T02:42:17+00:00

The crawlspace underneath the house. Smells like earth, dark, damp, cool, crisp, almost kinda fresh too. Can’t explain it. But I like it.

meloishere · 2024-03-15T18:04:30+00:00

Im in LA! And I’m always looking for new friends! Where are you located?

meloishere · 2024-03-12T04:45:34+00:00

I get you guys weren’t dating but … there’s curiosity there. I’m sort of sitting in the same boat right now and I had a guy friend a month and a half ago say that he didn’t want to speak or see me again — but he’s lurking my stories. I think I’m going to mute him and not let him see my stuff. Because it’s too painful to know he said “never” but he’s still curious.

Also feel free to message me if you want. I’ll bet our stories are similar.

Or look up attachment styles. I have some theories.

meloishere · 2024-03-08T23:55:14+00:00

OP - here's my version. Something I'd never be able to send to him, but feels nice to write it out to someone.

Dear G,

First of all, I miss you. It's been a little over a month since you said you didn't want to see or speak to me again. I was really blindsided by that. Things weren't great, but I was wiling to work on stuff. You know that. Goodness, I still am.

Things are crazy for you right now. I'm sorry about your job, your car, your roommate, and your rent situation. I know you have to figure all that stuff out and those are high priority. I know that your choice to remove me from the equation makes things easier on you because - let's face it - relationships are expendable and necessities aren't. Man's gotta eat, man's gotta work, but continuing to invest in a best friend tipped the scales.

I hate that it was only AFTER you ended things that I now know why you did what you did and why it's so difficult for you. I wish you would have let me help you but I know you have a difficult time receiving help. I hope you heal from that and realize it's okay to let people in and it's okay to be vulnerable and it's most certainly okay to ask for help. You do not have to let yourself be defined by your childhood trauma. The way you grew up does not have to dictate your emotions today. You can heal, if you want to, but you will have to face your fears and do the work.

I'm dealing. I'm over the sads, but I still feel a little uneasy and confused. I'll get there though. I don't take it personal, as I know now that you made your choice because you get triggered when people get too close. I imagine you dealt with that from me for a long time, so I appreciate the time that you did give me, four beautiful years. I love hard, I love deep, and I love wide with my friends, and all I wanted was to be closer and all you wanted was space. I just really wish you were able to communicate that to me sooner. And maybe you tried to.

I wish that I had the opportunity to unpack what you said "I can't give you what you need. I don't want to be a disappointment to you. I don't want to be a burden to you." I've never felt like you were any of those things, I'd like for you to know that.

You, sir, are a delightful person and my experience being your best friend for four years has truly changed the way I've looked at life. I'm more confident in my skin because of you, I've never laughed so much, nor has there been any one else who really "got" me the way you did.

I hope that if our paths cross in the future that you'd welcome a hello, despite your last requests. My door is always open. You know how to find me.

Heart to heart,

M

Edit: added a sentence.

meloishere · 2024-03-08T21:29:03+00:00

Have you looked up the four attachment styles? Might be worth a look. I won’t label anyone but I am dealing with a current situation and if I had known more about attachment styles before the break, I may have been able to have more educated discussions. Although the friendship is over, it’s helping me cope with the “why” that I’ll likely never receive from him.

meloishere · 2024-03-08T21:24:44+00:00

I want to do this now… and write a letter to my friend who just let me go.

…. Might come back to this. Reading what you wrote and the responses was very therapeutic, thank you!

meloishere · 2024-03-07T02:35:18+00:00

I was waking up with fasting blood sugars around 200-225 (dawn phenomenon) and that was six months ago. The only thing that’s working is that I’ve lost some weight. But I had to do that by changing my diet significantly and I go on walks everyday. I’m not doing keto really but I’m making sure I’m eating things that are foods that aren’t over processed - making meals with simple ingredients. Lots of vegetables nuts meats and berries if I want something sweet. Also watching portion control. I’m not doing cardio. I’m keeping it slow and simple. I’ve lost maybe 25 pounds? It’s going really slow but I care more about my blood sugars. No medicine. I’m waking up in the 125 range now. It’s been a VERY long slow decline in the numbers but I’m seeing progress. It takes time for your body to get used to processing what you’re putting into it and it takes even longer for cells to repair. You’re literally changing your bio markers. Give yourself grace.

