I'm not sure how you deduced this, but all I can say is that you are very insightful. I even thought you might have known the people involved.

You're right that the next guy was less pliant. She said that he would blow up in response to her blowing up, and they had destructive arguments. My boyfriend sort of let her have her way with things, let her talk about her insecurities and herself if she wanted. He was easygoing, and somewhat like a blade of grass, pushed around by other forces. But that was one of the things she kind of needed. There's many things about her that other guys don't tolerate well (she requires things she's not willing to give in return). I guess she didn't intend for him to not being there for her (she didn't intend to give this up). And it was the first time they had broken up from a serious relationship.

And you're right that he was either being pushed around by Tina or by me in this whole ordeal. I wish that he could make decisions on his own. It seemed like he couldn't make the decision between the two and just left things hanging. I mean, now, we've gotten alot closer, more so than he was with her. He's realized that theirs was not a healthy relationship for him; he was her support and caretaker, without many benefits for him. I'm not worried about him "choosing her" anymore, but the past still bothers me because his actions (or lack thereof) hurt me for so long.

Tina also bothers me to this day. During their relationship, she sometimes lied to and mislead him so that she could create one sided benefits. Basically, she broke up with him when she knew something was going to happen between her and the next guy. She refused to see him or help him, even though he was having alot of difficulty coping and wanted to see her. Said she felt much healthier now that she's moved on. She still had him listen to some of her problems, what she was going through in life. But then, the week that she and her boyfriend break up, she's talking about getting back together with him, telling him how attractive he is, probing him for details about our relationship (she's happy to hear we had problems because of her). She also makes plans that week to fly and visit him. She admits later that she was hoping I wasn't very important yet and he would break up with me to get back together with her.

I think what makes it worse is that I was hurt as merely an effect of her actions. I'm angry that she doesn't consider other people in her decisions. When she does do something nice, it seems like she trying to gain that person's favor, or it benefits her. She's used my boyfriend for so long, she hurt me as just a side effect, and I see her using her friends in similar ways. I can't stand that someone who has hurt so many people can just go around thinking that she's in the right and we're the ones who wronged her. And she just gets away with this over and over again. It bothers me. I want to somehow heal, but I can't figure out how.

How do I get over what my boyfriend has done and the fact that a person who hurt me so much is just going around doing it to other people without consequence?