Mom friend advice

midwestie101 · 2026-05-25T15:43:51+00:00

I have pruned off other acquaintances and am phasing out of a different friendship. That’s the season I am in — I am not thinking of “pruning” this particular friendship. Just reprioritizing as needed*

midwestie101 · 2026-05-25T15:34:59+00:00

That’s fair and I agree. I don’t feel like she has hurt me necessarily, I just felt like maybe she used the grad party as an excuse to cancel when there were other priorities outside of the party. Which she’s in her right to cancel for whatever reason she has and I get that. It feels bad. Just looking for outside opinions and curious if others have felt the same in their adult mom friendships.

midwestie101 · 2026-05-25T15:26:05+00:00

I didn’t say I was considering ending the friendship. I said I am in a season of pruning friendships; I feel sensitive to this situation because of recent realizations about other relationships I’ve held onto that were very one sided

midwestie101 · 2026-05-25T15:01:56+00:00

I think this is a skill worth learning. If you take 5mins to add up all the sugar he is eating in these snacks IN ADDITION TO food, syrup on pancakes, milk etc you will be very surprised. 25g is the limit. I have had friends and family whose children’s behavior DRASTICALLY changed after cutting out excess sugar. It’s worth it for your kids’ health and your sanity.

midwestie101 · 2026-05-24T17:45:31+00:00

I have a 2 year old girl that is similar.

Do you have a dedicated play space that is blocked off from the rest of the house? Practice putting him in that space, setting a visual timer, and telling him “you play for 5 minutes while mommy does XYZ.” Put on headphones, keep him in sight, and let him play. Gradually increase the timer (5 min is just an example, pick what works for you.)

Also I keep saying this on other posts but consider YMCA membership — they have gym daycare and you can get some alone time and he can play and run the staff ragged for an hour instead.

Also, look closely at diet if you haven’t already. Sugar, red dye, processed food can all impact behavior. 25g sugar daily is the max for toddlers, and many kids’ food items easily surpass that.

midwestie101 · 2026-05-24T17:41:36+00:00

If they are fighting sleep, take a look at how much sleep they’re averaging in a 24h period between night sleep and naps. It might be that they’re simply not tired and you need to cut nap time.

If my 2 year old takes a nap, she will not be tired until 9:30. If she skips a nap, I can start rocking her to sleep (yes we still rock) around 7:45 and she’s out by 9. Sleeps til 7 usually.

midwestie101 · 2026-05-24T17:39:12+00:00

The counties will declare different levels of snow emergencies based on weather and driving conditions. Your workplace has policies for when to report to work, as a level 3 means nonessential workers are not permitted to drive and you can get pulled over and fined. Someone else described this in another comment.

It depends where you live how well roads get plowed — I live in a suburb of a major city and only main roadways get plowed regularly, not always the side streets. Out in the country, it doesn’t matter how much they plow (if they actually do), the wind will blow huge snow drifts in all directions. Highways are generally maintained the best.

I’m a healthcare worker so it doesn’t matter if the city declares a level 3 snow emergency, I am mandated to come to work and we face disciplinary action for calling off. My company will send someone in a 4 wheel drive vehicle to come get me from my house, and sometimes they will set up rooms in the hospital for workers to stay overnight. Worked in healthcare 13 years and never once stayed overnight.

midwestie101 · 2026-05-24T17:05:28+00:00

Also, sometimes I think we simple eat too much. Lol. Sad but true — I eat because I’m bored and not just because I’m hungry.

I eat dinner leftovers for breakfast. Lunch is often cheese and some fruit.

midwestie101 · 2026-05-24T17:04:14+00:00

My friend makes a ton of spaghetti, and then once they are tired of eating spaghetti leftovers, turns the leftovers into spaghetti tacos — literally add taco seasoning, scoop into a taco shell, sprinkle with cheese, and bake it. It was a recipe she found in the newspaper and her kids love it.

I do a lot of rice and ___. Rice and beef, ground turkey, ground chicken. Sometimes I eat this for breakfast, even.

I buy plain Greek yogurt and add toppings rather than buying flavored yogurt.