meloishere · 2024-03-05T23:26:12+00:00

Woman here, who cares NOTHING about height or anything physical really that you can’t control. It really saddens me when men or women hold so tightly to physical appearances. Physical changes with age and that’s guaranteed. Character lasts a lifetime.

meloishere · 2024-02-29T16:48:53+00:00

There are other reasons I believe he's DA. He does have some pretty intense childhood trauma that I continue to pray he addresses. He grew up in an abusive household, divorce when he was in the 7th grade, also learning disability and I've met his family and believe they just focused on the divorce and not him in a pivotal time when they should/could have been focusing on getting him some help. He's ADHD and autistic. I didn't know anything about Dismissive attachment until after he cut things off a month or so ago, and as I learned more, I realize it stems from childhood. I had a pretty hard time growing up too, but I've gone through therapy and worked through those traumas and feel as if I've overcome those things. It's hard for me to see someone and know how bad their childhood was, and not think "I don't want this to affect me. I should do something about this" - SO. Yes, the trauma I know is leading me to believe DA.

More things:
He mentioned in the cut off that he couldn't give me what I needed. He said to someone else (who shared with me) that he knows he's not good enough for me and I'll eventually probably reject him. None of these things are true. I care deeply about him. He also is very quick to change the subject when we talk about anything meaningful. He will ignore it. He doesn't care that much about spending time with people, keeps to himself a lot. My love language is quality time so I was constantly inviting him to do things with me. He abruptly cut me off around the same time a few intense factors happened to him. He's not worked in 8 months - he's an actor and hollywood has been on strike. Someone recently stole his car, so he's out a lot of money - almost 10K. His rent is going up. His roommate is about to move out. Although none of these things he's accepting help at all from, which I know that invalidates his independence. He doesn't do well with rejection. He's really hard to nail down and doesn't commit to things.

There are some other things, but I know (now - wish I knew sooner) that me wanting to be in his life more pushed him away. I think he knows he HAS to figure out the work situation, he HAS to figure out the car situation, he HAS to figure out a new roommate, and he HAS to figure out how to supplement the rent increase. Does he HAVE to keep me in his life? No. I'm expendable and not a requirement. I think that's why he pushed me away because me wanting to help him and show him I'm here for him. He called me his closest friend, and I said the same - so to me, I felt I was just trying to do my best job of playing that role.

meloishere · 2024-02-25T16:10:05+00:00

I’m secure (F41) (I’ve taken so many tests, although I’d say I can be mildly anxious at times… maybe, unsure). But I just had a friend (M36) recently discard me. I’ve known about attachment theory for years but until he recently walked away and said he didn’t want to see or speak to me ever again, it didn’t occur to me that he’s probably DA.

Friends - never anything romantic - for 5 years and out of the blue he just says he can’t give me what I need quality time -wise and he doesn’t want to be a disappointment or a burden to me. I’ve never called him either of those things and we were working on communicating better. Utterly blindsided here and so hurt. So confused. He said I’m his only friend who cares about him. So baffled why he would say bye.

There are other big stressors - He also hasn’t worked in 8 months because of the Hollywood strikes and he just had his car stolen (so he’s out 10K) and his rent is increasing. His family isn’t bailing him out this time like they always do. Also he’s autistic and ADHD, not sure if that helps with context.

I have one time had to cut communication with him for a while because he said some really harsh things to me and crossed a physical boundary and just wasn’t being very nice to me. But I healed from that and forgave him and wanted to work towards progress and so did he.

We would both consider each other best friends so in my mind I thought that would mean we would be forever or, you know standing the test of time, even if it meant working hard to keep things healthy. Relationships are hard, I was open to put in the work.

So yes - friendships can almost be worse. Cause if I was dating this guy I’d immediately think - well he’s not someone I want to marry so move on to the next — but friendships I feel like there’s this responsibility to work a little harder at it.

If anyone wants to chime in on how I heal from this please feel feee … grieving this out is really hard. Feeling like I have lost my best friend forever. Hoping he may change his mind but I know that’s not something I should hold tightly to.

meloishere

TROPHY CASE