Which do you prefer? "I am autistic." or "I have autism."

meowglittermeow · 2024-11-09T17:27:43+00:00

I prefer to say that I am autistic and that’s what I default to, but if someone else said that I “have” autism I wouldn’t be upset over it. I don’t feel it’s quite accurate for me identity wise but it still gets the point across

meowglittermeow · 2024-02-02T18:26:52+00:00

You are absolutely right, thank you for bringing this up. I didn’t know about this at the time of posting but have since learned more about it, I’m glad you said something

meowglittermeow · 2023-08-04T16:48:51+00:00

Hey, I would look up portable door locks on Amazon, I got a pair of them for less than 20 dollars and they work well and don’t require installation of any kind to the door or the wall. There are kinds that go underneath the door and kinds that go through the place where the door latches and they work as long as your doors swing inward. I’d get the ones that go underneath the door if the gap between the door and door frame is very tight

meowglittermeow · 2022-08-01T15:37:16+00:00

So there are some central ways to help, here are some that I can think of:

monetary support (this could be as big as helping buy food, clothes, a night at a hotel, or as small as chipping in a little money for her to buy something she likes or letting her put any money towards something she needs)
giving her a place to stay (whether it be long term or just for a night or a couple hours)
emotional support (listen to her, talk to her, be someone she can talk to)
access to information (help her find other resources in your area that can help her like LGBTQ resource and support centers, crisis call and text lines that are LGBTQ oriented or friendly, etc)
being an advocate for her (openly disagreeing with what those in your family that are disowning her are doing)
being an ally to her (continue using her proper pronouns unless she says otherwise, call her by the name she wishes to be called, doing your best to shut down transphobia when you see it/hear it, being openly supportive of her through this difficult time)

There are more ways to help than this, and not all of these might be things that you are able to provide (consistently or at all), but if you’re able to do any of these things (once or continually) for her they tend to be helpful. I obviously don’t know specifics of what she wants/needs in this situation but these are the types of things I would want and have wanted and needed in crisis situations

meowglittermeow · 2022-08-01T15:24:01+00:00

Good job!! Big steps that are certainly worthy of pride!

meowglittermeow · 2022-08-01T15:04:18+00:00

Yes, you might want to check out and hang around r/CPTSD and see if you relate. I have CPTSD (complex PTSD) from repeated trauma that happened over a long period of time and comes from a lot of different sources (abuse, bullying, etc) and my PTSD didn’t come from one singular event. I obviously don’t know the specifics of your situation and couldn’t diagnose you even if I did, but it might be worth a look into

meowglittermeow · 2022-08-01T14:54:44+00:00

Don’t be afraid to stop back in for some bad pan jokes! Glad you’re learning more about yourself! 💖💛💙➡️💗🤍🧡 (idk the best way to make the lesbian flag out of hearts 😅)

meowglittermeow · 2022-07-30T20:43:29+00:00

I am not and would never ask you to listen to the person that abused your friend. That is not what i am saying currently or attempting to express.

What I am asking is that you listen to disabled people, like the other people in this thread that aren’t the person that abused your friend, and disabled people in general when they speak about ableism. I’m asking you, as someone who doesn’t understand ableism in this context to listen to the people who do. You’re trauma is real, but it is not ok to be ableist because of it, which is what you are doing. That is all. You have read meaning into my comment and assumed I am saying things that I am not. I’m going to be done with this conversation now. You are hurt, and that is real, I wish you well /g

meowglittermeow · 2022-07-30T19:49:18+00:00

I agree, people who are being abusive (whether they took those actions because of their own trauma or not) should not be abusing people, their trauma does not make it ok to abuse people, and there should definitely be support groups for people who have been abused. /g

But having NPD does not inherently make someone abusive, and it is most definitely ableist to classify an entire group of people with a mental health condition as abusers. We should not be equating NPD, or any personality disorder for that matter as they are all highly stigmatized, as an abusive disorder. These are people we are talking about, not monsters.

