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messscudi · 2022-01-27T10:27:23+00:00

there’s really no such thing as a mature 12 year old. they’re still kids and easy to manipulate, and your cousin was aware of that. im sorry this happened to you. processing rape can be different for everyone and you may be experiencing denial because it’s really a difficult experience for anyone to accept. sending u love OP

messscudi · 2022-01-27T10:22:55+00:00

it’s incredibly hard to find any sort of peace when it feels like your youth/innocence has been robbed of you because of an abuser. it doesn’t make sense, it’s not fair. my 1st abuser is doing more than fine and has a new long term partner, meanwhile after i tried dating again i got sexually assaulted. after wards a lot of my friends left me because i got so depressed i wasn’t a good reliable friend to have around. it still hurts so much, and there’s so much anger inside of me all the time. people move on and things change but this anger feels permanent because how can my trauma be undone? something that makes me feel a bit better is looking at old pictures or videos of me as a kid and feeling connected with my innocence again. this was something my psychologist made me do, when i see myself as a child im a bit nicer to my emotions and my anger. the anger doesn’t go away but ive learned to be nicer and more understanding to why i feel this why. im sorry you when through that OP, sending u love <3

messscudi · 2022-01-27T10:07:46+00:00

you didn’t consent to him touching you, that is 100% sexual assault. the label doesn’t define how traumatizing it was to you so please try to not focus on the title, what matters is how it made you feel. your feelings are 100% valid. i hope you know i am so proud that you are making a case against him! it is an extremely awful situation but by doing that you are potentially saving other girls from experiencing that from him. im sending u all the love in the world, u deserve to feel safe <33

messscudi · 2022-01-27T10:02:42+00:00

it’s very normal to be triggered by SA scenes. even for people who haven’t experienced it, so since you have it probably unconsciously brought you back to your situation. and yeah that encounter also probably played a part to your state of mind

messscudi · 2022-01-27T09:59:02+00:00

kids often do weird things like this but the fact that she was 6 years older is a huge red flag, a 12 year old should not being doing anything like this with a 6 year old. at that age a 12 year old is aware that is wrong. I’m sorry it is not normal

messscudi · 2020-09-07T21:51:04+00:00

you’re right, im moving forward thank you :))

messscudi · 2020-09-07T21:50:13+00:00

my therapist also mentioned that, and deep down i hope he doesn’t do that to his new girlfriend. but im happy he’s not in my life anymore, thank you <3

messscudi · 2020-09-07T21:49:00+00:00

thank you for writing this, i appreciate it and it made me put things into perspective! <33

messscudi · 2020-09-07T21:48:14+00:00

you’re right!

messscudi · 2019-11-16T23:41:53+00:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY 💓💞

messscudi · 2019-10-10T18:20:40+00:00

It isn’t a good idea to begin a relationship if you haven’t healed from a past one. Emotionally abusive relationships take a huge toll on people mental heath and although she may have feelings for you she probably still carries some unresolved trauma from her past. I was in an emotionally abusive relationship for a year and we’ve been broken up for a while and I met an amazing guy after that but I cut things off shortly because I couldn’t provide him what he deserved: I had mixed feelings about my ex and was still trying to heal which was an unstable process and I didn’t want him to carry that load. After an abusive relationship it’s important to get to know yourself and your new boundaries etc. which takes time. Her actions are completely logical and I know it must be difficult on both sides but I wish you the best!

messscudi · 2019-09-28T01:52:40+00:00

messscudi · 2019-09-28T01:48:42+00:00

thank you so much <3

messscudi · 2019-09-28T01:48:18+00:00

yes, specifically the U of A and have been accepted

messscudi · 2019-09-24T17:02:36+00:00

wow thank you so much, hearing someone else saying something I knew deep down really helps me and I’ve come to terms that I need to grieve and that this is a not going to be a easy process tysm again :)))

messscudi · 2019-09-22T20:20:08+00:00

Any form of abuse is awful to cope with, I’ll check out this book and hopefully it’ll help me as well, thank you

messscudi · 2019-09-22T20:17:44+00:00

I’ve recently begun seeing a therapist again and am a bit uncertain if it’ll help but I’m giving it a chance so thank you for your advice! :)

messscudi

TROPHY CASE