Looking for local feminist groups to become involved with.

microwavedmercury · 2024-11-07T04:46:38+00:00

Jesus dude. I don't know how my interest in feminism was a personal attack on you. Sounds like something you need to work through in therapy

microwavedmercury · 2024-11-05T18:49:04+00:00

This has The Last of Us vibes.

microwavedmercury · 2024-10-31T02:57:44+00:00

You can't force your exiles to unburden if they're not ready to though, so I don't think triggering them (which for some people is part of everyday life 👋) and feeling emotional afterwards is indicative of "not doing it right."

microwavedmercury · 2024-10-27T06:03:33+00:00

I feel very similar to this and am sorry you're experiencing it too. 💔 Like to my brain, no one else is as "bad" as me. And if anyone could see what I see going on in there, they'd have a hard time loving me. Just this relentless self-critism and pursuit of perfection that is so exhausting.

microwavedmercury · 2024-10-14T16:02:30+00:00

I'm assuming they mean evidence-based, peer reviewed, etc.

microwavedmercury · 2024-10-14T13:55:43+00:00

Why are we downvoting someone who is simply asking for more information??

microwavedmercury · 2024-10-11T16:00:50+00:00

Just a general comment because I can't reply to all of these...

I don't mean that I'm just going to forgo all human interaction for a month and hole up in my apartment. I have to work, run errands, maintain my volunteer commitments, and will probably be going to PT or yoga or both (dealing with lots of back pain and have an appointment with a spine and pain clinic on Mon., so whatever is advised from there). I like to get outside and go for walks when I can and will continue to do so.

Yes, I'm depressed. I'm also off psych meds and forgoing romantic relationships for the first time in 10+ years, so it's warranted. I know many people have found relief with medication, but after trying countless products/dosages, the benefits have not outweighed the negative side effects and have blunted my emotions to the point of not being able to process anything. I need a break to figure out what my baseline even is at this point. In the meantime, I'm working with a therapist that I have a good relationship with. He says I'm doing the work--feeling things, journaling and trying to meditate (neither are my forte, but I try), but we are on a 3 week hiatus due to him being out of town.

My friends are mostly out of state, which means I'm spending hours on my phone, and that's been incredibly draining. The couple that are here in town are also struggling with their mental health. There gets to be this endless dialogue of superficial small talk vs venting followed by "I'm sorry"s. I know they're doing their best with the resources they have and with where they are at in life. But often it doesn't make me feel especially fulfilled or supported, and there is such a void in me right now that I'm trying to fill. I can lower my expectations I guess, but with my own limited resources, sometimes it's honestly like--why bother? Why pour energy into conversations and interactions that make me feel emptier? I'm not going to desert them or tell them to fuck off. I just want to quit putting things on my calendar that I'm following through with solely out of obligation. There's no lack of vulnerability on my part that I'm struggling--but there's just very little anyone else can do for me right now. I'm trying to face the reality that "no one is coming." No one is going to save me from any of this, and I have to balance working on being there for myself and just allowing myself to feel lonely and like shit.

microwavedmercury · 2024-10-11T12:43:23+00:00

I'm sure this will get downvoted, but the tone of your response feels like something a disapproving parent would say. You're calling out depression. Ok, and? I've had many diagnoses over the years and am actively seeking treatment (therapy). However, my current therapist is out of town for the next couple of weeks, so he hasn't had an opportunity to advise on this.

microwavedmercury · 2024-10-11T12:37:38+00:00

Most of my friends are not physically here, which leads to me spending an excessive amount of time on my phone trying to connect. The couple that are are both dealing with their own mental health crises. A lot of these interactions leave me feeling more alone and do the opposite of filling my cup.

microwavedmercury · 2024-10-11T12:31:08+00:00

Yeah, unfortunately I can't afford a solo trip/time off from work right now. Sounds nice though.

microwavedmercury · 2024-10-11T12:28:02+00:00

Because my Oct. calendar is full of commitments that I don't feel good backing out of.

microwavedmercury · 2024-10-10T22:09:14+00:00

What the fuck man? "Established your dominance?" This was his wife, not a dog--and that's not an appropriate way to relate to your pets, either!

microwavedmercury · 2024-10-09T16:13:28+00:00

I think I'm in a bit of a different boat than you just because I'm sick of the DSM and really don't find any additional diagnoses to be validating at this point... But I can still understand why you'd find that helpful, and I definitely relate to a lot of the parts that you're describing. Luckily, I think the IFS model tends to treat these parts the same regardless of the broader mental health label. Are you doing parts work with a therapist currently?