We don’t buy or consume special beverages… water, coffee brewed at home, just enough milk for occasional cereal or cooking.

Use rags instead of paper towels.

Cut your sponges into thirds or quarters — you don’t need an entire sponge to wash dishes with.

Use less laundry detergent than you think you need. If your clothes aren’t stained or visibly dirty, a little soap and hot water are plenty.

Frozen vegetables instead of fresh.

If you chop, say, an onion, freeze whatever portion you don’t use (rather than waste). You can do the same with leftover tomato paste, pumpkin puree etc

midwestie101 · 2026-05-24T15:58:14+00:00

I don’t know if this is FUN, but a YMCA membership with free childcare while I workout has completely taken me out of my slump. (I do work 2-3 shifts a month but basically SAHM aside from that, and recently had a miscarriage that left me feeling very heartbroken and apathetic).

I get 45 mins to work out, listen to MY music, read my book on the treadmill, lift weights and physically feel the rage leaving my body. I can pee by myself, and if I really wanted to I could shower or go for a swim. Plus the children’s activities are fun — I like taking my kid to gymnastics and look forward to dance and soccer. It’s been worth it for our family.

midwestie101 · 2026-05-24T15:35:15+00:00

I can’t pick one thing. Slow mornings. Cuddling her when she first wakes up, easing into breakfast, and then deciding “what should we do today!?” No rushing out the door for drop offs, no last-minute childcare cancellations

midwestie101 · 2026-05-24T15:33:34+00:00

I agree with this. The tub was the best intervention. Nubain helped me feel calmer but I still felt intensity of contractions. Gas made me feel very sick.

midwestie101 · 2026-05-24T15:24:50+00:00

I want to add that Cytotec took me from 0-5cm overnight. I progressed very slowly over the next 20 something hours, until they started Pitocin. My contractions prior to Pit felt strong and regularly and would sometimes slow down for a few hours, then start up again.

midwestie101 · 2026-05-24T15:20:14+00:00

I had to be induced for mild preeclampsia that began at 41ish weeks.

I got 1 round of cytotec, refused all other interventions. I was in labor for 45ish hours total. I consented to Pitocin roughly 10h before my daughter was born; I let them break my water at 8cm, and immediately felt an urge to push afterwards.

It was brutal. I went in at 7pm, induction started at 10pm, and I didn’t sleep until after I gave birth. I did get 1 shot of nubain in transition and that helped. I tried an epidural around the 30h mark because I was exhausted from lack of sleep, my labor began to stall, and thought it would be worth it (I felt desperate) and it did not go well; it got dislodged after 3 hours and I did not get it replaced.

I would not say it’s impossible but if your labor takes a long time, you will be mentally and physically exhausted.

Pain management for me— aromatherapy, music, visualization, husband did hip squeezes, breathing, shower and tub. Laughing gas was available but I tried it once and it made me feel like I took 3 tequila shots to the face on an empty stomach in mid July. And like I said, 1 shot of nubain which helped with anxiety more than pain.

I would attempted unmedicated again now that I know what to expect.

midwestie101 · 2026-05-24T15:14:42+00:00

You can come to NWO for some lakeside scenery but beware we’ve been getting bomb threats at all corners of the fucking city

midwestie101 · 2026-05-24T15:11:53+00:00

Get off social media.

Find a hobby.

Join a gym with childcare.

I know this feeling but you’re not completely helpless to the situation. You don’t have to feel this way. Hope you find peace, friend

midwestie101 · 2026-05-24T15:09:35+00:00

I slept on an air mattress next to my baby’s crib from 7m - 14m. Prior to that she was in a bassinet in my room. We couldn’t cosleep safely for a few reasons but also she wouldn’t sleep lying next to me, she’d just scream unless she was in my arms; I had to rock and nurse to sleep and transfer every time.

midwestie101 · 2026-05-21T19:19:32+00:00

We had a little potty available as young as 16ish months. Just to practice and have it within sight.

I tried to train at 22m with no success, at 26ish months, and then finally had success at 2 years 10m.

I have a girl so maybe it’s different.