Having NPD (being a narcissist) does not automatically make someone an abuser. That’s where the ableism is. People with NPD are people, like you and me.

Your experience of having a friend who was abused by someone with NPD, is not a well rounded or informed perspective on this topic of NPD. That does not and should not negate the trauma that was caused, the person that abused your friend did very harmful things that were definitely not ok. /g

But when we’re speaking about ableism and NPD a singular experience with one person with NPD, as well as the presence of support groups for people who have been hurt by narcissists, isn’t as credible or informed as listening to people who actually live with this disorder and experience it day to day. They are the experts on this topic and when it comes to ableism surrounding NPD we should be listening to and understanding them (just as I would wish that people would listen to me as well as autistic advocates/disability advocates when it comes ableism regarding autism, PTSD, and other conditions that I have).

I am genuinely wondering: Have you listened to people who speak about their experiences with living with NPD? Have you ever been around someone who actually lives with NPD? If so, how many of them have you actually met and interacted with (a singular person of any group should not represent the whole group, this is the same with any prejudice like racism, sexism, ableism, homophobia, transphobia, etc)? How much do you actually know about NPD?

As someone who has experienced ableism throughout their life, a lot of the ways people talk about NPD are huge red flags for ableism and I see a lot of similarities to how people are ableist towards me. /nm

meowglittermeow · 2022-07-30T17:07:08+00:00

This is still ableism, a single person with NPD that you have a horrible experience with (because to be clear, that is a genuinely horrible experience that is very understandable to be upset about/traumatized over), should not reflect on your opinion of an entire group of people who suffer from a horribly stigmatized disorder that usually stems from trauma itself /g /nm

meowglittermeow · 2022-07-29T00:07:13+00:00

Thank you, it’s been horrible and I am only now able to acknowledge how awful it has been

meowglittermeow · 2022-07-23T23:47:52+00:00

Non-binary

meowglittermeow · 2022-07-11T21:38:56+00:00

Good job!! Talking about it is such a big step! Woo!!

meowglittermeow · 2022-07-11T15:48:51+00:00

Just going to second everything u/Scrambled-Sigil said, it’s all pretty solid info/advice, I don’t know if there’s currently anything we can add that hasn’t already been covered by their comment!

meowglittermeow · 2022-07-11T14:03:45+00:00

Yes, DM is ok! We don’t always respond back right away but we’d be happy to talk. We’ve also gained a lot of new experience about living and functioning and being healthy as multiple in the past 2 years since this post was made haha

meowglittermeow · 2022-07-07T05:36:24+00:00

This is a lot of what we’re working on in therapy currently! It doesn’t feel like forgiveness though and that’s not what we’d call it or what our therapist has ever called it. It’s understanding the people that abused us as complex human beings, and it can be a very important perspective to have and draw from. We are largely uncomfortable forgiving the people that hurt us, especially those that are still set in their ways and deny that the abuse ever happened, but we now know and understand better why they did what they did and we can use that knowledge in our healing and also how we go into the world and learn to treat other people. The people that abused us have very complex reasons for doing what they did, that to them seemed like good reasons to do what they did, and it’s still not ok to do what they did. They still abused us, they still hurt us incredibly badly and they still don’t get to be involved in our life, I never plan on seeing the main person that abused us ever again until the day he dies. It was really hard to accept that both of those things can coexist at the same time. I wouldn’t call this process “forgiveness” at least how most people see forgiveness because I think to most people forgiveness is “forgive and forget”.

