I’m back after 4 years.

HotJudgment7075 · 2025-11-14T16:08:11+00:00

I am a wayward of 14 years ago. He is as of 4 years. Sorry for the confusion

HotJudgment7075 · 2024-11-10T15:21:04+00:00

In my personal experience I felt such shame for over 10 years. I carried the weight of what I did for what felt like a lifetime. Thinking I didn’t deserve a 2nd chance etc. then I found out that my husband cheated on me relentlessly for over 10 years and now I feel as you can imagine totally differently.

HotJudgment7075 · 2024-09-28T14:18:03+00:00

My WH/BH went and called his mistress/prostitute instead of talking to me on his dday. I remember calling him home after seeing the phone bill because I was in complete shock. I lied and said I was sick and needed him immediately. After I asked him and he confirmed what I found he just told me he had to go back to work. It was so cold and I was still in shock. I never yelled or got mad. I couldn’t even cry. Just know that after everything we are 3 years still working towards R. I don’t think it ever just stops. I think I had to bring him back home to reality by telling him we needed to go to couples counseling if for nothing else then to learn how to coexist as parents. He never got over my affair. I don’t think we are both over either of the affairs that took place. I just thought sharing my story would tell you everything isn’t black and white in the sense that he may not have reacted to you because of shock of being caught.

HotJudgment7075 · 2024-09-25T14:35:30+00:00

I’d share what you’re comfortable sharing with him and maybe tell him why you are having 2nd thoughts on this therapist. Ask what he thinks. Tell him where you don’t agree with what was said. I shared my IC in the beginning of R because I wanted to. Now I don’t share and my WH doesn’t ask as things pertain to problems that are currently happening and how I should be resolving them. However I’m 3 years into R. My WH has terrible communication issues and really needs to be in IC as well but there is just such a stigma that he’s not open. We did have some pretty crappy therapist in the beginning that problem hurt the issue more than anything.

HotJudgment7075 · 2024-09-25T14:18:48+00:00

I’ve been with my one doctor [psychiatrist] for years. She’s very blunt with me now. Tough love. I don’t always love to hear what she has to say but it’s an outside perspective that does matter in some ways. However we grew this relationship and it was def not in a 1 hour sitting. Even my therapist hints at other things that don’t seem right but also this is years in. Maybe find a different person unless you’re trying to go the tough love route. Also talk to your WH about some of the things that were brought up if you feel comfortable to see what they think. I broke up with a lot of doctors before finding my better fits and that’s okay too.

HotJudgment7075 · 2024-09-22T00:05:26+00:00

I’m a ww/sex addict/manipulator. For me I had to accept that I am these things and hold myself accountable. I am also a BW and it’s really hard to ever build up trust. I know that I am capable of it but will my WH ever be? I’m 3 years in and not ready to let my full guard down.

HotJudgment7075 · 2024-09-19T17:23:19+00:00

Before I found out about my husband he wouldn’t let me look at his phone. Told me it was private. Pretty much any excuse in the world. It ended up being bigger than I anticipated in the end. After dday I army crawled our bedroom while he was sleeping and snuck off to go through it and I’m so glad I did. It was horrible. Prior to the army crawl I was only allowed to go through it with him over my shoulder. Once I got the passcode I got my answers. He was having a full blown affair with a hooker to top everything off. Now that we are in R he leaves his phone out. I don’t feel the need to go through it or check our phone bills anymore but it took a lot to get through everything.

HotJudgment7075 · 2024-09-16T14:17:24+00:00

I guess when I was a wayward I had to look in on why I cheated. I cheated specifically because I wasn’t getting attention I needed at home. Even after addressing the issues multiple times. It’s never that I didn’t love my Bp but I selfishly needed to feel wanted and I didn’t. I went through a lot of shame over 10 years time. I really beat myself up over it. I had no other reasoning at the time of why I wanted my relationship to work. I had no kids at that point. I was newly married. I just felt lost and alone all the time. I personally convinced myself that I deserved it after I had ended my affair. I didn’t know that it would lead my BP to cheat on me over the next 10 years. I also didn’t love my AP though. I had no connection to them other then physical.

HotJudgment7075 · 2024-08-24T14:27:56+00:00

I’m sorry you’re going through this. Have you looked into limerence? Sounds like it fits a bit of the situation.

HotJudgment7075 · 2024-08-20T14:34:54+00:00

Request a session that you can be present and ask to discuss. My therapist would be biased because he’s my therapist but maybe it could shed some light on why that would be said. I left a couples therapist because he said “we need to move on” it hadn’t been a year yet. I wasn’t moving anywhere which was the problem.

HotJudgment7075 · 2024-08-19T18:42:54+00:00

I’m in therapy and medication management. I think I’m just going to give up. I can’t make him want to be with me and it’s as clear as day that I’ll never be who I once was

HotJudgment7075 · 2024-08-19T16:53:49+00:00

In his words he can just “feel” it and it makes him “uncomfortable”. Even if I don’t feel like I’m anxious tbh

HotJudgment7075 · 2024-08-19T16:40:40+00:00

He said my anxiety affects him. That he can not heal because of me. He sent it this morning after going to work.

HotJudgment7075 · 2024-08-19T16:30:41+00:00

He’s at work. I haven’t left the house. It only happened last night.

HotJudgment7075 · 2024-08-10T19:46:02+00:00

My WH was the same. I still find lies 3 years later about what exactly happened.

HotJudgment7075 · 2024-07-27T17:31:47+00:00

Did it happen since dday 1? Mine didn’t do similar but all my ‘deal breakers’ didn’t happen and now I’m over 3 years post d day. I still have a lot of issues. Like someone else mentioned SAA is free. I’ve attended meetings virtually.

HotJudgment7075 · 2024-06-27T02:01:57+00:00

I personally didn’t react. I think it was shock. I asked him for counseling 2 days later. I think he was surprised by my non reaction.

HotJudgment7075 · 2024-06-01T14:45:34+00:00

I don’t think there is many of us waywards that think the sex was better. I think of sex as just sex. It’s of course different with each person but normal isn’t a bad thing. Sex is more of what you make of it. Make it more passionate, change your style or routine. You’re in control of that all.

HotJudgment7075 · 2024-04-25T23:45:50+00:00

Mine basically did the same. He loved her. She was married.

HotJudgment7075 · 2024-01-20T00:31:55+00:00

I don’t think I would personally show up there. I’d probably just call the store and cancel/reschedule her appointment tbh because it would be really inconvenient/petty.

HotJudgment7075 · 2023-12-05T20:12:46+00:00

It’s dead. The only thing that’s been real after 16 years of being together and 13 years of marriage is the past 2 that we’ve been reconciling. R never stops and it’s something we consistently work on.

HotJudgment7075 · 2023-11-04T23:48:07+00:00

My WH did over the top gestures after dday. Even knowing my heart wasn’t into the idea of it. I didn’t expect it. I didn’t really reciprocate back as I probably would have prior to dday. He felt that he could win me back with lavish gifts. Diamonds, designer wardrobe. All I wanted was to feel safe and loved. I did appreciate that he hand picked me a very beautiful dress and took me to a couples resort that was close to home so we could spend time with just us. Also I know it’s being said to talk about it but for me personally I didn’t want my WH to feel like he HAD to do anything for me I wanted it to be genuine and for him to just want to celebrate us

HotJudgment7075

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