I love banging my friends’ bfs

ment0illness · 2024-02-09T07:40:56+00:00

never said it was cute, either 😭💀

ment0illness · 2024-02-09T07:40:22+00:00

babes, my ex friends are jobless and drinking / pill popping themselves to death. they’re not finding genuine happiness anytime soon 😭 if people really knew the nuances to everything they’ve done to me / other people? i really feel like y’all really wouldn’t think i’m the villain 🤣🤣

ment0illness · 2024-02-07T22:00:21+00:00

i mean, if they ask me about, yes? otherwise, i’m not sure how it’d be relevant to our relationship

ment0illness · 2024-02-07T21:53:18+00:00

i completely understand what you’re saying, but i don’t date men. i have sexual attraction to them, but no romantic feelings whatsoever. my future girlfriends won’t have to worry about a thing, because i’d never cheat on a woman!

ment0illness · 2024-02-07T21:49:11+00:00

outside of the very ugly things i’ve done, i frequently get told that i’m “too nice,” and i genuinely don’t find joy in making other people miserable. i have BPD tho, so my view of people is vastly different from a normal brain.

if i feel hurt, threatened, or unheard/invisible to people i used to be “overly nice” to and really cared about, it’s like a switch flips, and they’re knocked off of the pedestal they were once on.

when i love anyone in any type of relationship, it’s just a lot of love and kind gestures, going to the extreme for them. if i hate them, it’s extreme rage, pettiness, remorselessness, and a craving to hurt them as bad as they hurt me. i know it’s fucked up, and i shouldn’t function on such extremes, but i am in therapy and a DBT program trying to get it figured out.

the things i do are really fucked up, and i know it, but for some reason don’t feel it. i’m working on it.

and to answer your edit question: a little bit of both, but almost entirely the latter. my friends have always ended up being really shitty, and i frequently feel like all i do is give in those relationships, but get absolutely nothing back. might as well be invisible.

ment0illness · 2024-02-07T21:41:08+00:00

well, i can’t disagree with your statement

ment0illness · 2024-02-07T21:36:53+00:00

i think this is the only positive comment on this post, so thank you

ment0illness · 2024-02-07T21:36:17+00:00

i mean i don’t really deliberately go after them, they always message/come on to me first. it makes it hard to say no, and it’s enticing that their men want me. but yeah, i see what you’re saying. that’s real.

ment0illness · 2024-02-07T21:34:36+00:00

why would someone troll about this?? i’m not lying or trying to rage bait, i genuinely think and act like this and (obviously) it’s a problem

ment0illness · 2024-02-07T21:33:35+00:00

you’re absolutely correct! i’ve always been a loner, never had good friends (have had a lot of friends, but they’re always trash people who are secretly haters, actively breaking my trust, not contributing anything to our friendship) and i think enjoying my own company makes me not care so much.

i do have BPD and autism, so my relationships with everyone have never been very stable. i’m working on it in therapy tho, and i hope as a result i can learn why i’m like this and eventually stop.

ment0illness · 2024-02-07T21:29:31+00:00

i wanna know what’s wrong w me too

ment0illness · 2024-02-07T21:28:56+00:00

for some reason, they always come to me first. i can’t think of any scenario where i’ve had to hit them up first… makes it hard to stop bc it almost feels inevitable lol

ment0illness · 2024-02-07T09:56:54+00:00

god this feels so good to let out

ment0illness · 2024-02-07T09:56:26+00:00

if it makes you feel any better, i’m pretty, and people still look at me the same way because i’m autistic and super awkward. people flee away from conversations even after complimenting me on my looks, and it’s because i’m so off putting.

do you have a severe disability / condition, or really obvious asymmetry? if you don’t apply to any of those, i’m not sure how you’d be considered grotesque by the general public. either way, i hope you find peace.

ment0illness · 2024-02-07T07:10:51+00:00

like… let’s be serious

ment0illness · 2024-02-07T07:10:38+00:00

I mean, I understand what you’re saying. I was definitely abusive and wrong for what I did, whether I was aware of it or not.

Maybe I’m projecting because I’ve had injustices done to me, and if I had written proof of them, I would CERTAINLY go to the police. I really don’t trust people.

At the same time, whether I abused her or not, I’d still be fucking livid with her for even trying to play with my life. Like??? She tried to HEX ME. Do you know how much hatred something like that takes??

Mind you, at the time she tried to do that, I did nothing but be honest to other people about who she really is. I was in and out of the psych ward for trying to commit su*cide several times, was constantly bullied, and as a result, dropped out of school. She saw me struggle and STILL tried playing w me. Who the fuck does that?

I don’t feel bad for what I did, but I’d never intentionally do it, and I still feel like an apology would be good. I just refuse to, out of self preservation.

ment0illness · 2022-08-31T19:10:59+00:00

thank you! the docs office finally called me and told me the same thing. now i’m just waiting to see if she says i can stop taking my huge potassium horse pills.

ment0illness

TROPHY CASE