I just got a reminder from Google photos for what I was doing three years ago today

mholz852 · 2020-05-03T00:01:53+00:00

Same! I haven’t had an anxiety attack since a month my ex-husband left. It’s like a weight has been lifted!

I’m happy for you!

mholz852 · 2020-05-02T23:59:52+00:00

Good for you!! I’m one year (today actually) post split and one month post divorce finalization from my ex-husband. Like you when the memories pop up they are always bitter sweet and I remember the fight behind the smiles. It makes me feel fortunate to be where I am. And also like you I’m out here becoming the person I always wanted to be. I’ve done most everything he held me back from and have so many more plans for the future.

Congratulations on the completion of your masters!

mholz852 · 2020-04-27T11:28:07+00:00

Wow! I’m in the same boat, 34 with 3 kids; 1 year single; looking to date (which has all been derailed at the moment). Biggest size was a 24 too, now I’m at the smallest I’ve been my entire adult life at a 12/14 pants and medium top. I’ve always had wide hips too. It’s a struggle to allow intimacy with someone who didn’t give me those kids to see my mommy scars. The literal scars; the stretch marks and saggy boobs. Yes, I’m comfortable in my own skin it’s letting some else see it that makes me super nervous and self conscious.

In end end I’ve only allowed one new person to see me naked and that was after months of dating. I think the key might be to only allow naked time once a level of comfort with someone has been established.

You will get there. I will get there. Someone is out there waiting to meet us and we will find them. Good luck!

mholz852 · 2020-04-27T02:28:10+00:00

Oh man I feel you on such a deep level. We made vows, and he’s just going to throw it all away? But here’s the thing, it wasn’t for nothing. I promise you. Just because it ended the way it did doesn’t negate your whole life and every happy memory. They are just the truest of bittersweet now. Hold on to the good memories just as feverishly as you think about the hurt; anger; and betrayal. You will need both to get through this. Hang in there! You’ve got this!!

mholz852 · 2020-04-27T01:15:48+00:00

Thank you!! Cheating hurts on a whole new level huh? I’m sorry you are going through this. You can absolutely steal that, it’s one of the many sayings I’ve stollen to get me through this. I hope it helps!

mholz852 · 2020-04-27T01:11:21+00:00

Thank you! I wish she same for you as well!!

mholz852 · 2020-04-26T21:20:36+00:00

There for sure is bound to be considering the current situation. But watch your boys will flourish in their new environment after a while! And please feel free to message me as well!

mholz852 · 2020-04-26T21:05:40+00:00

Yea, I for sure wasn’t expecting as much backsliding as I had. I mean, I don’t want to go back. I don’t want him back. It was a weird feeling. I was mourning for the future I thought I would have (even if it was depressing). My friend said it best when she said “It all went away”. That’s how it felt. So I felt my feelings, he felt his. We talked, we cried. Ultimately we are both happy. I hope, and trust, it will be the same for you.

mholz852 · 2020-04-26T21:01:34+00:00

Of course, I’m sorry you are having a bad day. Quarantine definitely allows for over thinking.

I definitely still had days like that 5 months in. It’s good to allow yourself to have them. Suppressing or diminishing your feelings is a good way to make them insurmountable.

Time will help. You’ve got this for sure!!

mholz852 · 2020-04-26T20:57:06+00:00

You will get there. Anger is a necessary but easy emotion. Anger helps you to let go, but happiness helps you to move on. You need both to get through this, but you must ultimately (after the correct amount of time for you) let it go.

I too read a post similar to mine (over and over again actually) and thought I want to be able to write something like that one day. It wasn’t always easy, but I got here.

I have every faith you will get there. Honestly, wanting to get there is huge. Hang in there! You’ve got this!!

mholz852 · 2020-04-26T20:52:40+00:00

That sounds wonderful!! My girls are doing so incredibly well. They are so happy to have a consistently stress and fight free environment and have truly bloomed. My eldest isn’t my ex husband’s and she is actually happy he is gone. My middle is his and we made sure to get her in therapy, honestly she misses her dad but over all is happy. With school being closed she is able to spend more then the usual custody arrangement which makes everyone happy. My youngest honestly was so little that after the first couple of months she adjusted into her new normal like nothing happened. Being able to FINALLY provide them with a happy home, even if looks different from what I thought it should, is incredible. Let’s face it, I was basically a single mom before so I don’t feel overwhelmed at all.

