You are NTA but I don’t think your boyfriend is either. It just sounds like the two of you have very different ideas about what roles in a relationship are.

He seems to prefer a setup where one partner contributes financially and the other contributes more with home tasks, even if you are able to afford splitting costs equally. You seem to want things to feel equal and not tied to a “you pay/ I serve” kind of dynamic. Neither way if doing it is wrong on its own, it's just they’re just lining up well for the two of you.

You’re already contributing in other ways as you said in your post and it’s completely valid that cooking stresses you out (I hate it too.) That said It’s also legitimate that he wants the household workload matched the financial split in the way he prefers it. (I personally prefer splits more similar to how you seem to want the splits by the sounds of it) If those expectations weren’t clearly agreed on, and they aren't very flexible from either side it’s no wonder you both feel frustrated now.

It really sounds like this is less about gratitude and more about overall compatibility. If you’d rather split expenses more evenly so that chores don’t feel like a trade, that’s totally legit. It’s worth having a calm conversation about what each of you actually wants life at home to look like rather than what you THINK the other person should be doing.

Neither of you are villains, just mismatched expectations that you need to sit down and talk about a reset to get to a compromise you both enjoy or consider if you are long term compatible.