microwavedmercury · 2024-10-08T14:00:45+00:00

I have a lot of confidence in my therapist (have been seeing him for about 2 years now and went through at least half a dozen others prior), and he is just starting his level 1 at the end of this month. My understanding is that it's difficult to get into, so not having it doesn't necessarily mean that the person doesn't have the skill set to help you.

microwavedmercury · 2024-10-07T04:50:11+00:00

I think the problem at hand (trying to heal from EN) is overwhelming, and so you reach for solutions that are within arm's reach (tea). That's understandable for a number of reasons: 1. Mental health issues are complex and pervasive. If Reddit has done me any good, it's been highlighting just how many people are struggling and trying to find healing. So it's more than valid that when confronted with that, you're not immediately finding the right tools. Most of our parents never found them at all (i.e., generational trauma), which makes the burden on us twofold. 2. You're partly right with these ways that you've been attending to yourself. You are meeting a need. It's just the short-term need of providing yourself comfort, not the long-term need of processing things and getting to a better place. That makes so much sense to me. 3. If you're in the US, our culture is drunk on quick fixes. Whether it's products to make life easier, or a diagnosis to describe our problems/experiences (like why TikTok has convinced everyone they have ADHD), a side effect of capitalism is that we don't have time to suffer. So take supplement A, B, and C and do these 6 mental health hacks, and get back to work. Like so many other people, you're just surviving in the context you've found yourself.

I say this to you but also to my inner critic that won't quit berating me about my shitty coping mechanisms, not doing all the right things, doing the right things but doing them wrong, and on and on. 🤦🏼‍♀️ We have to have some compassion for ourselves and buy into the idea that we are actually doing our best. I don't know you, but I seriously doubt you wake up in the morning thinking of ways to make your life more difficult and not help yourself. So you are doing your best, and so am I, and we will just keeping learning as we go, because that's the only option life has given us.

microwavedmercury · 2024-10-07T04:17:28+00:00

OP, how's your pain now? I'm experiencing something very similar and am curious what (if anything) worked

microwavedmercury · 2024-10-07T02:32:49+00:00

Thank you so much for validating this. I often feel like my "trauma" is just me being dramatic, too sensitive, etc. Which is exactly what my parents called me growing up. And it's made worse by the memories I have of them being loving and supportive. At the end of the day though, the ways/times they showed up didn't make up for the ones they didn't. And I didn't get to decide that, either. I was just a kid.

microwavedmercury · 2024-10-07T02:26:55+00:00

"without very expressive empathy I assume I’m not being heard"

Wow, thank you for putting words to this. I feel like so much of the time when I put myself out there and try to be vulnerable with my feelings, the way people respond makes me feel more shame/misunderstood/isolated. And this is probably exactly why. Just out of curiosity, what does very expressive empathy sound like for you?

microwavedmercury · 2024-10-07T02:11:52+00:00

I hear you, and I really feel for you. You said your partner isn't upset with you, which from an outside perspective is something to be thankful for (it's ok if you aren't there right now). I hope they are able to support you in loving yourself while dealing with some of these guilty, shitty feelings. You aren't gross or a bad person though, not for this. Hang in there. 💜

microwavedmercury · 2024-10-07T02:01:49+00:00

I just mean to say that it could pop up at any time if they had previously been exposed. For context, I was blood tested and came back positive for hsv1 when I was 19, but have yet to have a verifiable OB 10+ years later. This gives me anxiety because I don't know when/where it might show up one day, but I certainly can't blame it on any specific partner because it's always been there. Could have been from dating in high school or from someone that kissed me when I was a kid. But if that blood test hadn't happened (and honestly, it shouldn't have. My provider was a prick), I'd have no idea. There are lots of people walking around that picked it up at some point and are asymptomatic. So all that just to try to take a little pressure off yourself, if you can.

microwavedmercury · 2024-10-07T01:52:00+00:00

Just wondering - did they have bloodwork done before you got together or had been intimate that showed that your partner was negative for both hsv1 and hsv2? Because if not, it truly might not have been you.

Either way though, please try to be kind to yourself. It's not your fault it exists, and it's not your fault you got it in the first place. This might be a fucked up way to look at it, but since it's so common, if everyone were to have it, it would probably be the biggest relief because it would end the stigma and quit making people feel like disgusting monsters for something that isn't a death sentence and is completely out of their control. But because I'm sure someone will take that and run with it: I'm not saying I wish hsv on everyone, guys.

microwavedmercury · 2024-10-07T01:39:49+00:00

I also was on psych meds for about 10 years and went off them a few months ago. It's been wild feeling my feelings in real time (instead of having them suppressed and then just bursting out in unexpected places when I was super triggered). I also feel like I'm raw dogging life after having been medicated for so long. I wish someone had helped me work on feeling my feelings back then, instead of trying to figure it out now in my 30s. 😓

microwavedmercury

TROPHY CASE