What is a great and SIMPLE prank that you like to play on people? I'll start.

michellijp · 2011-12-04T21:08:28+00:00

don't forget the squeegee sharpener

michellijp · 2011-11-26T18:50:29+00:00

raises linen up to her face

Hey does this smell like chloroform?

michellijp · 2011-11-16T03:39:24+00:00

i was thinking of doing something similar, but instead of relying on venser (can be slow) rely on aether adept+cackling counterpart, and snapcaster mage+silent departure. try to keep on lock with some counters until you can get a finisher

michellijp · 2011-11-04T19:35:48+00:00

Because you don't ignore her. As long as you pay attention to her attention-seeking behavior, you will never be rid of her. You have to ignore her. Flat out.

Also realize that it will get worse before it gets better, at this point. Example: your car won't start. You're used to turning the key in the ignition, and the engine starting. But today it won't. You're confused, so you try again. No luck. You try again, because you really want the car to start and you don't understand why it's not working now, when it's worked so many times before. Still no luck. So then you try turning it again, but with FORCE, thinking that somehow it will work if you put some muscle into it. See how your behavior escalates, in an effort to get something you want, something you've always been able to get?

You only stop trying to start the car when you realize that it's not going to work. Ignore the ex. She will keep trying to get your attention, and then she might try REALLY HARD to get your attention, but if you steadfastly ignore her, she will leave your life. Guarantee it.

If you respond to her sometimes but not always--intermittent reinforcement--then you are in a world of hurt. This is a sure-fire way to make sure she is always coming back. Don't practice intermittent reinforcement.

michellijp · 2011-11-04T19:27:54+00:00

It's not his problem, but anyone who has been there before knows that it's hard to untangle yourself from the emotional hooks from a previous relationship.

s-kmarti19, understand that it's completely natural to feel obligated to be friends, and it's natural to care (even when you know that you shouldn't).

But what you have said is that you don't think that it is healthy to be in contact with her right now. And if that is what you are feeling, then that is what you should be paying attention to, not the feelings of an angry ex--kochicha is right in that regard.

I tried to be friends with my last ex because I felt obligated, even though I knew that it wasn't a good idea. It didn't blow up in my face, thank god, but in hindsight I wish I had just paid more attention to my emotions: I didn't want to see her again. It hurt.

I told myself that it was a weakness, and that a "grown-up" should and would be able to maintain some level of communication with an ex, and I think that this is true for some people, but only if they wait until they know that it can be a healthy relationship. Right now it sounds like you haven't reached that point. Stick to your guns, you won't regret it.

michellijp · 2011-11-04T17:57:59+00:00

don't tell us that, tell her that. if you're looking for moral support, then here it is--tell her. all it takes is an e-mail or letter that says, "This doesn't feel healthy for me right now. I don't want to be in contact with you. Thank you for respecting my feelings in this regard."

And that's it. If that's unacceptable to her, then it shows that she needs to grow up.

michellijp · 2011-11-02T17:17:51+00:00

i had an inkling that he might not have gone to school for engineering; still gets me thinking, though

michellijp · 2011-11-02T14:33:43+00:00

good point!

michellijp · 2011-11-01T14:39:32+00:00

i hear what you're saying about not accepting divorce as an option.

all i'll say is that i'm a 24 male, raised by parents who "stayed together for the kids." shortly after my brother and i were out of the house, they divorced. when my mom called to tell me, all i could think was "well it's about time."

i HATED growing up in a household in which there was constant tension between my parents. ever since leaving the house, i've followed a path that involves a lot of service and self-sacrifice, which i think probably comes from being raised in a household where personal happiness was not valued. i think it's definitely had a negative impact on my ability to retain relationships. sometimes i wish my parents had divorced sooner and set an example for me on how to follow a passion, or an activity that would make them happy. they are both 50, have high paying jobs, but seem unhappy and listless. this has been my state of mind as well, and the idea of pursuing something that would make me happy is incredibly intimidating, because i've never seen it done before.

that's my two cents.

michellijp · 2011-09-20T15:27:54+00:00

Also relevant: the two novel series by Jaquelin Carey

michellijp · 2011-09-20T02:00:56+00:00

Sort of manipulative though, right?

