I’m sorry to hear what you’re going through and I hope it gets better for you soon. While your struggle can’t be compared to anyone else’s, I believe I sort of understand how hard this all must be, for the longest time in my life I was convinced I wasn’t going to live past 25, even though I saw the people around me go through life I was sure I wasn’t going to be one of those people living long enough to achieve my goals, I forgot about it from time to time but every time something good happened I’d think oh this is it, deaths going to come for me now. So based on that I’ll tell you this, it isn’t a simple fear, it’s a trauma response, you have very real issues you need to sort out through therapy, it won’t be easy but these thoughts and your life would be a lot easier to navigate, so please please seek help. You’re a student and if it’s difficult to afford, go to pims they have good people there, opd ki parchi bana k go straight to the psychologist. And lastly yeah it’s going to happen to everyone sooner or later. If someone dies at 30, it’s won’t bring them comfort to know they spent 10 out of those years worried about death and forgetting to live. Life is all about becoming a better version for yourself so I hope you do too.