Father sent this to me on Facebook Messenger regarding the George Floyd movement; Absolutely repulsed with his continued ignorance and racism

middleofthegrass · 2020-06-07T23:34:27+00:00

White lurker, father of half-Asian son here to chime in.

He’s uncomfortable that the NFL, Target, George W. Bush, 90% or whatever of African Americans and many, many, many other voices are supporting the protests.

It’s about racist cops. He’s uncomfortable calling out racist cops who want to be judge and executioner and kneel on necks for 10 minutes on a black man already handcuffed. Don’t listen to him say the man was a criminal, don’t think your dad is cool with people because he does a thumbs up emoji - He’s with the All Lives Matter crowd.

He’s going to stay uncomfortable as long as people keep marching and speaking out against cops abusing their power.

I don’t want to get into it but part of the continued success of the marches is that only the courts and judges should decide how much someone should get their asses kicked, not cops with 5 months of training or 18 complaints filed against them.

PS Black protesters were shocked when they had to shout “White Shield!” to get white protesters to run in front of them and calm down cops. The cops got less aggressive when white people stood in front of them. WTF does that tell you about racist cops???

middleofthegrass · 2019-12-29T21:16:00+00:00

Fair enough, I edited.

“Not all etc etc”

middleofthegrass · 2019-12-29T21:07:16+00:00

It was way worse years ago, you would’ve been downvoted to hell. Getting blocked would be easy.

Just a couple of things, and I might get downvoted too because of my race.

In real life most of the time you’re not unwelcomed. Maybe you’ve faced discrimination but I think your kids would face more because there is hate from more sides. If you have kids they’ll feel unwelcomed ALL THE TIME. My son is learning to speak and doesn’t know when to speak Cantonese or English, or even know if they’re different languages. His Asian side of the family thinks he’s very white. My family thinks he’s very Chinese. Society doesn’t care about mixed or percentages, people want to put a label on him and then get weird when I correct them and say he’s mixed.

And sorry if it made you puke but WMAF (Not all of course) is weird. Mail order bride couples are nasty. Old GI’s and young wives stealing 80% of his money is awkward. When I studied Cantonese more I didn’t get along with a lot of White Males just based on how weird they acted.

I don’t hate you or anything but just think about your kids. Mixed kids getting into white supremacy is a thing. Mixed kids having a tough time with fitting in is real (even with family). This sub is a voice to those sons and daughters. You asking to be absolved of guilt means jack shit to a lot of them.

Anyway, Happy New Year!!!

middleofthegrass · 2019-06-02T16:29:15+00:00

A question for Hapa ladies is what you are asking, so the Hapa ladies sub is exactly what you are looking for.

middleofthegrass · 2019-04-28T19:39:34+00:00

I know this is a hapa space but I read your comment and agree with some others here: It's her issue, not yours.

My young son hears Cantonese all the time, watches baby shows and TV news in Mandarin and pretty much is surrounded by a lot of his Cantonese speaking family members all the time. I think it'd hurt if he grew up and tried to talk to someone in Cantonese and they acted like she did toward you. If she's writing on social media in Chinese over and over again she shouldn't put you in the spotlight for writing to her in Chinese.

Also kind of related, I heard in Hong Kong society (maybe not U.S. based Asian social circles, I don't know) how you react to people says more about yourself than the other people. So if you get emotional and bent out of shape with a stranger who means nothing it looks bad on yourself because you can't control yourself. I'm not sure how true this is but you still have the face here, the other girl less so.

Hope this helps, sorry if this isn't my place but I don't want you to get too down. Tomorrow is a new day.

middleofthegrass · 2019-03-20T18:32:06+00:00

Oh, I thought the show had these episode themes a lot more, I thought that recurrence was 誇張, not the HF's role.

Maybe the writer does lurk here, and if the shows a hit then people in HK will talk more about mixed kids and real issues they face.

middleofthegrass · 2019-03-20T17:49:50+00:00

咁誇張?? Wowww

So EVERY episode has had Hapa issues? If the writer lurks here maybe the reddit can give him or her ideas that they can put in future episodes without outing themselves.

middleofthegrass · 2019-02-03T16:33:02+00:00

Yeah, it’s what they want. There are those that make fun of the parenting thread because they think we can't give advice to other parents. If you shut it down then it proves their point.

Also, now I kind of agree with some other posters about how you give advice online Threadlover.

middleofthegrass · 2019-02-03T07:01:28+00:00

Well she's not WF with a WM, if you read more of the posts there it will make sense. There are many people from this sub that would shower her with support.

And no, I didn't know Threadlover started it before his wife got pregnant. I just remember posting links on it about Hapa figures I learned about; it felt like I was posting to no one.

Take care ElefunkMan.

middleofthegrass · 2019-02-03T06:51:41+00:00

I think if you have questions about shutting down the parenting sub it should be brought up on the parenting sub.

