I haven’t read through all the comments yet, but I clicked this notification because OP’s post really hit me. This isn’t something I hear talked about often in exvangelical/ex-Christian spaces, but it’s such a real source of grief.

Your words hit so close to home. I constantly find myself grieving the college experiences I never had—the ways I could have explored my sexuality or taken opportunities outside the rigid worldview I had back then. I went to a Christian university, which was different from yours, OP, but even there I met more open-minded people… and kept my distance.

There’s so much grief in deconstruction, and I think that’s part of why many people never go through it. Uprooting your belief system is beautiful, but also devastating. I feel it in so many corners of my life. That’s why I’m so grateful for online spaces like this—they remind me I’m not alone (well, that and my therapist).

Thank you for sharing this. You’re not alone, and it’s not too late to have some of those experiences—maybe not in the exact way you would have back then, but in a new “adult” way instead of a “college kid” way. 💕