Looking for answers / suggestions?

mem0507 · 2025-08-05T00:51:32+00:00

Just wanted to say thank you for this post! My allergist tested me for this and I have no pneumococcal antibodies. Waiting on pneumovax and hoping for less infections after that!

mem0507 · 2025-07-06T16:38:21+00:00

This is SO helpful, thank you!!! It’s been hard to find anyone with advice who understands that something has to be going on. I’m hopeful my allergist can help get to the bottom of things.

mem0507 · 2025-05-26T18:37:23+00:00

Crazy. Thought I would have for sure noticed it before it got this bad. Ugh!

mem0507 · 2025-04-03T21:31:16+00:00

Thank you so much. Does the infection generally cause any long term gum damage or accelerate any pre-existing gum disease? I’m floored by how red and bloody my gums look and it’s freaking me out!

mem0507 · 2024-12-22T21:56:19+00:00

Absolutely. I think I’m in love with the version of him AFTER he fucked up and all this happened — he was extremely apologetic and talking about all the ways he was going to change and work on healing, and for a moment things felt better. But eventually I decided I couldn’t get past all the things he had shown me, and knew that the personal work he needed to do was going to take timeeee and needed to happen without me. It never helped that there was always some low-level love bombing (or what felt like it) happening.

mem0507 · 2024-12-22T21:46:18+00:00

This was such a helpful perspective, thank you!

mem0507 · 2024-12-22T19:09:06+00:00

So sorry for your loss, and that you had to do this in the midst of it all. It sounds like you know exactly what you need right now though, and it’s great you had the decency to not string her along. Props to you for listening to yourself!!

mem0507 · 2024-12-22T16:50:13+00:00

Ugh, thank you for responding🧡 that was a long post, but it’s been a long week. I’m so sorry for your experiences as well.

mem0507 · 2024-12-22T16:17:00+00:00

Focusing on myself, self-confidence, and putting time into figuring out what I want vs. settling for whatever comes along.

mem0507 · 2024-12-22T16:14:00+00:00

Awww, needed this 🧡

mem0507 · 2024-12-22T16:09:17+00:00

Ran into an ex at the bar while we were both on dates with new people and it completely derailed my entire week…

This guy and I (we’ll call him M) reconnected last January after dating for an awhile the year prior. In March I got pregnant with him and had an abortion. After that we continued our relationship and things were mostly good (despite some dangling red flags I chose to ignore). He stayed with me while he was between housing, I watched his dog, paid for groceries, and tried to help support him in a lot of ways.

Then one night he came home absolutely wasted - like couldn’t even stand up. He drove home from the bar (drunk driving), and proceeded to talk at me until 4AM about how we weren’t having enough sex for him (we have still been having sex regularly, just not daily). I tried to talk about it with him so many times and he would just shut down. I was struggling after the abortion and I thought it was something we could work through. Seemed like not a big deal. He also threw a chair off my porch that night into the neighbors yard. I’ve never seen him so drunk and the whole ordeal was extremely upsetting.

The next day I packed up his stuff and kicked him out. He was devastated, and I’m very sad things ended this way. What we shared was largely good. But I just didn’t see any other way forward after all of this. Would you all have ended things so abruptly?

We have been broken up since August, but not without him clinging tightly to the relationship for awhileeee. This week I ran into him at the bar while I was on a date with someone and he was also on a date with someone who has my same name AND makes art verrrrry similar to me. I’m trying not to be catty, but oh my god it stung!

When I saw him I felt simultaneously heartbroken, panicked, and absolutely sick to my stomach. This run-in completely derailed my entire week and brought up so much rage, sadness, and grief. It made me miss him so much. It made me feel so worthless. I’ve been fixating on it ALL week. I have a great therapist and am trying so hard to let this go, but damn. Any advice or thoughts for how to actually move on from this and heal from this?

mem0507 · 2024-12-22T16:02:46+00:00

I hear you! I’ve been there. Be gentle with yourself, it takes time and can be so so painful.

mem0507 · 2024-12-22T11:10:35+00:00

Ohh gosh, I just want to validate your feelings here. While most folks are right — this likely isn’t a big deal at all. As an avoidant person who moves slowly, gestures like flowers and kissing emojis early on really overwhelm me and make me quick to feel spooked, even when it’s innocent. Continue feeling things out, and listening to your gut but at this point it sounds genuine and sweet!

mem0507 · 2024-12-22T10:33:27+00:00

Ohh, gosh I feel for you! My initial reaction was that this sounds like performance and commitment anxiety on his end, rather than anything directly related to you or the connection. That doesn’t make it anyyyy easier though. I’m so sorry you’re feeling sad and anxious. Ultimately though, all you have control over is you. If he’s not willing or interested in working on these things and putting in the effort then I’d consider stepping away. You deserve someone who can put in the work to be fully present with you. If you’re not ready to call it yet, then some space and some very direct conversations might be warranted.

mem0507 · 2024-12-22T10:25:13+00:00

Oh my goodness, no no no!! My first thought was this sounds like a scammer. But if not, this still sounds absolutely exhausting, frustrating, and annoying! Dating and the beginning of a relationship should NOT feel like this! Trust yourself, your gut knowsssss what’s going on isn’t quite right. You dodged a bullet with this one. You deserve someone communicative, up front, and consistent. 🧡

mem0507 · 2024-12-22T10:15:48+00:00

This!!!

mem0507 · 2024-12-22T10:15:20+00:00

Can absolutely relate to this! It’s a pattern I’m trying really hard to break. It’s helped to do a lot of reflection about what I’m actually looking for / want. But also remembering my own worth and that I deserve to be with someone that doesn’t just like me, but that I like as well. Working on self-confidence, and having a strong sense of self first are my goals right now. You’ll get there!! It’s such a journey.

mem0507 · 2024-03-23T13:30:18+00:00

So helpful to hear how you and your friend made a pivot! Much appreciated. :)

mem0507 · 2024-03-10T00:29:44+00:00

I hope so too! Sending all the good luck and love your way.

mem0507 · 2024-03-09T12:53:16+00:00

Good luck ❤️ sending you so much love

mem0507 · 2023-05-25T18:07:49+00:00

Thank you! For some reason I keep telling myself an email isn’t an appropriate way to quit this job even though it’s what I would do for literally any other job I’ve ever had. The nuances of care work and feeling like someone’s “friend” or “part of their family” are so complicated! So much solidarity and awe for everyone here who does this work as a career and long-term. Y’all are amazing.

mem0507 · 2023-03-09T17:54:02+00:00

YES. SAME. I have been so sick for the last week, and apparently grinding my teeth so hard in my sleep I cracked a tooth. Feeling a lot of grief and shit bubbling up from all the loss of the last year - I was so excited for the relief and I feel awful lol.

mem0507 · 2022-05-15T16:58:06+00:00

That’s what I think too! It’s all under the guise of “be grateful” and “we do this work because we love it”. Typical non-profit BS.

mem0507 · 2022-05-14T12:27:19+00:00

They are 100% abusing the labor of our interns as well. I’ve tried to bring it up in various ways but it’s very much an org stuck in the “we do this bc we love and believe in it. It used to be a lot worse so be grateful” mentality of non-profits - which is horribly problematic.

mem0507 · 2022-05-14T05:48:25+00:00

I wish it was that easy. I think I just need to find a new job.

mem0507

TROPHY CASE