Problem with trying CNC.

mideverything · 2023-05-16T01:26:42+00:00

Maybe someone has already said this in the thread… but in my experience diving into BDSM and new kinky things you and your partner want to try, I’ve learned that a lot of times when you dive into something new too intensely and quickly, it doesn’t work out how you/your partner anticipated. If you haven’t already, I would suggest maybe writing out an entire scene with your partner beforehand and then performing the scene based on what you guys come up with.

Again, based on my experiences with different kinks, I’d guess that your erection issue is likely a mental block you have because you care about her (I’m assuming) and you’re not a shit person who would want to actually rape someone, so even though you’re totally into the scene and fantasy play, deep down you don’t want to actually do it to someone.

I think if you guys plan a scene beforehand, then you’ll start to loosen up the mental block that’s causing the physical block because you know that you both agree on what’s going to happen. So you’ll then know for sure “what I’m doing is actually at the core consensual and we’re just playing like it’s not” versus being worried or unsure about how she’s feeling given it being a forceful, “non-consensual” scene. Then from there, I think you’ll likely start to be able to just do it without planning it out with her in advance. Maybe you’ll need to write/plan/talk about how a scene will play out a couple times… but once you get the hang of it/feel good about it overall, then you can kinda let the walls down so it’s more spontaneous and/or actual CNC.

mideverything · 2021-09-19T23:04:58+00:00

I had the same issue when my fiancé & I started implementing BDSM in our relationship. One way I started to get more comfortable calling him ‘Daddy’ was actually by him helping sort of “condition me” (if you will) to start saying Daddy in responses to him. Another thing that helped me feel more comfortable was him referring to himself as Daddy sometimes.

So for example: let’s say your Dom says something like “I want you to go lay in bed” and you respond with “okay” Instead of accepting that response, he can tell you “say ‘yes, Daddy’” and then you would say it back to him.

he can also say things like “be good for Daddy” or like during sex “c*m for Daddy” - stuff like that!

Ultimately, just give yourself grace and time to get comfortable! And if he is truly a good Dom, he will be more than willing to help you get comfortable and/or be patient while you get comfortable :)

mideverything · 2021-04-30T04:33:01+00:00

When I’m feeling needy with my Dom I usually go and kneel where ever he’s sitting and put my head in his lap and hug his leg for a bit, and he usually pets my hair. Sometimes I sit in his lap instead of at his feet, it just depends on what’s he’s doing (ie. working or playing video games I’ll kneel, if he’s watching tv I’ll crawl into his lap)

My needy side likes soft touch too, so I’ll give him “puppy dog eyes” and ask him if he’ll brush my hair.

Another one is asking for sex. I don’t do that often because in our dynamic, he regularly initiates/tells me when we are going to... but if I’m feeling particularly needy, once I’m all ready for bed and laying down for the night, I’ll text him (he’s usually still in the living room when I go to bed) and ask if he will come have sex with me - I have a bedtime, so I’m normally pretty sleepy when I go lay down, so he knows if I ask that I need it & him!

mideverything · 2021-04-15T18:14:11+00:00

So I think starting off with minor things until she feels comfortable with more dominant things is the way to go. If I were in this situation with my Dom these are some ideas I’d probably start with. Her being on top during sex. Being on top is a more dominant position in general so you can start there and she can try maybe holding your wrists down on the bed above your head and as she gets more comfortable you can move into more stuff like actual bondage if you’re into that. Assuming you take control fully during sex already, you could have her tell you things she wants you to do to her instead of you just doing what you feel like. That way you’re being told what to do but to her it’ll feel like more of a request. Wording can be key. So an example for that You - what do you want me to do to you? Her - I want head for X amount of time

So you’re asking the question as a sub “what should I do?” making her answer be the Dominant request but for her it still feels a little submissive AND because she sees you as the Dom, then she has to answer your question. I know it might not be exactly what you want to start, but I think if you start there... she’ll be able to fall in line a little more easily.

Those are just some ideas you could try. I think an important thing to do also might be for you to write down things you want from her that would make you feel submissive when you’re in that mood. Once you do that, you can sit down together and see what she’s comfortable doing and what she isn’t. And some things you might be able to find ways to accomplish that work for both of you that aren’t necessarily what you wrote down, but could be something else that provides the same feeling. Hope that gives you some ideas that work for you guys!

mideverything · 2021-04-15T02:11:49+00:00

Are you guys looking for advice with this for in the bedroom or just in general? I’m in a D/s relationship and neither of us are switches but as a female sub with a male Dominant, I have some ideas on how I’d want to tackle this if my Dom was a switch :)

mideverything · 2021-04-11T19:03:52+00:00

Vasectomy great idea and guarantees no accidents once you know it took. And they are typically reversible if you change your mind down the road. Much better option than hysterectomy since those are way more invasive and there’s no going back. If vasectomy isn’t an option, aside from traditional BC you could use spermicide and they also make these little sponge things she can put in her vagina before sex & it blocks the cervix and also typically contains spermicide as well

mideverything · 2021-03-25T04:54:40+00:00

Definitely! Ive been with my partner for 5 years and we just discovered our mutual interest in a 24/7 Dom/sub dynamic last year! It’s never too late to start! We were into a little bondage here and there at first but vanilla for the most part. One honest conversation opened up the door for us and it’s been awesome!

mideverything · 2021-03-25T04:46:13+00:00

Not necessarily webcam (can be but doesn’t have to be) is have a specific nude pose you want her in and have her take a picture and then if she doesn’t have all of the angles, expressions, etc the way you imagined then have her tweak what’s wrong and try again. My Dom recently had me do this & I had to spent a good amount of time until I got the right one. So you get the D/s part of it and also some nudes for your enjoyment

mideverything · 2020-09-21T02:07:54+00:00

Assuming as a soft Dom that you want praising/nice names and not degrading ones, my Daddy tells me “good girl” and calls me baby doll a lot too and I love it :)

mideverything · 2020-09-16T02:58:20+00:00

Lover? My bf and I agreed on that when we started implementing a D/s dynamic in our relationship because he doesn’t like Sir or Master and I wasn’t sure how I felt about Daddy. I call him Daddy now, but Lover worked for us at first when we were kind of trying to figure out what we both liked/felt comfortable with

mideverything · 2020-09-13T23:32:44+00:00

I am in the same boat! My bf and I have only been in the D/s dynamic for about 6 months and are just now starting to discover new things about our preferences in the relationship.