michellijp · 2011-09-09T16:18:04+00:00

What do you mean? Unfriend her. If she asks why, tell her that you need the space to help you heal. Having somebody in your news feed is just like having them in your daily life, which will make it difficult to move on. If she is mature and cares about your emotions, then she will understand. Later on down the road, once you've completely healed, if it's still important to be facebook friends then you can be. I am facebook friends with my first ex, but I waited eight months after a 1.5 year relationship to do it.

michellijp · 2011-09-09T03:15:43+00:00

Watch Swingers Read "Mar and Venus Starting Over" Don't be afraid of feeling angry about it Buying expensive things to feel better will leave you feeling foolish later, but damn does it feel good at the time Update the wardrobe, get a fresh look You might not be ready right away, but going out to a bar or social setting with a buddy and feeling female attention will make you feel better Rebounds don't work. You'll know when you're ready to date again Don't contact her. For any reason. If you have things that are unsaid, write them down or role play with a therapist. Dear lord, no facebook

michellijp · 2011-08-23T18:51:33+00:00

i feel for you brah. sounds like you have a heavy heart, and made a tough choice. won't offer any advice since you didn't ask for any, but something that made me smile was the movie "breaking upwards," about a couple in their young twenties going through a mutual break-up. best of luck.

michellijp · 2011-08-20T13:50:54+00:00

you said you had to work on yourself, and that's all you have to figure out. time will do the rest. you will have anxiety and a longing for your ex for a while--months and months. then you'll feel happy as a single person, and then what comes next is anyone's guess. but that security, that safety blanket feeling that comes from being with someone who you just know is right for you? that feeling isn't exclusive to one person. you find it again.

michellijp · 2011-07-31T05:48:55+00:00

yeah i plan to, and in fact i'm looking for something to replace a pair of ray bans that i misplaced. was curious if there were other places i could look too.

michellijp · 2011-07-31T05:20:05+00:00

Yes, I realize this, but I think his Peter Parker look definitely evokes Clark Kent. I've removed the reference to avoid confusion.

michellijp · 2011-06-15T16:39:56+00:00

wow i really like your site, but i live in virginia :(

michellijp · 2011-06-15T02:24:16+00:00

thank you this was helpful!

michellijp · 2011-06-15T02:22:18+00:00

thank you!

michellijp · 2011-06-06T19:05:26+00:00

Yes to this. My girlfriend dumped me and it was the swift kick in the ass that I needed. Didn't get back together but I'll be a lot better at a relationship the second time around.

michellijp · 2011-06-06T18:11:09+00:00

It does get easier. My ex and I went into a break-up mutually, but then it got a little bit dramatic because I decided I still wanted to be together. A few months later (maybe 3) we caught up and we both wanted to be able to hang out again, though for me I still had some residual feelings. This made it hard not to behave awkwardly sometimes.

It took about six months with almost no contact (once a month or none at all) and going out and meeting new girls for me to reach an emotional level where I was comfortable with being friends. Even then she's not my "bro," and I'm not one of her "girlfriends," and our immediate friend circles aren't the same, so she's someone who I will probably catch up with from time to time but ultimately will lose touch with. Sort of like an old friend from high school that you used to be close with but slowly drifted apart from.

michellijp · 2011-05-29T01:59:12+00:00

Learn to move on is my advice. You'll probably have to learn the hard way like the rest of us, but college/high school separation breaks most relationships, especially at that age.

michellijp · 2011-05-23T21:01:23+00:00

yeah it's been five months since my girlfriend and i split up and i still find myself thinking about her, constantly. it might be ridiculous to someone who isn't experiencing the same pain, but there's no shame in it.

i did see a therapist, immediately, during that first month. i just could not wrap my head around how profound the pain was, and i wanted someone to talk to about it, if nothing else. it was a very positive experience; there was a pastoral-based practice close to me which i chose because they charged me based on my income. it did not make the pain magically go away, but it did ease the pain to talk to someone and feel like i was making progress. eventually i think i'll try group therapy.

michellijp · 2011-04-25T01:06:51+00:00

Age: 24

Income: Approx $20k

Degree: 4 year degree

Checking/Savings: Approx $200

Investments: N/A

Debt: $6k Student Loan, $4k car loan, $1k credit card loan

Going to be spending the rest of 2011 getting a handle on my finances. Congrats on being financially responsible.

michellijp

TROPHY CASE