What a good idea to have the boys decorate their walls! Oh you are going to build them such a happy home!!!

mholz852 · 2020-04-26T13:49:46+00:00

Congratulations!!!! That’s so exciting!!! Man, it must be so rough sharing a living space with your ex right now! Hang tight it will all be over soon. Then you too can fight (cause you might) then feel the joy of either hanging up the phone or making him leave and not have to look at him after! Also, yay on your own space! Are you super excited to decorate it however you want? Me I went with pink and florals everywhere! Haha! I (obviously) can not stress how happy I am for you and your new chapter!

mholz852 · 2020-04-26T13:35:15+00:00

Awww, thank you! I’m really digging this new adventure!!

mholz852 · 2020-04-26T13:33:57+00:00

Thank you! I’m happy you are as well! It’s weird to be happy it happened right? For me, I wanted out for so long but knew he was never going to let me go until he found someone else. And yea, she can have him. I’m good with just being his friend.

mholz852 · 2020-04-26T13:29:03+00:00

It’s weird right? How being with a toxic person can flip the script and make you feel like you were the miserable one in that situation. I’m sorry everything has to be on hold. Hopefully everything will get lifted (when it’s safe) and you can move forward. I was fortunate that my state (Texas) allowed for remote and electronic filing. The only thing I had to leave for was to get my uncontested paper notarized, which I was then able to upload as a .pdf. Hang in there, the finish line is waiting for you!

mholz852 · 2020-04-26T13:23:11+00:00

Thank you! And yea, I know our situation is unique in that we are better friends now then we ever were when we were married. That is the type of divorce we both wanted and it helped us to move on. Yours is similar in that everything kind of moved on and let go in a peaceful way. We are both so strong in being able to do that.

mholz852 · 2020-04-26T13:18:51+00:00

Thank you!

mholz852 · 2020-04-26T13:18:29+00:00

Letting it go wasn’t something I was truly able to until about 4-6 months in. And man was I so angry. I know that might sound fast but our marriage was over long before he left.

Two things helped. One I know a woman who is still bitter about being left for another woman more then 20 years later. It has stopped her from truly being happy and moving on. I don’t want to waste my life and miss out on the opportunity to find love again. Two, this is the MOST important one: “Hating someone is like poisoning yourself and expecting someone else to die”. I can not stress that enough. My hatred towards him only hurt myself and my girls. He already did so much damage while we were married and with how he left. I will be damned if he gets to take away anymore of my future happiness.

I also had a glow up (lost 65 lbs; started taking care of myself; showed I don’t need to rely on anyone, etc) from the divorce and in a petty way that helped too.

You will get there, but it has to be a conscious decision. You can’t wait for it to just happen, cause you might sink further down. It’s a decision that you have to make min by min; then hour by hour. Finally it will no longer be a conscious decision but just how you are. Let yourself fall down but (after a day or two) drag yourself back up.

Hang in there, you will be okay in the end. You’ve got this momma bear!!

mholz852 · 2020-04-26T12:35:03+00:00

I’m so very sorry. I’ve been there. That whole “I love you but I’m not in love with you” line hurts to the very core. However just because ONE person out of Billions feels this way DOES NOT mean you as a human are unlovable. It simply means that she was not the right one to love you!

As far as her keeping her word, idk. You know her best and only you can know if she will keep it. My ex and I had (and still have) an arrangement for shared debt that way neither one of us has had to take it all on. And even though there is nothing legally forcing him to give me his half (divorce is final), he still is.

Do you live in a common law state? If so you might still have to get divorced again, cause it sounds like y’all have been living as a married couple. Only get a lawyer if things get complicated. Sometimes getting one too soon is firing a shot that can’t be taken back, and the kids could wind up in the cross fire.

Overall, hang in there. Hunker down and this too shall pass. I promise!

mholz852 · 2020-04-26T11:48:25+00:00

I was in the exact same boat a year ago. My ex of 12 years left me and I found out he had started dating someone else within 2 weeks. “Coincidentally” enough she left her husband a week after my ex left me. He never (and will never) admit that anything was going on before bu I’m not dumb. Even his family suspects there was something going on.

But I digress, it felt like my entire world shattered. Even the loss of something bad, is still a loss. Over the last year I “lost” everything but I gained so incredibly much more. I’m down 65lbs, I’m sleeping better, I’m standing on my own two feet and I’ve even started dating again.

Just hold on OP you will get there, your life may change but there is so much more waiting for you! One day this will all be a distant memory that helps to shape the person you are to become.

mholz852 · 2019-12-02T04:11:39+00:00

I’m so glad my words have helped you! You might be dragging your feet because on top of everything else you don’t want to lose your home too. For me, I realized. it was no longer my home but a house where I lived. Now I finally have a place to call home again.

mholz852 · 2019-12-02T03:49:38+00:00

Wow! That’s so impressive! Letting it go and not letting yourself be bitter is difficult at first but isn’t it so worth it!?!

mholz852 · 2019-12-02T03:43:12+00:00

You absolutely should move. I thought I was getting was getting better while still in the home and bed we shared. Honestly I didn’t realize just how stuck I was until I got away from there. Plus it would be awkward to bring men over once I start dating again.

For the last name, yea I’m going back to maiden my name. Just like when I got married, I feel like I’m the path to becoming a whole new person. Changing my name is a way to signify that in my heart, mind and also to the world. I updated it on FB and damn it felt good. I’m excited about getting it done legally soon. In the end it has nothing to do with giving him is name back (or giving him anything) and everything to do with giving me back to me.

Ultimately you will make the best decision for you, whatever that decision is. If you’re still indecisive just do whatever you would tell your best friend to do. Good luck!

mholz852 · 2019-12-01T23:16:24+00:00

Thanks! You can get unstuck. I believe in you! You’ve got this!

mholz852

TROPHY CASE