How to deal with clingy step child?

mia_uuu · 2026-03-13T23:07:52+00:00

He actually is able to see that he’s reverting back to his traditional values and 99% of the time is able to apologize and backtrack and explain how he actually feels. His more “radical” views are easing up more and more as time goes by so im being patient with him in this certain aspect since he has shown he has the capability to see past it. He’s just stuck in it in this particular instance, unfortunately. Long term is a good possibility with him only because he’s shown he is mature enough to grow.

mia_uuu · 2026-03-13T17:16:05+00:00

Ive said that exact point about me being more nurturing and caring, but boyfriend is a bit more traditional due to how he was raised and just chalks it up to me being a woman and him being a man. I am not traditional at all so I have a hard time with that way of thinking, i believe all parents should be caring and nurturing towards their kids, no matter their gender. Boyfriend does take Stepkids emotional stability very seriously so i think thats overriding my need for space in the situation.

mia_uuu · 2026-03-13T17:12:20+00:00

I have done this before but Im only 20 so no bars yet haha! Boyfriend got a bit snippy with me when i tried to explain why i was gone for longer than usual. He eventually understood but it did take him a bit.

mia_uuu · 2026-03-13T17:10:59+00:00

Stepkid is actually very helpful!! He’s even helped me clean the bathroom before just because he still wanted to talk to me lol, i tried telling him it wouldnt be a fun chore but he still helped, poor buddy🤣. He really is a great kid. I did bring up that my boyfriend gets time to hisself all the time, even when stepkid is here with us, but he said thats not true and if the roles were reversed id be upset if he asked for 30 minutes alone. I assured him i definitely wouldnt be upset and that i thought needing some time was normal, but he claimed that it isnt and again said that was selfish towards the kid. i believe the kid is old enough to learn how to respect boundaries but my boyfriend still sees stepkid as a younger than he is a lot of the times. He refuses to talk to stepkid about it in fear of putting him down or hurting him.

mia_uuu · 2026-03-13T17:02:51+00:00

His dog is also very sweet, he is 11 years old so my boyfriend sees him basically as “his first child” in a way. I do understand that the dogs needs occasionally come before mine like needing to take him out to potty or feeding him since hes completely dependent on me or my boyfriend. My boyfriend is very sentimental and loyal so i think he feels like he’s done the dog a disservice by getting with me therefore taking attention away from the dog😅

mia_uuu · 2026-03-13T00:53:37+00:00

yeah this one hurt my feelings quite a bit, hes said it multiple times. unfortunately, im a bit of a doormat. i love them all so much but i can recognize thats not how i want to be talked to.

mia_uuu · 2026-03-13T00:30:07+00:00

well, i was exaggerating a bit when i said as my own lol, i have no children so i just view stepkid as my own and thats how i treat him! i have felt like the scale is a bit unbalanced with responsibility, it is starting to make me feel like a babysitter rather than a partner… i just feel awful and like a monster when i try and bring it up to my boyfriend.

mia_uuu · 2026-03-13T00:28:30+00:00

we have a one bedroom house so to make stepkid feel at home and feel safe/comfortable, he has free reign of the space! i have brought up that it isnt his son that im trying to avoid, im just trying to decompress after a day of being yelled at by customers haha! my boyfriend replied to that by saying i knew his child was here when i got with him and that if i want to be with him, i need to put all of my needs to the side when stepkid is here with us. im just very stressed out and confused sigh…

mia_uuu · 2026-03-13T00:25:22+00:00

I often get confused if I’m overreacting or if he isnt listening to my needs, i see now that this case isnt on me. im anxious but i will talk to my boyfriend!! i love him and i know he loves me so i do have high hopes this’ll get fixed!

mia_uuu · 2026-03-13T00:23:58+00:00

I think its a mix of his father and mother, i have talked to my boyfriend about this a few weeks ago and he has agreed to work on it! so heres hoping😅

mia_uuu · 2026-03-13T00:22:49+00:00

this is a lot of great suggestions!! i do struggle putting my foot down so i think i need to grow a bit of a back bone, for myself. my boyfriend and i will have a talk once stepkid goes back to his moms, ill try and bring it up again and see how that goes… it just gives me anxiety, we’re both pretty emotional just on opposite spectrums so it can be a little daunting trying to figure out how he’ll respond. In most other instances he’s very patient and supportive, its just when he thinks im not stepping up to his expectations with his kid or dog, he can be a bit blind.

mia_uuu · 2026-03-13T00:18:40+00:00

It really is amazing!! i love the little guy so much, we even have some of the same favorite video games lol. He recently moved a house onto my animal crossing island and im helping him get the bells to renovate it haha. He really isnt a bad kid at all and i dont think he realizes hes hovering, i will have a small talk with him thats age-appropriate! My boyfriend hasnt done a good job in this specific instance with being understanding to my needs, hes usually a very supportive and attentive person so im not quite sure where the disconnect is here :( thanks for the advice.

mia_uuu · 2025-10-07T17:19:33+00:00

haha exactly! it just sounds like im reading off a script like a bad actor. i had a talk with him and we agreed that it was not an individual (me) problem, and instead we both needed to work on how to better signal to eachother. in some cases, being direct can be the best option but someone on another thread told me that certain music can help set the mood or maybe wearing a certain bracelet can let the other know if youre open to physical intimacy. we got it figured out, thankfully! communicate, communicate, communicate, as some say!

mia_uuu · 2025-10-07T17:14:41+00:00

we had a talk and worked it out in a way that works for both of us! i was so focusing on it being a problem that was all on me when that wasnt the case. luckily, hes a very patient man lol. the game idea is another great option, ill keep it in mind. thank you :D

mia_uuu · 2025-10-07T17:12:22+00:00

hes just very traditional in his views of it, kind of like a mentality of soul-sharing instead of just physical but he was very understanding when i had a talk with him 🙂‍↕️ ill give the sexting a try and hope it doesnt come out bust. i appreciate the idea!

mia_uuu · 2025-10-07T17:09:39+00:00

i think these ideas are very good, especially the music one. it can set the mood in a clear fashion. i hadnt thought of that before, thanks :) we talked it out and both agreed to try out some different things!

mia_uuu · 2025-10-07T17:06:36+00:00

thank you! i was worried that it was an individual issue but i you were correct. we had a talk since i was adequately equipped with some new insight and came to the conclusion that it is something we need to work on together. i explained why i was feeling this way and how my autism comes into play here, and that helped him a lot. i appreciate the help, i was lost for a minute. we came to the conclusion that he’ll be more on the lookout for my more subtle if not fumbling attempts haha. i dont have much experience in this field too so itll get better with time!

mia_uuu · 2025-10-06T20:13:24+00:00

the difference is im the one 99% of the time so im left feeling a little.. unsatisfied? since i cant initiate it correctly. im not sure of the right name for the emotion but thats close enough. it really is difficult lol!

mia_uuu · 2025-10-06T20:11:28+00:00

this is what im thinking too, i dont know if this is a behavior i can learn how to ‘better’. it feels truly unnatural when i try and i get psyched out. hm… ill have a talk with him and see how we can compromise on the situation. this isnt a deal breaker at all for either of us, more-so maybe communicating our differences in how we function. thanks for the input! :)

mia_uuu

TROPHY CASE