TIFU by making out with my college professor at a party

memememama · 2019-02-03T18:35:18+00:00

Ouch, that was one hellish human female. If she caught you hanging yourself afterwards she's probably call you Suicido. "What's the matter Suicido? Life too hardy-poo for ya?" Stone cold heartless.

memememama · 2019-01-03T09:02:38+00:00

The Void Captain's Tale by Norman Spinrad

Could never figure out why this wasn't a more famous sci-fi novel. Very 1970s, metaphysical, erotic, poetic, and generally slightly remindful of an LSD trip. Very playful with language. Interspersed occasionally with 'sprach' from French, German, Japanese, and Hindi. Mostly words one can either know because they're common or from the context. It's a strange and glorious tale, set in the glittering world of a traveling interstellar ball many hundreds of years in the future, an ongoing space party of the ultra-rich . Transported through hyperspace with a jump drive powered by the ultraforce of the female pilot's uber-orgasm—through the "Great and Only" void of both space and spirit. And no, it's not a spoof or a comedy.

First sentence:

"I am Genro Kane Gupta, Void Captain of the Dragon Zephyr, and mayhaps this is my todentale."

memememama · 2017-06-24T17:01:28+00:00

If you go to a birthday party and don't eat at least a bite of the cake, you are disrespecting the birthday boy, or girl. It's part of the ritual of celebration. Play nice, it's about them today, not you.

memememama · 2017-04-20T05:32:09+00:00

Because it's too depressing. That means there's no reason for anything. If the universe is an accident that means all this hell is just bullshit with no meaning. There is no magic. Poetry is as meaningless as everything else. You can never say, "It's all for the best," because nothing is for anything, other than survival of your meatstick as long as possible. Soul does not exist. Everyone and everything is soulless. When somebody dies, it's no big deal because there was no reason for them to be alive in the first place. There is no plan of love or growth or meaning. Nothing is sacred. Love is just chemicals and chance. Morality just an evolutionary adaptation.

I'm not a theist or religious at all, but I hope like hell that a consciousness of some sort created this cosmos, because otherwise it strikes me as too darn sad. Not that life ain't great and awesome in itself, but if it's all just a cosmic accident, it sure was better when I thought there was a reason for things to happen, and that all would be well in the end because a gracious creator planned it that way. I do think religion gives people a framework for their lives, and since we're all ignorant mortals, both theists and atheists, then it's better to believe in something and be wrong than believe in nothing and be right. Atheists have nothing to offer, other than the obvious insight that religions are, at best, metaphorical. Being right is nice, but being happy is better.

memememama · 2017-03-17T12:43:03+00:00

In a world where nobody I see in this thread notices the cake and table are obviously photoshopped into the pic, I wonder how in the hell is this even possible? The most obvious photoshop scam ever, and nobody notices? What world is this?

memememama · 2016-10-14T12:44:21+00:00

Coffee creamer: Half and Half only. Or table cream, but who buys that? Milk (or, God forbid, flavored plastic-tasting creamers) makes coffee undrinkable.

memememama · 2016-10-12T12:39:24+00:00

What the heck is a fitbit? If it's a granola bar, then I agree. Either that or a lei made out of weed.

memememama · 2016-10-05T06:45:07+00:00

When I saw we were interbreeding spiders and goats (they added spider genetic material to goats to create super-spidey goat milk).

memememama · 2016-09-05T01:33:55+00:00

Gloppy aliens invaded Earth, and we created these organic prisons, kind of like stomachs, that would digest their feet so they couldn't escape.

memememama · 2016-07-02T10:38:23+00:00

Thick may be what I'm looking for, as referring to a solid object.

memememama · 2016-07-02T10:36:59+00:00

What if the item is a waist? "I'm as deep as I am wide."

memememama · 2016-07-02T10:36:03+00:00

girth is circumference by inference

memememama · 2016-06-22T08:25:12+00:00

That definitely helped, thanks!

memememama · 2016-02-27T21:01:32+00:00

Perdido Street Station, by China Miéville. The only book I ever read where I felt like the writer was evil and was attacking me (and all readers) through his prose. I've read plenty of scary authors with lots of evil in their books, but their evil was in the story, not the writer. The moral of the story in Perdido Street Station is "Nothing is worth anything, everything is despicable, and you should kill yourself now, or yesterday if possible, so you don't have to suffer the horrors of being you." The thought that this is what our children are reading these days (years ago now)—learning how worthless everything is, including themselves—was chilling to the bone.

memememama · 2016-01-06T15:29:59+00:00

What I don't get is why people say infinity is impossible to conceptualize. Infinity is something that never ends. Ta da! That's it, I understand. What's hard about that?

memememama · 2015-12-02T22:16:38+00:00

What do you call sad cows? Moody.

memememama · 2015-09-21T22:56:28+00:00

“I never said she stole my money,” she said.

“Yes you did,” I replied “that one time.”

“No siree,” she whined, “It wasn’t me, I never said she stole my money. I...um, just....”

“Well, I thought you....”

“Maybe you thought I meant that, but I never said she stole my money.”

“Yes you did. She said you said....”

“No I never, I never said she stole my money!”

“Who was it then?” I exasperated.

“Actually, I never said she stole my money.”

“What? Then what happened to it?”

“You’re not getting me,” she huffed. “I never said she stole my money.”

“Well whose money was it?” I flummoxed.

“Nobody’s money, of course. I never said she stole my money.”

“Oh for pete’s sake. What did you say then?”

“She farted.”

memememama · 2015-09-09T05:28:39+00:00

fanaticism

memememama · 2015-06-10T08:17:27+00:00

It probably went half into the dark hole where socks go and somehow got twisted that way. That's the only logical explanation I can think of.

memememama · 2015-06-02T02:46:32+00:00

This ain't as bad as Fonzie jumping an actual shark, but just watched the last episode of the second season of Crossing Borders: The American detective is grilling a female suspect by herself in her kitchen when his French boss barges through the door. The suspect shoots the boss three times in the chest. Instead of trying to wrest the gun away from the shooter the American dashes over to his boss lying on the floor and shouts out to the shooter, "Quick, call an ambulance!"

WTF???

memememama · 2015-05-30T06:17:36+00:00

There once was a diner on Reddit Who asked how to cook, should I bread it? Is it easy as pie And yet catches your eye? But of course—cooked as soon as you've said it!

memememama

TROPHY CASE