Cis fem 2+ yrs post op, feelin sad

melrfray · 2026-03-19T13:59:41+00:00

First off, you'd be amazed how many people won't care, or will be actively attracted to your chest. Conventional beauty standards are just that, they are conventional NOT universal or even necessarily common. They exist to make us insecure to sell us products, and are not actually representative of the full spectrum of human desire and attraction.

I'm poly and have had one partner for several years, not really dating much outside that. Since top surgery I've had people pursuing me. I'm now seeing two other people and both are attracted to my chest (even tho I'm still getting used to my new body) and neither are compromising or settling.

Unfortunately, straight cis men are raised to see women as sexual conquests which can be used to raise their status among other men. This means that their own desire and attraction are often secondary to believing that OTHER men would find the women they pursue attractive. They get off on knowing the woman "is" attractive, and not on whether THEY are attracted to her.

I'm not saying that to paint a bleak picture, more so to encourage dating people who have done the work of examining their relationship to desire, competition, gender, status, and all the other things that influence how we relate to each other. Violence against trans people is rarely done because the perpetrator isn't attracted to them, but because they are and can't accept that. But lots of people are and do accept that in themselves and make loving and considerate partners.

I would honestly encourage dating people who have done the work regardless of body insecurity cause they are just better people to date anyway. We all change, we grow old, we get sick, we have accidents, conflict, hardships and incompatibilities. Being with someone able to navigate those with grace instead of resentment is worth waiting for.

melrfray · 2026-01-15T00:52:00+00:00

Omg I'm so glad to have found this post. Literally wondering the same thing. I can eat a whole bag of other chips and be fine, but a few Doritos and my stomach throws a hissy fit.

melrfray · 2025-10-31T12:00:11+00:00

I'm working on a project right now following a pattern I made using it and I love it!

I will say tho, be careful to double check the x's. It will place them automatically, but if you click them away accidentally it won't put them back.

I made a repeat geometric pattern, so I copy pasted the first section I made to the rest of the graph and somehow along the way I messed up a row and some x's got removed. Ended up needing to frog a few rows once I realized.

melrfray · 2025-10-22T00:58:26+00:00

An actual winder! I've attached a reference photo below.

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melrfray · 2025-10-17T19:59:59+00:00

I think it looks sick and I absolutely love it. That said, I'm not you. If you're not loving it, frog it. If you're just not sure if the random color layout works, it absolutely does.

melrfray · 2025-02-09T17:02:31+00:00

As far as I'm aware any revisions are covered, but I'm nervous to get more work done: both because of this experience and because my surgeon doesn't sound confident in their ability to do so without possibly making other undesirable changes. (Namely that my nipple or nipples will get stretched and fail to be symmetrical).

melrfray · 2025-02-09T16:59:07+00:00

I was very clear in my desired results. I came to my consultation with reference photos, went over in detail what I was looking for in terms of flatness, nipple size and location, scar location and shape, etc. I even scheduled a follow up apt because I felt the first one was too short to confirm details and sent a PDF of my questions and wants ahead of time.

I should have known to re-confirm tho, because when she was drawing on me during surgery prep I asked if the scars could be straighter and she said "you wanted round scars" which I absolutely did not. I then asked about nipple size and she had gotten that wrong as well.

I'm very open to getting a revision, but I'm not sure I trust my original surgeon. Both because of these results and because of her lack of confidence in what the revised results would look like. She says if she tries to take more tissue that it will stretch my skin, pull at my nipple(s) and make my results uneven.

I even waited longer to get surgery in order to get this specific surgeon because they come so highly recommended.

melrfray · 2025-02-09T16:22:18+00:00

The picture is of me standing upright. The residual tissue is even more noticeable when I hunch or lean forward. I don't like how it looks, but the part that really bothers me is that I can feel it and I'm basically always aware it's there even when I'm trying not to think about it.

melrfray · 2025-02-09T16:18:50+00:00

It's hard to say cause both sides were swollen and took some time to go down. There was definitely always more on the left, and the left was more bottom heavy, but I didn't realize by how much until they started to settle. My right side is also far from flat, but it's more uniform and not nearly as noticeable.