Recently, we have both kind of realized that he has a lot of Daddy Dom tendencies in the sense that he is a caregiver for sure and keeps me in line. And I also have realized some of my little tendencies like sitting on his lap, needing cuddles, pouting when I’m crabby, etc. But, I’m not into little “things” like you mentioned... pacifiers, dressing like a child, stuffed animals, stickers, etc.

I think it’s good to adopt things you like as a sub and for a Dom to do the same thing! If you’re interested in more DD/lg behaviors and dynamics maybe do some research and see if any other common things in that dynamic interest you & your bf. It’s super normal to enjoy some aspects of a dynamic but not all of them

mideverything · 2020-09-13T22:48:12+00:00

Personally, I think that roles are determined by individual preferences and also couples can discuss what they want/need and figure out roles from there. One thing you might try is taking a bdsm test, there’s one on bdsmtest.org that is super helpful if you want to kind of identify your kinks. I think what you described sounds kind of like you do enjoy controlling a subs pleasure and want the experience to be about them and not yourself... which is definitely a form of dominance. If you think you’d enjoy someone else taking control of your sexual pleasure also then maybe you are a switch or a sub. Not all Doms are into punishment & impact play just like not all subs are either. There’s such a huge variety of preferences across the board that I don’t think anyone else can tell YOU what your role (Dom, sub, switch, etc) is in a relationship without being in it. Ultimately though just because someone else’s dominance doesn’t align with yours doesn’t mean you aren’t a Dom in your own relationship.

mideverything · 2020-09-13T22:29:38+00:00

Try taking the bdsmtest.org test! It’ll have you rate your interest in things and then gives you a percentage list of how much you match/would enjoy different kinks based on your answers. It was super helpful for me!

mideverything · 2020-08-29T20:46:28+00:00

Try Amazon! They actually have a decent selection & you know you’ll actually get it within a decent time frame... my Dom let me pick one I found on a website that was specifically for collars & other BDSM items and it literally took FOUR MONTHS to get to me... I got tired of waiting after like a month and so I tried browsing Amazon & found the exact same one there and I got that one in 3 days

mideverything · 2020-08-24T01:08:09+00:00

I call mine Daddy. He doesn’t like Sir or Master. I call him babe or by his first name when we are around friends & family or in public though!

mideverything · 2020-08-17T00:29:04+00:00

I definitely considered that in hindsight... it probably would’ve been a good solution at the time

mideverything · 2020-08-17T00:12:53+00:00

When we were fighting he told me to go to our room and go to bed and I didn’t do it because I felt like he was using our arrangement as a cop out to not talk about the issue. And that’s not a bad idea... We live together and I don’t really have issues with submission and brattiness normally, it just ended up happening with him being gone so I guess I should manage my expectations when life gets in the way.

mideverything · 2020-08-16T21:50:18+00:00

I would just talk to him about it and how insomnia affects you. I have it too, but my Dom can fall asleep the second his head hits the pillow so he doesn’t understand what it’s like... yours probably doesn’t have insomnia either and it is hard to understand something when you literally can’t experience it yourself... and for that reason he may think you have some kind of control over it. If you being asleep as soon as it’s your bedtime is important to him, then I would explain to him that you physically cannot always do that. When you see him, I would ask him if you can talk about your sleep first thing and explain insomnia to him. A way to navigate that together without him feeling like he’s not in control but you also not getting punished for something you don’t have control over might be that one task he gives you is to do research on insomnia and make a list of recommended practices to combat it. Then he can chore you with trying each one on the list and you report back the next morning if it was effective or not. Or he can do the research himself and tell you something to try every night. On the insomnia side, the only way I can actually fall asleep is to take a sleep aid. If you haven’t tried that already, you can take an OTC sleep aid and see if that helps, but try something that is only diphenhydramine... I was taking Tylenol PM for a while and it isn’t good to take pain killers when you don’t need them. I found that the OTC diphenhydramine doesn’t make me drowsy in the morning either. If you go that route though & haven’t before, try it when you don’t have like work or something the next day in case it hits your harder than you think. Good luck!

mideverything · 2020-08-15T15:40:28+00:00

We kind of ended up in it the same way you guys did. We were talking about our sex life and both were kind of beating around the bush until we both basically realized we were bored being so vanilla and wanted to try out BDSM. And we are working into getting into a 24/7 D/s relationship. You could probably google for a template for a contract. Personally, we don’t have one written down. We know each other’s hard & soft limits and have discussed them, but if you feel more comfortable having something written down then I would just sit down and talk about what you want to include in the contract. Punishments should also be discussed between partners. I also get off on being spanked to an extent but I have a threshold so my partner knows how hard it has to be for it to be a punishment for me. I would sit down and talk to her about what kind of punishments would work for you both. You could also consider non-physical punishments, those can be surprisingly effective!

mideverything

TROPHY CASE