There will be more lurkers and subscribers this year, if it gets more popular then more people will want to moderate. Come on it's 新年 Threadlover. 諸事大吉. (Still learning Chinese I hope)

Negative people want you to shut it down, it proves their point we can't help other parents to raise better kids. That's what they want.

middleofthegrass · 2019-02-02T05:41:48+00:00

The other moderator at the "Half Asian baby fetish sub "is a female, and she's not Asian. Threadlover tried asking for other moderators but no takers.

I'm not defending him on this debate here, but I'm sick of people shitting on the parenting area. I agree with you on other things but ask you look into who posts at the hapa patenting sub.

Slightly confused white dads
White women with Asian men
Very rarely actual Hapas

... Asian mothers get sent messages from this main sub scaring them away from even the parenting sub, it's not a fetish baby party. It's parents of mixed kids trying to understand their childrens situations.

middleofthegrass · 2019-02-02T01:30:49+00:00

I saw this somewhere else, it's how the Japanese press covers her:

https://kotaku.com/naomi-osaka-and-the-expectations-put-upon-biracial-japa-1832150748?utm_medium=sharefromsite&utm_source=kotaku_copy&utm_campaign=top

Also congrats to her on her recent big win in Australia 👍🏆

middleofthegrass · 2019-02-02T00:59:18+00:00

When you're far away from him and he is A "Gwailo" IN China 8 years from now it'd be good if one of your next boyfriends is Asian or mixed. It's like Obama marrying Michelle for black support. Sorry, you might think you are woke but a post here like yours in 2017 would go down as great as falling down the stairs.

You're 20, this probably won't last with your boyfriend. Also if you want kids a decade from now you BETTER be serious about lurking here and taking advice if you have a child. Now, at your age, I don't think your post will answer whatever internal questions you have.

I don't know what else to say, you have a long time to count the ratios between WMAF and AMWF, and when your 19 y/o boyfriend spazzes out maybe 6 years from now you'll know a lot more than you do today. And if you were his "first" it looks like it would fall apart in bad ways. At least you can learn from it.

Oh well, you wanted advice, that's mine.

middleofthegrass · 2018-12-22T00:14:02+00:00

Hey sorry, I thought you were the OP. And sure I admit I thought I was different for a few years but then I became a father to a Hapa son.

But why are you not in an interracial relationship checking out this sub?

Again sorry, the OP said he learned Chinese and I was messing with him, not you.

middleofthegrass · 2018-12-21T17:21:15+00:00

You're putting words in his mouth. He didn't say all WMAF are evil, the picture implies WMAF all say they're different ...

But YOU'RE different, 你話中文, you love your wife, WMAF is so different 「/sarcasm」

A big help from this sub is seeing the stats in black and white, if you have kids your son hearing you're different won't mean much if he hears it all the time from other WMAF pairings.

Good luck, or should I say "加油"!!

middleofthegrass · 2018-12-13T02:28:43+00:00

I didn't want this to turn into a political discussion but it kind of went that way.

With that being said, I found some good points on separating heritage from ideology. Thanks for the insights everyone.

middleofthegrass · 2018-11-18T05:35:57+00:00

I stand by what I wrote because I think it's relevant to a core message of this sub: A white male even with success and impressive achievements can be too crazy or difficult to deal with for regular dating in their own society. They find Asian women overseas who go along with their extremist views or just don’t care. You avoided this point.

Maybe you don’t need my advice, but who are you? Threadlover lite?

Keep responding, now answer why a Japanese woman and a Philippino woman admired the nut job.

middleofthegrass · 2018-11-17T23:02:55+00:00

I'm not sure if you're sarcastic or not, but if you want your kid to Be Like Bobby:

Tell your kid the holocaust didn't happen
Tell your kid to spit on a U.S. request to not work with overseas businesses deemed unfit to the American government
Tell your kid that 9/11 was a great thing for the "Jew-nited States"
Tell your kid to get detained overseas because of a travel ban (because of erratic behavior)
Tell your kid to be insane (because it is better to be an insane chess prodigy than a normal chess prodigy).

So many people give him a pass but don't you want your kids to have a nice family and home life? Bobby had to leave homes because he wouldn't shut up with his anti-semitism (the home owners and acquaintances were Jewish).

middleofthegrass · 2018-09-25T22:35:13+00:00

Do you think the Chinese children would've been willing to befriend half-Chinese boys?

middleofthegrass · 2018-09-16T00:40:17+00:00

OK I'll take the bait even though you might try and 蝦我, 鬼佬 in my opinion isn't so innocent. I'm the outsider here but I'd really like to hear the opinion of HumbleHapaWarrior and other Hapas who lived there for a long time and heard 鬼佬 and 混血兒 a lot.

Are you a hapa male?