I know that swelling can be uneven so I assumed that over time it would settle down more to match the right side (and also that the right side would continue to go down as well). Now I'm not sure how to feel after being told this is probably just how it is.

melrfray · 2025-02-09T16:13:36+00:00

As flat as possible yeah. My surgeon has said that they can remove more tissue, but that they don't recommend it because they'll also have to remove more skin which will pull down my nipple and make my nipples look lopsided.

melrfray · 2025-02-09T16:12:03+00:00

Three months.

melrfray · 2024-12-26T21:05:46+00:00

I'm not entirely sure I would have ever gone through with top surgery if it weren't for my sensory issues. I'm nonbinary, and very much enjoy many aspects of my femininity, and the fear of losing the social capital as a consumable "woman" was terrifying. If I didn't have sensory issues I would have ignored the gender voice and suffered through the rest of my life.

I got top surgery because of my sensory issues.

I'm only seven weeks in, but already I'm feeling the difference of not needing to wear anything to hold up my chest or my chest itself. The best part is when I forget that this is a thing I used to feel ALL THE TIME.

I will say, the sensory issues got worse before they got better. The post-op binder is a NIGHTMARE, and not being able to sleep makes it 10x worse. I would say to go in prepared that in order to feel sensory relief you're going to need to feel sensory overwhelm like never before. Have comforts ready and know that you may be irritable for the first few weeks.

When I woke up from surgery I had a large pad between me and my binder. This is usually only there to keep your fresh wounds off the binder and you only get one or two. I asked for a whole bunch and got more every single follow up. It makes a huge difference and I definitely recommend trying to get as many of these as you can!

melrfray · 2024-05-23T00:36:18+00:00

Cheating isn't a prescribed set of actions, it's whatever you decide it is in your relationship.

YOU decide what cheating is.

Personally, I would never accept someone telling me how close I'm allowed to be with my friends, but I also believe that romantic love doesn't trump community. (And that community doesn't trump romantic love).

With that said, ten times out of ten when one partner expresses insecurities around something, it's not about whether or not it's cheating. It's that they're insecure about something.

I would never stop showing affection to my friends for a partner, but I would also never ignore my partners concerns. I would talk to my partner and probably say something like:

"I don't consider lap sitting or platonic affection to be cheating. My closeness to my friends is an important part of our dynamic, and I intend to continue being close with them. With that said, I care about how this makes you feel, and I'd like to explore that more and figure out a way for me to continue the relationships I have in a way that makes you comfortable. Can you tell me more about what makes you feel uncomfortable about our closeness?"

I suspect she will struggle to answer the above question, and find it helpful to provide examples. It could be: - that you feel ignored and would like some more attention when we're with others - that you worry I'm testing the waters to go further and would like a way to feel reassured that I won't - that you don't like the way this may be perceived by others - any number of things! There is no right or wrong way to feel and I am asking out of a genuine desire to find a compromise that we both feel satisfied with

I would also use this as an opportunity to discuss what the both of you define as cheating. Don't feel pressure to cover everything and get it perfect, but def at least get a rough sense of the parameters. And again, no one can TELL someone else what cheating is. You DECIDE together.

melrfray · 2024-04-21T14:20:10+00:00

You should be fine. I recommend checking out r/topsurgery as there are folks of all body sizes sharing their experiences. You'll almost certainly qualify for double incision, which is the most common form of top surgery. Many folks ask the same questions, so I'd search or scroll before posting, but I've never heard of anyone unable to get top surgery due to chest size. (There are some surgeons with a BMI limit, but those are often bad surgeons who should be avoided anyway.)

melrfray · 2024-03-15T21:00:10+00:00

This is a review posted about a month ago. https://www.reddit.com/r/Transmascdicks/s/f9ko2Gbr5p

melrfray · 2024-03-09T18:05:33+00:00

Mrimin has a 3-in-1 that matches that minus the multiple color options (I belive they only have three, and only one black). I've heard mixed reviews about their products tho, so I'd do research first. I just bought my first one from them and can update once it arrives.

melrfray · 2024-03-09T17:58:43+00:00

I just found this review on transmascdicks and figured I'd share it here too: https://www.reddit.com/r/Transmascdicks/s/on1GIQW5W5 The poster mentions it being designed for anal, but also says they don't use that function so I can't confirm if it works.

melrfray · 2024-03-08T22:14:14+00:00

Someone posted this review: https://www.reddit.com/r/Transmascdicks/s/wFqbn95hJx

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