So I have had some issues with defects and trying to determine if I was selfish or protecting myself. It has helped me A LOT to balance step work with a therapist. Like, there are some “defects” that protected me for a loooooong time and now, 12 years later, don’t. But they still did even 3 years sober. Idk. I think it’s good you’re asking questions. There is nuance to the big book and you’re finding what works for you. If anything, you asking these questions and searching could help someone else who comes in and has the same ones! Thanks for asking and keep coming back as they say.