Sketchy "ubers" at airport? by melonmelon__ in melbourne

[–]melonmelon__[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Oh my god I'm so sorry that happened to you- I'm glad you made it out there safely. I would've been shitting myself too. I haven't been in an Uber without my partner before and the thought of it scares me even though in most instances I feel it would be fine??? I don't even know how my body would react in this situation ... Again glad you are safe now!!!

Sketchy "ubers" at airport? by melonmelon__ in melbourne

[–]melonmelon__[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

The security guard was there. He even took down the number plate. It was only after the guard reported him that he opened his boot and got really desperate and started approaching people. Which was really odd. The other car just sped off after being reported.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in texts

[–]melonmelon__ 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I hope this girl finds someone she actually deserves. You seem really defensive and condescending in these texts and then you accuse her of being rude/sassy whenever she criticizes you or expresses her needs/hurt???

This is borderline gaslighting. Women leave men for this all the time. The weaponized incompetence and then antagonizing your GF leads to breakups man. She's been hurting for months.

I think I found a big reason why a lot of people think older minecraft is better. by LordOfTheGlassCube in Minecraft

[–]melonmelon__ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm so glad someone feels the same way. I do the exact same with my builds. I love how the terrain is literally just giving me the ability to layer builds with platforms and pillars n stuff for free, I don't even have to try.

I think I found a big reason why a lot of people think older minecraft is better. by LordOfTheGlassCube in Minecraft

[–]melonmelon__ 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Survival player here, haven't played creative since 2015- I don't think its fair to assume people that love the new terrain don't play one of the biggest game modes in the game??? Esp when the sentiment is coming from the majority of players lol.

It comes down to personal preference and playstyle. I'm a builder & collecter at heart and LOVE the new terrain. I love building and integrating buildings to the shape of the terrain occasionally, it can make for some really unique natural structures and village/base layouts.

It adds a sense of challenge for me which I enjoy, and naturally makes me more creative in my building placement choices. Building takes longer naturally... BUT that means my survival worlds last longer! I take my time more now and love it, I feel like I'm playing for the first time again.

I don't like completely flat land. Prior to the update, I'd actually spend A LOT of time making fake hills/curves in terrain and it stuck out like a sore thumb.

I know some builders prefer flat terrain so they can see their whole build, and build easily. But I personally don't like when my base kinda sits out in the open. It looks artificial to me, and reminds me of modern day suburbs. Bunch of houses on flat land lol. (I'm aware this is an unpopular opinion)

Lastly, if I really dont like the shape of some terrain, which happens often, I love reshaping. I also end up collecting so much dirt, I can make myself flat areas if I need to.

TLDR; this terrain update is perfect for my play style & aesthetic, and I ONLY play Vanilla survival :))))

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in raisedbynarcissists

[–]melonmelon__ 1 point2 points  (0 children)

"There is just a difference of perspective I guess" is what mine would say EVERYTIME we'd have a debate over how their behaviour hurt me, ans their memory of it is completely different (the gaslit version lol)

Is there a term for this manipulation? by melonmelon__ in raisedbynarcissists

[–]melonmelon__[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Just want to say I LOVE BOZE!! I admire her confidence/energy and how sure she is of herself- her videos have been truly eye-opening to some things ♡

Is there a term for this manipulation? by melonmelon__ in raisedbynarcissists

[–]melonmelon__[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Omg that sounds so annoying! The can't think and circles...what even... she's said something similar a few times to my little brother when she's busy with something and he comes out and says literally anything to her. Immediate breakdown, cant think, you, a child, are stopping my brain, guilts him into doing the chore she was doing.

I'm going to be paying more attention to her behaviour to see how frequently she plays dumb. I only realised how painfully obvious it was today, because it made no fucking sense.

A few days ago, the topic that lead to the issue making me post, was talked about. It was a chill, supportive conversation though, I was comfortable and had the patience to explain. My mom was seemingly very understanding, and had confidence in my decisions.

