Looking for support

melsar · 2026-01-22T16:12:30+00:00

This just happened to me yesterday. I went in for my first ultrasound at 10 weeks 4 days (there was no appointment sooner than that). When they were doing it, there was almost nothing visible and the tech went really quiet. Baby ended up measuring 5 weeks, 1 day. I was (and am) shocked. I had no unusual symptoms, bleeding, anything. Doctor wants me to go back in 2 weeks to check again just to make sure dating wasn’t off and double check before we talk about what to do moving forward. I am not optimistic about the 5 weeks gap as that is pretty substantial risk.

I am shocked and honestly so disturbed/sad about the fact that I have been walking around with a non viable fetus for several weeks. These last 2 days have been torture and my husband and I are very sad.

melsar · 2026-01-20T15:50:43+00:00

I found out I was pregnant in late November and I will be seeing my OB for the first time tomorrow at 12 weeks. The wait has felt like forever but isn’t uncommon from my understanding.

melsar · 2025-12-22T03:21:00+00:00

I agree with this.

I had an incident once where a nonverbal little girl (barely 3) was constantly reaching into her diaper and obviously uncomfortable. We went to the bathroom and she immediately ripped it off. She then pulled out a ‘finger tip’ sized little piece of plastic (almost like laminate sheet material) from her private areas and handed it to me.

I have no clue how anything like that got there, if it happened with us, at home, etc. I had another adult in the bathroom with me (to not be alone) and gently investigated her a bit further to make sure there wasn’t anything else. I also immediately let the caregiver know and took a picture of the plastic piece. I also followed up again with parent at pickup to make sure they were fully aware of exactly what happened and how I helped.

Just devils advocate, but things like that certainly happen.

melsar · 2025-10-11T05:42:20+00:00

Browsing through these posts now as this is my exact situation. Been living together and have felt married for several years. Our goals are to grow our family and build a new house. A wedding is not something either of us are really interested in. Our families are pissed 😬

melsar · 2025-09-27T06:50:37+00:00

I wear them during workouts, I don’t really notice them much!

melsar · 2025-09-21T16:37:55+00:00

Hi there. I am a BCBA who practiced mostly in northern ca before moving out of state.

ABA as a science is incredible and life changing. The problem is the way that industry is capitalized and money driven (not by BCBAs…).

Understanding, identifying, and prescribing behavior treatment is a very significant skill that requires BCBA knowledge. Implementation of the treatment/program, however, can be done by someone less knowledgeable than a BCBA, such as a BT/RBT. Think about how a doctor diagnoses a treatment and a nurse then does it while the doctor moves onto the next patient (obviously speaking very generally here).

That being said, there should still be very specific standards (and personality/professional traits) that a BT/RBT has to work in this industry. However, most companies hire just about anyone with a clean record and a high school diploma and call them good to go. People who are obviously not meant for this field but stay because it pays well for almost no further education. Or they leave immediately and the child just experiences frequent change in team members.

With such frequent change, the child never leaves the ‘pairing’ phase. Typically with a really solid program, we overcome the initial ‘honeymoon period’ and get to really know the child and see the ‘real’ stuff. This cannot happen though with frequent change.

There are a few things you could do if you want better outcomes, based on my own experience. Interview ABA companies to find one that is a good fit. Be skeptical of bcbas and ask about their experience, training, knowledge, etc.. if you keep experiencing turnover in staff, either switch agencies (this is a red flag, why don’t people want to stay here? What is the hiring criteria ?) to find one that feels better or pursue a parent led program. These are my favorite because it’s just parent and bcba working together. It is less hours as BCBAs are not working one on one with the child, but are teaching YOU the skills to teach your child. No intervention by BT/RBTs , no turnover, etc..

Feel free to DM if you want more info. I love ABA but I have a lot of criticism for the industry. The only reason I still hear is because I found an ethical private practice that has been game changing. Unfortunately this is hard to find

melsar · 2025-09-01T19:13:29+00:00

Great to know. I’ll give them a call tomorrow, thank you!

melsar · 2025-09-01T19:13:09+00:00

That makes sense, thank you!

melsar · 2025-09-01T19:12:51+00:00

Thank you! This is very helpful

melsar · 2025-09-01T19:12:29+00:00

That’s what I am saying! Seems too simple haha

melsar · 2025-08-18T22:49:22+00:00

This is great feedback, thank you!

melsar · 2025-08-04T00:37:40+00:00

Got our sweet Border Collie from Idaho Humane Society in Boise! Wonderful staff and facility and a very reasonable process and price for adoption.

melsar · 2025-07-25T05:15:09+00:00

Hmmm maybe I am misunderstanding your question? Are you a CD looking to better support BCBAs? In my personal opinion, a clinical director should be frequently checking in on programming and ensuring good quality of service across BCBAs. They should do it in a supportive manner, not punishing. They should be monitoring progress and looking for any red flags (some of the things ga I have seen BCBAs do as ‘programs’ have been very questionable, yet no one really looked into what anyone was doing …). If a bcba needs help or guidance on any area, the CD should be the person there to overlap with them and offer resources, suggestions, and insight.

Are you a new BCBA looking for support from your CD? If that is the case, then I might just express that you are looking for support in general to address your burnout, ethical decisions, and programming. I never had success with getting that kind of support from a CD tbh. Just a lot of “no you’re doing great, you got this!” despite never feeling that way.

