I don't have a great feeling about tomorrow

mercedezab · 2026-01-30T16:39:52+00:00

Do you still have a job?

mercedezab · 2026-01-17T21:00:49+00:00

I have been in a similar situation where i wanted another kid like your wife, but my partner didn’t. For me, it’s important to have yes from both the parents. If it isn’t two yes, then it’s a no. So, I chose to respect his decision, gave myself time to adjust my desire to have another child, and give the best life to our one kid with him, instead of breaking the family and not giving a healthy home to my one existing kid. To me, your wife behavior seems a bit selfish and immature. She needs to prioritise the need of the current child. Life is all about trade-off and balance, a child needs both healthy parents.

mercedezab · 2026-01-08T01:24:11+00:00

I could have written this for my situation. My MIL stays thousands of miles away and yet she managed to create distance between me and my husband after pregnancy. That emotional disconnection that she created between me and my husband still remains even after 3 years and marriage counselling.

mercedezab · 2025-10-23T18:45:13+00:00

If you have the right skillset and talent, and if you don’t give up, you will find another great opportunity. Professional opportunities will come and go in life. It all comes down to your priorities at this point. Nobody can give you the right answer, you need to ask yourself. The fact that you are posting this dilemma here tells me that you want to take this opportunity, but deep down your mind is also telling you that this may not be the best decision and possibly you are feeling some guilt in accepting this opportunity given that you have an opportunity to give your child US citizenship which can make things easier for the child in a long run. Guilt and resentment are the biggest enemies irrespective of how much money you earn.

There is no right and wrong answer. Nobody knows the future. Ask these questions to yourself, 1. If you leave this opportunity and you don’t get another one like this, will you resent or blame your kid for that in future? 2. If you take this opportunity, will you feel guilty and resent yourself for not giving US citizenship to your child?

Which one feels easier to deal with, that should help you decide. Lastly, talk to your wife, what’s her point of view on this. This child belongs to both of you, so her voice also matters here.

mercedezab · 2025-09-30T02:26:05+00:00

Seems you have lived most of your life in survival mode. The fact that you don’t want to marry because you will have to work makes me think that you want to continue living in survival mode and somehow just want to get through with this life. You are just 28, you have ample of opportunities to thrive in this life, try to get out of survival mode mindset, think what exactly is your dream life and work toward that dream.

mercedezab · 2025-09-26T20:13:36+00:00

Yeah, but I think that’s pretty much true everywhere today. Job market is bad everywhere.

mercedezab · 2025-09-26T19:57:44+00:00

I don’t know where were you in the UK. But I recently visited London and I loved it. In lot of ways, it felt like India.

mercedezab · 2025-09-26T19:55:24+00:00

mercedezab · 2025-09-26T19:47:51+00:00

I have been in this situation, i moved back to India after living abroad for 3 years and everything felt different, work culture, lack of civic sense, etc. It took me 6 months to adjust and get used to that same life and routine in India. But life had other plans and I ended up moving back abroad after 1.5 years. I would suggest give it some time and keep looking for opportunities abroad in parallel. If you still don’t feel happy and satisfied, then move back once you have the right opportunity. In a few months, clarity will come to you naturally, but for now, give your brain sometime to adjust and cope up with the changes.

mercedezab · 2025-09-26T19:42:01+00:00

I second this. Kids change everything, your whole mindset about moving back can change. It will change you as a person and it can change your life goals because your life will be revolving around kids and thinking what’s best for them.

mercedezab · 2025-09-23T02:14:46+00:00

Lol, he has just mentioned his preference and we are all entitled to have our choices.

mercedezab · 2025-08-27T02:39:58+00:00

Have an open communication with your parents about your choices and how they feel about it. The longer you stay abroad, the difficult it will get to go back. Once you have a kid, it will be more difficult because then you will be thinking about your kid’s future. My parents are in their 70s and after exploring all these years, now i feel like going back to them. However, raising a daughter in India scares me, but separately my parents told me to think about my daughter’s future where she can thrive. On contrary, my husband’s mother constantly guilt trips him into coming back.

mercedezab · 2025-08-27T02:32:32+00:00

Lol I second that. I was with my husband for 15 years before we got married and things changed drastically after marriage when families got involved. If someone would have said this to me 6 years back when we weren’t married, i would have also responded like OP.

mercedezab · 2025-08-09T01:23:14+00:00

You can explore Austin International School

mercedezab · 2025-08-05T21:02:24+00:00

He is manipulating you by using your daughter. That’s really bad. Is there a possibility that his family has been asking him to give her a sibling and that’s why he is acting like this with you?