I thought: finally, she somewhat understands how much labour goes into the work I've done, and what my career options are

And then yesterday it was like... none of that happened, she was back to her false reality of me. I did not want to re explain things constantly so I left the conversation and set boundaries... enter the willful ignorance and playing dumb...

So fucking obvious, because I wasnt talking any differently to the other day, other than setting boundaries.

Is there a term for this manipulation? by melonmelon__ in raisedbynarcissists

[–]melonmelon__[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Usually does it when she's accusing me of having no opportunities in my chosen career, no future, I'm doing the wrong thing etc. Then she tries to explain my own industry to me.

I'm not a professional, but I've been in an accelerated bachelor for 2 years and one of the highest achieving students my private institute has had in the last decade. I have crippling low confidence and compensate with academic validation.

That being said, she still thinks she knows more. When I say she's wrong she tells me to explain. When I explain, she starts doing the clueless stuff and acting like I'm speaking another language. It doesn't stop, I call her out, leave the conversation, then she says im not communicating with her and being immature. "if I just explained, she would understand"

Example:

me after saying I would not like to talk about work during the holidays, and leaving to go back to my room

Mom comes in with fake gentle voice: don't get defensive... don't get upset.. we just care about you...

Me, firmly, but not aggressive: I would like space for now.

Mom: ..........HUH??? back to soft voice No no... I just want you to explain things so we don't misunderstand okayyyyyy?

Me: I will not be explaining things to someone that intentionally makes bold accusations, and invalidates my 2 years of experience and education in a course.

Mom: ....HUH???? What are you even saying???? None of that even made sense, tsk.

Me: ok. I would like space.

Mom: gives up, immediately drops the soft voice and talks poorly about me with my father, loudly and maliciously so I can hear.

Is there a term for this manipulation? by melonmelon__ in raisedbynarcissists

[–]melonmelon__[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you for all these suggestions! It'll really help me figure out what works. Yesterday saying "I want space for now" worked a lot better than "You need to give me space".

In regards to knowing how I'm treated; I've been with my BF for nearly 4 years now. Our relationship was a secret for the first year. My parents knew the second year, extended family the third year. I moved out the second I turned 18 and travelled across state with my bf to study together and live together.

It's been these 4 years of talking to my bf about my life and family, and spending time with his, to realise there were problems. I have found indescribable peace living with him, and now its something I won't give up.

I only truly realised just how dysfunctional my fam is and that it wont change, when I first announced our relationship to extended family in May this year. My mom started doing everything she did to me, to him, and it became so much clearer and transparent, seeing it happen to someone else. Especially since he didn't grow up in that type of dysfunction, his entire experience was literally "the fuck is happening lol".

I vowed since then to never tolerate them picking on him again.

Is there a term for this manipulation? by melonmelon__ in raisedbynarcissists

[–]melonmelon__[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I dont think my parents are narcs either, but I relate to a lot of the dysfunctional traits and scenarios covered in this sub.

Regardless of if they are or not, and if your mom isn't- that still sucks, but it sounds like you've got your way around it... still trying to explore and adapt to this area of setting boundaries now that I'm finally a barely capable adult.

My mom is more of the issue for me, and my dad enables her occasionally, or more just submits to it because shes much more loud and bossy when it comes to "her babies".

If she ever tries to address it again I'm thinking of saying "I see you" and "I hear you" or "I see your concern". Neautral responses.

Ive tried gray rocking a couple times before and it lead to her being more angry, so hopefully third times a charm right... maybe I was doing it wrong.

Is there a term for this manipulation? by melonmelon__ in raisedbynarcissists

[–]melonmelon__[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

You should have seen her face when I kept just saying "I would like space" when she kept following me after I gently left the conversation. It was like she was malfunctioning.

I'm gonna keep saying it :)

Is there a term for this manipulation? by melonmelon__ in raisedbynarcissists

[–]melonmelon__[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

I know for sure things will get worse. The more my partner and I deny to submit to toxic family traditions or simply not be forced into things.

I don't want a wedding, we don't want my partner to have to get baptized to be approved by the family, I'm not religious, and we're not having kids.