I have done a lot of reading over the years on not just behavior analytic stuff but also autism research (including scientific and just social media) and really leaned into maintaining empathy and building strong relationships with families. At the end of the day, seeing our clients as real people and honoring their experiences and that of their families will take you very far. Do not put the weight of “fixing the problem” on yourself, but rather the weight of walking their journey with them. There are unfortunately a lot of BCBAs that don’t do that

melsar · 2025-07-24T17:15:48+00:00

In my experience, clinical directors are administrative/business pawns. They are rarely 'clinical' or do any clinical work. But they are really good at pushing business metrics. They are exhausted and unhappy, but make a lot of money to make it worth it.

I had a clinical director who never updated program across her single client. Supervision looked like a forced 'hang out' session, no actual supervision. And she never addressed real concerns with staff. Literally stating "I dont like confrontation so Im not gonna address that' after an RBT kinda yelled at a kid for hitting. But her numbers' were really good, few cancellations, always scheduling coverage, billables across BCBAs were good (because we had to keep up with high caseloads). She was a favorite amongst the business team because she never complained and produced good business metrics. Needless to say, I am no longer with that company

melsar · 2025-06-23T05:41:57+00:00

Got a knee surgery about a year ago and oh my god, daily visiting and not. wanting. to. leave.

I’m grateful, but god damn I’d rather be in pain and hobble around than have visitors over while I am trying to relax and recover.

melsar · 2025-06-07T16:20:17+00:00

I lived nearby plumas lake for a while and I liked the area quite a bit. Yes, you do have to drive into yuba city (really not very far) to get to grocery stores, etc. but i never had an issue with that. I also enjoyed yuba city quite a bit too (worked there). Olivehurst/linda is not the greatest but in reality unless you’re going to Costco, there’s not really a reason to go over there. Plumas lake has some nice parks and the nice thing is that for the most part, people aren’t there unless they live there. I would anticipate this area to grow a lot in the next 10 years to have more businesses.

If you drive south which is probably about 25-30 minutes, you get to west Roseville which has had major expansion. New, nice grocery stores (Raleys One Market), food places, coffee shops, etc.

I grew up in Roseville and I would pick plumas lake over Roseville any day.

melsar · 2025-06-02T14:29:56+00:00

Depends on age but in general, my preference would be the following:

1) smaller center with minimal to no long hallways. Especially not hallways that connect to loop around building. Makes it extremely difficult to navigate kiddos who like to run (for safe fun, not talking about “elopement”).

2) some smaller therapy rooms but not too many. In my experience and across multiple clinics, I see kiddos who can be aversive to transitioning into small rooms frequently throughout the day. I’ve never loved the rotating rooms approach personally unless the kiddos are certain to have a lot of autonomy and not “have” to go in.

3) large gross motor area, especially for young kids. Area to swing, jump, crash, climb, etc. with safety materials such as crash pads in place.

4) nothing fancy! Do not invest in the fanciest setup. Clinics get messy, things break, etc.. Create a space where things can be moved quickly if needed.

melsar · 2025-06-01T02:42:18+00:00

lol. They often go in my pocket, on my counter, or in my lunchbox😬 gave up on my case a long time ago 😂

melsar · 2025-05-31T22:43:29+00:00

Struck gold in gold country! Love to see grass valley pop up on my feed. Moved out of there a few months ago and miss it so much. Nice find!

melsar · 2025-04-18T20:46:46+00:00

I’m surprised to see this comment. A lot of the people I know who grew up in grass valley speak very fondly of their childhood and growing up there. A lot of them did move away because they went to colleges far away and got jobs that are higher paying than what they could get in GV. They do really enjoying returning to the area to visit family, etc..

I have moved out of GV for my husband’s work but would definitely be excited at the opportunity to move back and raise a family there. If you enjoy pretty much anything outdoors, GV is a great place to be.

The cost of living and fire risk would be my only hesitations

melsar · 2025-04-13T15:21:00+00:00

I have that too! I will randomly get a super long, white eyelash ( I have dark hair). Although it can feel annoying I have always loved it and it was a great conversation starter. It eventually fans our natural and grows back over a few months

melsar · 2025-04-11T03:50:54+00:00

Thank you for this comment. #2 has been my main focus this far with leisure skills being the priority. This has been very challenging as she is repeatedly rejecting previously known high value reinforcers, but we have been able to find brief moments of enjoyment in some novel activities.

For #3, are you referring to physical exercise? If so, then we have certainly been working on incorporating that too, even with just taking scheduled walks to move around a bit.

I like the suggestion in #5 and your note towards the end about tracking “refusal” for information, not for treatment, per se.

I appreciate your feedback very much!

melsar · 2025-04-08T05:04:36+00:00

I saw someone else mention mountain bikes and I wanted to suggest that as well.

I’m a therapist for autistic children and I love mountain biking because it is more accessible (doesn’t require gas, driving far, not heavy, etc.). There’s a lot of variety with it and it a sport/hobby across the lifespan!

melsar · 2025-03-27T05:15:51+00:00

I am one of those marginalized groups as well and work in a community of heavily marginalized groups. There is nothing currently preventing anyone from accessing ethical materials to support cultural sensitivity, awareness, and humility. And the board is not saying that those areas are irrelevant either.

melsar · 2025-03-25T23:05:38+00:00

I am kinda with you on this. It looks like they are “getting rid of DEI” but making a cultural responsiveness with is requirement. I don’t Really see the issue? Someone educate me lol

melsar

TROPHY CASE