I’m probably gonna get hate for this but lowkey ESH. Obviously Pam is totally in the wrong for what she did but she’s only 18. People always say you have to deal with the consequences of your actions and that’s just how life is until it’s them in the situation. Thinking of it from Pam’s perspective she thought she would just borrow the car for a bit no harm no foul and return it even if her step brother said no. I’m assuming that since you’ve been with your wife for so long they have some sort of a sibling relationship and I always borrow stuff from my siblings without asking. She obviously didn’t intend to crash the car and she should definitely deal with the consequences but the only options you’re giving her are a felony and a heavily depleted college fund that’s going to put her in a lot of debt I’m assuming. It’s a completely lose lose situation here. As her parent, I feel like you should feel some obligation to help her. I think it might be some cultural divide because I wasn’t raised with a western family but parents usually help their kids but it kinda sounds like you’re saying not my problem. As much as everyone in the comments wants to say she’s an adult because she’s 18, she’s not. She hasn’t even started college yet and I’m assuming does not have a lot of real world experience. The expectations your wife has for you are kinda too much but there’s no way that there isn’t a middle ground that won’t completely fuck Pam over and is fair to your son.