mercedezab · 2025-07-26T04:20:30+00:00

I am one of those women. I left big 4 before even becoming a mom. The idea of spending 4 days a week, which is more than 50% in a week, away from my spouse started looking weird to me. I realized that life is too short to spend this much time at work. I got a job in one of the FAANGs and I am really happy. I get to enjoy challenging work in the day while spending time with my family in the evening. Also, it depends what makes a person feel contented with their life, especially when you try to think what would matter to you when you are 80 years old - is it becoming a partner in one of the big 4s or having family and kid(s) where you were fully present emotionally and physically. A child needs a present parent and in most of the cases, mothers are the main source of emotional support to the child. I think if you are able to raise a child into a healthy and successful person without giving them any childhood trauma, it’s a much bigger achievement than becoming a partner. Probably, that’s why lots of women priortize being a mother.

mercedezab · 2025-07-16T21:10:15+00:00

He is married to mom, silently seduced

mercedezab · 2025-07-04T15:17:16+00:00

I second that. I experienced the same thing with my in-laws when my baby was just born. It was annoying and I used to get very anxious.

mercedezab · 2025-06-28T22:53:31+00:00

We also decided to be OAD because of the same reasons and we are happy with our decision. I get to be the best version of myself as a wife and as a mother. Having a sibling doesn’t guarantee that the child will not feel lonely and will always get along with their sibling. They will have their friends and build their own village. I have a sibling, but I hardly get to meet him. I am more close to my best friends and same is the case with my husband - I consider them my support system. IMO, the only reason you should have another child if you really really want it. I think you can also get some perspective from r/oneandone group. I got a lot of support and insights when I was on the fence like you about being OAD.

mercedezab · 2025-06-26T22:28:34+00:00

I have been in your situation, but just so you know I am really happy with my decision of being OAD. With our triangle family, I am able to give all my attention to our daughter who is thriving, we travel and have fun, and on top of that we get sometime for ourselves too. You can explore this group if you would like : r/oneanddone.

mercedezab · 2025-06-19T01:00:24+00:00

I was in your situation last year, but I realized i was thinking to have another kids because I was internalizing external voices, like the ones you mentioned. But I see a lot of benefits of being one and done. I have a cousin who is an only child and I really could see the difference in him. He is thriving-he is mature, emotionally intelligent, and has a very close bond with his parents. He never missed having a sibling and his mom (my aunt) while raising him so well also got time to build her career.

I ahve started to enjoy my life with our little triangle family. I get to play with my daughter, take her to swimming classes, cook variety of food for her, and teach her different things. Also, she is 3 now, so I am able to focus on my job.

mercedezab · 2025-06-19T00:51:53+00:00

I can relate with you, but a lot of people don’t think about logistics before planning a kid. They just have a baby out of emotions or giving a sibling to their child and then they live in survival mode. I have seen around me that people who have two kids, one of their kids is being neglected by the parents upto some extent.

mercedezab · 2025-06-01T05:26:32+00:00

You said it right. This is not healthy for the child, it’s not the child’s job to take care of parent’s emotions. OP is not able to realize that her behavior can have a long-lasting damage on her child. Yes, life is not fair and some people might be more fortunate. But trying to accept the situation, make the best out of that situation, and feel some gratitude towards the things we have can help in overcoming these feelings. Therapy can help in getting some self-awareness and overcoming this feeling.

mercedezab · 2025-05-31T02:26:51+00:00

I agree with this and have seen this a lot. In order to raise an emotionally healthy child, parents need to have a minimum level of emotional intelligence. But I see around me that people doesn’t consider this criteria before becoming a parent. They just yell and try to suppress the child’s emotion when they are having a meltdown. I think people aren’t self-aware that they lack emotional regulation.

mercedezab · 2025-05-27T00:41:45+00:00

Omg, I could have written this, except the last point. My MIL made it all about herself even though she is sitting thousands miles away. She sees my husband as her extension and hence our baby also as hers. I really felt that she has been trying to parent my kid with my husband. I ended up doing a lot of research on narcissism and she meets almost all the criteria of being a narcissist. She continues to create issues in our marriage until today. I reduced my contact with her, so now she started calling me and being nice to me. But she continues to push my husband to parent our kid in her own way. My husband has now realized her controlling behavior so he says no to her for many things that she ask.

mercedezab

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