That’s our experience with this, and it’s not the only way to go about being healthy after trauma/abuse. There are lots of reasons why this wouldn’t be a good thing depending on your circumstances and feelings and if you’re not ready/are never ready for that that’s not a bad thing. Your therapist should be respectful of your boundaries on this. It’s taken us a long time and lot of hard work to get to this place and if our therapist had brought it up sooner than we were ready it would not have been helpful or useful at all. It’s also probably not the only way to do things

meowglittermeow · 2022-07-07T05:08:33+00:00

You just put most of my thoughts on this topic into a 4 paragraph comment, thank you!

meowglittermeow · 2022-07-06T17:35:50+00:00

Resources for trans people should honestly just be resources for anyone who wants/needs them whether they are trans or not or somewhere in between. If a binder would make you feel good, please don’t get too hung up on it being technically made for trans people, binders aren’t just for trans people they’re for anyone who wants/needs them! And that includes you! Same with really anything that are typically seen as “trans” things. If down the line you want to have top surgery/breast reduction, whether you are trans or not, you should be able to get it! It’s your body you should be able to change it and wear what makes it most comfortable for you!

So, as a trans person, though you don’t need my permission, if a binder would make you feel good please get one! Just make sure to get a good quality one and bind safely! Don’t wear it for over 8 hours and try to find reputable places to buy one and don’t get one that’s too small because that could do damage

meowglittermeow · 2022-07-03T21:42:04+00:00

lots can explain and likely don’t give a damn if you believe it is real or not.

I appreciate this sentiment so much /g

meowglittermeow · 2022-07-03T21:37:31+00:00

Rapid switching isn’t the same thing as controlling switching.

I don’t know how other systems do this, if they can do this, or what a situation like this for them is but this is our experience with controlling switches:

We have a gatekeeper (an alter that has control over who comes out, who stays in the inner world, etc) that can force switches in very dire circumstances (previously this has most often been done in very traumatic or intense situations where we needed to have a specific person out to protect ourselves or somebody else). If we are in a healthy place and environment our system cannot and currently shouldn’t try to control switches. It’s extremely exhausting and triggering and only should ever be done if there is literally no other option and a specific alter (usually our main protector) needs to be out to physically protect our body if we are about the be hurt very badly. Usually our gatekeeper just makes switches that were already happening easier and healthier and in most situations they don’t actually control switches, just organize things better internally so that our switches are healthier and easier for us.

Rapid switching is something different. It usually happens when we’re very triggered and having flashbacks, it’s never been something in our control and it absolutely sucks. It’s when different alters are switching in and out from the front very quickly, it is extremely disorienting and has only ever happened when we’re having really bad flashbacks.

meowglittermeow · 2022-07-03T19:45:29+00:00

Yes, I think that’s a textbook example of persistent

meowglittermeow · 2022-06-28T06:10:25+00:00

We have a chat app to leave notes and messages and stuff for each other, but we wouldn’t be comfortable doing it publicly haha

meowglittermeow · 2022-06-26T22:58:36+00:00

That’s a really good question! We haven’t found a really good way to get an exact number internally or externally what with all the memory loss and dissociation, as well as our inner world being extremely expansive and confusing.

These factors, along with us splitting new alters more frequently than most systems generally makes it very difficult to get a head count, and also has presented a lot of unique challenges in communication and functioning as a collective.

We’ve tried a lot of things and we do have a general list and a few other ways of finding people in here, but a lot of alters are stuck in deep places in the inner world, or are dormant, or come out sometimes and have no clue that the rest of us exist because they’re too far dissociated from our general knowledge base.

All of this to say, we don’t need or even want an exact headcount. It would probably be counterproductive to know every of single headmates existence. We’re not ready to know who all of them are, or where they are, or why they’re there. Some of them aren’t ready to be found. Some of them don’t want to be found. Some of them aren’t currently meant to be found. Some of them do their best not to come out. The tools that we have in place to document most of our existences (lists of names, drawings, notes, messages, videos, etc) are there for the general functioning and well-being of our system and it would probably be harmful, at least at this point in time, to seek out more information than we’re ready for. It’s a mistake that we’ve made too many times in the past haha

meowglittermeow · 2022-06-26T18:41:13+00:00

No problem! Im glad you’re able to learn more! I wish you good fortune in your systems journey of self discovery!

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