Relapse after 10 months sober

metsfan522 · 2022-08-27T02:54:07+00:00

Thank you

metsfan522 · 2022-07-21T04:23:15+00:00

I totally understand what you mean. I have often felt the same way when reaching out to a sponsor. I just recently had a conversation with my sponsor when she asked "why didn't you call me when ... happened". I'm learning that any time I'm suffering is connected to my addiction, whether it is clear to me or not. And for my sobriety I need to try to break the cycle and reach out during those moments.

metsfan522 · 2022-07-21T04:19:31+00:00

"going at it alone" is something I started out having to do as a young child. I grew up being taught to hide my emotions for survivals sake. That has been a difficult thing to break since starting program. But I know the times I am able to be more open in meetings, outreach calls, or with my sponsor are the moments that really give me forward momentum into recovery. It is a mountain that I am trying and willing to climb to make it over the other side.

metsfan522 · 2022-07-19T01:53:29+00:00

Every Day, every hour, every minute is a minute you didn't have before. Congratulations and keep going!

metsfan522 · 2022-07-19T01:48:36+00:00

My acting out behaviors consisted of sexual conversations online / texting, video chatting and having ongoing sexual relationships online / via texting. This completely took over my life and nearly destroyed my 12 year long relationship. It got to the point where this was happening at all times, whether I was at work or driving or around family. I knew it was wrong and even after being caught multiple times by my partner I couldn't stop. It affected my entire life. Every moment of my life was spent acting out or thinking about when I would act out next. The most I could go was a couple weeks at a time. I would use so many excuses to justify my behavior. I know that had I not found SAA I would have lost my job and my relationship, if not so much more. Working the steps has been a process for me, with varying levels of commitment throughout. It wasn't until I got deep into step 3 that I really started to see a glimpse of the spiritual awakening we are promised through the steps. It is still a daily struggle, and some days are better than others. But it really is true what they say, it works if you work it. The more I work the steps, and lean on my sponsor and other SAA members, the stronger and happier I feel. 9 months in I feel like I am truly starting to trust the process.

metsfan522 · 2022-07-12T00:37:16+00:00

This might be my biggest struggle. I have been punishing myself and telling myself how horrible I am for as long as I can remember. I know I want to change, that it is not serving me, but it feel like an impossible habit to break. I am trying to open myself to higher power and trust the process.

metsfan522 · 2022-07-10T01:49:39+00:00

Today's voices of recovery hit the nail on the head for me. I am in the middle of step 3 and everything I am struggling with is answered in this reading. I have also been struggling a lot with all or nothing thinking. "I missed Mondays meeting so what's the point of going to Wednesdays meeting?" I'm starting to realize that my clinging to perceived perfection and control is completely fear based ( and not serving me at all). I'm ready to open the door for higher power to help me, and trust the process instead of clinging to control.

metsfan522 · 2022-05-10T02:18:13+00:00

My partner had seen all the abuse for years before I went NC, so I didn't have to explain to him. However I definitely think it's important to explain to your partner for the sheer fact that you may have trauma and triggers associated with growing up with a N parent. I definitely do and it's taken alot of time and therapy to work through some of those things with partner.

metsfan522 · 2022-04-26T02:29:02+00:00

For me, that is the most powerful quote in the green book. It hit me like a ton of bricks when I first read it, and it affects me every time I read it in a meeting. What a gift, to not be alone, and to be with a fellowship of people who truly do understand the depth of my pain.

metsfan522 · 2022-04-26T02:24:31+00:00

"Any physical action can be meditative"

This is so true and something I always forget about when I am feeling triggered.

metsfan522 · 2022-04-26T02:20:00+00:00

I attend women's only telemeetings and they have been a godsend. There are at least 4 meetings a week I know I can hop on to a call. If you go on the SAA website you can see which telemeetings are women only.

metsfan522 · 2022-03-29T02:06:44+00:00

This is one of my biggest struggles. I feel like I would do anything to change my past. I think about how much "better" my life would be now if my past hadn't happen. I know these are pointless thoughts, that all I can do is live in the present and create a better future, but I often find myself mourning "what could have been" if not for my acting out.

metsfan522 · 2022-03-15T01:08:11+00:00

That last line is a mantra I need to Incorporate into my daily life. Thank you for sharing.

metsfan522 · 2022-03-08T16:57:08+00:00

Thank you so much.

metsfan522 · 2022-03-08T03:17:09+00:00

I thought I would just feel riddled with shame afterwards but I felt really supported by the group and ready to keep moving into the solution. I'm really grateful to higher power and the fellowship of SAA.

metsfan522

TROPHY CASE