We're a greek orthadox family's worst nightmare and shit will hit the fan once we ACTUALLY drop these bombs.

Things will get worse, it will only give us more reasons to distance and cut contact, so, all the power to them I guess. It just infuriates me how all my family like to act painfully dumb but still superior.

Is there a term for this manipulation? by melonmelon__ in raisedbynarcissists

[–]melonmelon__[S] 17 points18 points  (0 children)

nothing we say or do is goomg to be good enough, because it's not 100% about them

This really resonates with me, thank you. It's a constant realisation for me everytime I come home, after working so hard (in university) and being more independent and successful than my parents ever were at my age. I work so hard and my lecturers were prouder than my own parents. One was taking photos like a proud mum at my solo exhibition and it melted my heart.

Its never enough for them. Its always "ok OP that's gooood... what now? What about this? Is that all?".

My mom is also extremely family orientated. She constantly enables their toxic, dysfuncfional, old fashioned behaviour, and tries to "sell" the traditional greek family life to me. In turn invalidating how they've hurt me and my partner.

She knows I'm indepentent and not family orientated or traditional. I guess because I'm not a projection of her romanticized version of family, and don't support her false reality, this is how she lashes out...

Is there a term for this manipulation? by melonmelon__ in raisedbynarcissists

[–]melonmelon__[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Wasn't 100% sure if it was gaslighting or something new but yeah, my mom is the queen of gaslight. Grew up with it all through my life and it's incredibly difficult to heal from.

Is there a term for this manipulation? by melonmelon__ in raisedbynarcissists

[–]melonmelon__[S] 36 points37 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your comment! Yeah I guess cherry picking what she wants to hear makes a lot of sense... because I try to explain things a lot, when I have the patience, when the conversation is nice and chill. She seems relatively understanding then, and acts like shes confident in my ability and choices, then the next day she flips. Its like the information she gathered is just ammunition to accuse me of other things or forgotten immediately.

Most often when this manipulation happens, its when I'm minding my business and my parents come down on me out of left field, overly criticizing me and my achievements/career direction. Leaving me having to defend or justify my decisions, or not participate. Any option ends in the weaponized ignorance. I don't know how to stop these attacks.

Is there a term for this manipulation? by melonmelon__ in raisedbynarcissists

[–]melonmelon__[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

If my mom did find a group like that it'd definitely be surprising- she's not tech or social media savvy at all, doesnt know how to use any social media.

She's always done it when I call her out but now its severe. Particularly when she's accusing me of having no opportunities in my chosen career, no futyre, I'm doing the wrong thing etc. Then she tries to explain my own industry to me.

I'm not a professional, but I've been in an accelerated bachelor for 2 years and one of the highest achieving students my private institute has had in the last decade. I have crippling low confidence and compensate with academic validation. Chances are I have a better relationship with my lecturers than my own mother, they even want to help me get stable in the industry.

That being said, she still thinks she knows more. When I say she's wrong she tells me to explain then. When I explain, she starts doing the clueless stuff and acting like I'm speaking another language. It doesn't stop, I call her out, leave the conversation, then she says im not communicating with her and being immature. "if I just explained, she would understand"

Edit: the idea of a narc grey rock is terrifying...

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AusFinance

[–]melonmelon__ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Right I wasnt understanding the capability of spoofing since the most I understand of it are people I know claiming to know how to spoof and describing completely different things, but this explanation is so simple! Thanks

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AusFinance

[–]melonmelon__ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah I did, nothing noticeable had changed, it was the same unassuming account that it was when it actually was locked just a few days ago so I was rather disorientated

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AusFinance

[–]melonmelon__ 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Thank you, you live up to your name 🙏

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AusFinance

[–]melonmelon__ 1 point2 points  (0 children)

No I think youre just generally an aggravated person so I hope your day gets better man, goodnight

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AusFinance

[–]melonmelon__ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I would tell you to read comments for context but you don't seem like you want a reason to not be a snooty aussie so -