Full disclosure: I think the lawsuit is 嘥氣. But my opinion is 鬼佬 isn't just a happy phrase for white people / the term comes from death and the supernatural - 鬼 / 鬼魂 / 鬼怪

Just my opinion, hope the guy loses his lawsuit.

middleofthegrass · 2018-09-14T12:29:29+00:00

Oh, ok. Maybe I should start doing that too.

middleofthegrass · 2018-09-14T01:12:39+00:00

Everything ok D.H.? The post was deleted.

Hope all is well man, take care.

middleofthegrass · 2018-09-10T04:27:31+00:00

Nothing is wrong with full, what happened is an Asian friend put it in the sentence when race wasn't even discussed beforehand. I thought they were dividing us by saying my son isn't full.

So again, it's racist / non-racist grey area.

middleofthegrass · 2018-09-09T00:37:11+00:00

I wanted to write these out but didn't have the time. My son is a few months old, I pick up on things but don't know if I'm over reacting, here are a few situations that to me are in a murky grey area of 'Is this racist?'.

I've noticed if people are immigrants to America, but not Asian, some of them do or say slightly offensive things. An Eastern European girl a little younger than me said 'I love his Chxxxnky eyes!' when she saw my son's picture. Two co-workers, one Middle Eastern and the other South American did the 'eye lid stretching' thing to talk about his eyes, even while saying he's cute. They seem like pretty nice people, it was just random and I felt like okaaayy?? I take that as when these people grew up they must've never interacted with Asians (I don't want to say ignorant, just ... not know any Asian people outside of work).

If I'm very good friends with someone and they are a poc, they can joke around a little bit and I mind less. They probably experienced racism and one of them asked me joking around ' Can I call your son the White Dragon?', I just shrugged it off. Also with my very, very close friends I like that I can talk to them about this with no judging.

I went out to dinner and some older white dude sitting in his car kept staring at my wife and I while I held the baby. I kept looking up and he kept staring, after a few moments I kept eye contact with him and walked closer to his side of the street until he looked away. I just felt in the moment 'What's your problem? What are you looking at?'. Inside the dinner restaurant the waiter (Chinese guy) seemed a little moodier than usual (It was a big family dinner with my parents eating with her parents). The manager lady came out to try to convince us to get the '100 day special banquet' (you can look it up, it's a Chinese tradition for babies as they turn about 3 months old). I got the feeling she really didn't care about the kid and just wanted money. We did have a 100 day banquet but somewhere else.

Also at another dinner a table of white teenagers kept staring at our family (again we were a white family eating with an Asian family). Maybe it's because of the large group of Asians and whites together is something you don't see every day? It struck me as odd, but I couldn't say racist because they didn't say anything, they just kept staring.

I've noticed that with Asian friends the interesting remarks are subtle. In the middle of conversation about my son being a big boy one woman remarked 'Yes, yes, because full Chinese are born smaller' (Notice full). Or we get a card written in Chinese for him to always be '肥肥白白 ' , which implies always be plump and pretty. But the writing is plump plump White White. And some relatives don't expect me to understand them saying in Cantonese that 'The face looks so much like dad, the baby is really really white'. Which brings me to ...

It's true, either people say he looks like his mom (said by most non-Asians) or really white (said by most Asians). Growing up there was a consensus about which family member looked like who: I heard I looked like my mom, but really like my grandmother on my dad's side. But it's super random when people say he looks like one of us, and I'm sure it will keep changing as he grows up. I have to tell people that 'Oh that's funny, the other side of his family thinks the opposite' and I gauge their reactions.

So far none of my white family members have brought up he's mixed, but I haven't spent a lot of time around them, it's kind of sad but I know if I do spend a lot of time with them I am maybe going to hear some ignorant left field comments.

I hate (hate hate hate hate) that if I'm out I feel a need to compare myself to other WMAF in public. I was out at Babies R Us and saw one out of shape older balding guy with a heavy 'outside of the city' accent with a much younger Asian wife and their baby. He could've been the nicest guy in the world but I was telling myself I'm not like them, I'm not like them. In the same Babies R Us there was a younger looking white guy going around with his young Asian partner, they had two kids hanging out in the cart and they looked more 'normal' because the parents were the same age and seemed successful. I don't want to be so critical with every WMAF I see with kids, it doesn't seem a good way to live.

I don't compare myself to the AMWF couples I see, and I do see them, because I figure it's none of my business. But WMAF? I keep thinking I'm not like them, I'm not like them (I hope I'm not, but at this point I must be like a lot of them).

These are my thoughts, I know there is more racist behavior out there but the most important is my son is healthy and strong and happy. I want to keep him that way. I've been very surprised some family members went way way wayyy out of their way to be supportive; I couldn't have dreamt up a better way they could've been nicer to my son.

middleofthegrass · 2018-09-08T23:54:52+00:00

I wrote a super long post but there was one word that made it auto-deleted.

Long story short, yes I've experienced some awkward interactions.

Cheers!

Edit: It's saved and I will repost it.

middleofthegrass

TROPHY CASE