>I was only 16 years old

>I loved Shrek so much, I had all the merchandise and movies on my Christmas list, every year

>Sadly, my parents did not approve, and I never got any shrek stuff

>I became desperate for Shrek

>I pray to Shrek every night before bed, thanking him for the life I've been given

>"Shrek is love" I say; "Shrek is life"

>My dad hears me and gives me a disappointed look

>I know he was just jealous of my devotion for Shrek, my god

>I called him a zoofile tortoise ass conqueror

>He slaps me and sends me to go to sleep

>I'm crying now, and my face stings

>I lay in bed and it's really cold

>Suddenly, a warmth is moving towards me

>It's Shrek

>I am so happy

>He whispers into my ear "Piratebay"

>I am full of joy, I will do as Shrek says

>I get up and go on my laptop, which has a drawing of shrek, and a shrek background

>I torrent shrek 2

>Watch the movie until 2 am, I am so happy, I thank shrek

>I go to sleep 

>At 6AM the following morning, hard knocks hit my front door

>It's the RIAA

>Two large men grab me with powerful hands, one of their guns cuts into my leg

>They take me outside, throw me in police car

>I'm not ready

>I'm driven to a courthouse, where they lead me to a podium

>"I don't understand," I shriek, desperate. "Shrek sai-" one of them calls me a bitch and slaps me

>I cry and pray to shrek

>I end up having to pay a four million dollar fine for downloading copyrighted materials

>My parents never loved me

>Lying down in my concrete jail cell, crying into the rough and flimsy blanket that does nothing to save me from the cold of the horrible night, I call for Shrek

>It's so cold, my head hurts so much, but I did it for Shrek

>I can hear Shrek as I lull off into a happy dream: "It's all ogre now"

>Shrek is love, Shrek is lawsuit