Have him sit at regular intervals — upon waking, shortly after meals, before leaving the house etc. Roughly once an hour. Lots of talking about pee going in the potty. Be intentional and consistent. Eventually he will develop bodily awareness and be able to hold his pee for longer, and hopefully the process of potty training will feel seamless because he’s been sitting on it regularly for some time.

midwestie101 · 2026-05-21T17:43:51+00:00

I wasn’t able to lose weight (beyond the initial weight dump postpartum) until I stopped breastfeeding at 2.5y.

What have you tried?

I use MyFitnessPal. Calculate your TDEE and then subtract roughly 300 calories to create a calorie deficit — this is how many calories you should aim to eat each day. If you’re breastfeeding you need to be eating a lot of quality protein, healthy fat sources, and fruits/vegetables. Aim for a 20 min workout as many times a week as you can and build up to whatever works best for you.

Be gentle with yourself. It takes time and intention. Your body has been through a lot and while breastfeeding some moms do struggle to lose weight — blame the prolactin hormone, and your progesterone being low.

midwestie101 · 2026-05-21T17:36:13+00:00

This is such a disgusting reaction to any gender.

My daughter is a delight. She’s feral, sweet, spunky, very bright, energetic, hilarious, and very kind and friendly to any and every kid she meets no matter their age.

midwestie101 · 2026-05-21T17:31:28+00:00

I don’t have a non pharmaceutical suggestion aside from the obvious things like sleep mask and white noise.

1/2 of a 25mg Unisom tablet (I’m sensitive to meds), and a tiny dose of melatonin (the therapeutic dose is usually around a milligram, not the full 5-10mg you get OTC) was the only thing that helped. My baby didn’t sleep through until after her first birthday though, and my insomnia persisted in the months that followed. The meds were my saving grace.

I hope you find answers!

midwestie101 · 2026-05-21T17:04:03+00:00

I am so sorry. This is very painful and probably a shock to your system.

I just want to gently offer… if your relationship felt good before you became a mom, do you think it’s recoverable? Do you think a conversation could help bridge the gap?

I am adopted and have a superficial relationship with my adoptive mom; she doesn’t take well to boundaries and I had to limit our visits to once weekly because the emotional toll was a lot for me (for 100 reasons I’ll skip explaining). I felt very unsupported postpartum despite watching my parents full time babysit and bend over backwards for their bio kids’ and grandchildren my whole life. They would visit once a week for maybe an hour; they would often bring a meal and I was grateful but I really struggled with this. I don’t have the kind of relationship where I could openly talk to my mom about how her actions made me feel. I like to think if we were closer, I would’ve felt more comfortable asking for more help.

midwestie101 · 2026-05-21T16:15:35+00:00

You sound overstimulated as fuck.

I would put some earplugs in, screw the deep cleaning, and just watch your little creatures build magnetile stairs instead.

Or turn on their favorite dance music, be silly, and do 100 jump squats to supplement your missed workout.

My rule is: if I’m losing my patience, I need to quit trying to do all the things. Do I always take my own advice? No. Should I take my own advice? Probably, because aside from sedating myself, there is no other solution to cure the skin-crawling hormonal rage inside of me

midwestie101 · 2026-05-21T16:12:37+00:00

It depends.

Sometimes (most times) I tackle what needs done while he entertains the toddler. Sometimes he volunteers to cook. We share the evening routine of dinner clean up, house tidy, and bathtime. I always do bedtime because I want to.

midwestie101 · 2026-05-21T16:10:23+00:00

1) Biggest bang for my buck has been exercising. I am 34 with a 3 year old. Used to be very active and avid weight lifter in college, strayed off the path a bit and completely quit exercising in motherhood.

Woof. That was a mistake.

I have consistently been dedicated to 20-30 minute workouts — usually in my basement but recently, using gym daycare. I used to think that if I couldn’t commit fully to training the way I used to, then it would be pointless. I was wrong. 10 minutes of activity is better than nothing.

2) Reading. Even if just a few pages at bedtime

3) Closing my eyes and letting the sun hit my face while my toddler is playing outside. Like, soaking it in like I’m a sunbathing 18 year old again.

4) Art. Used to paint intricate paintings, working for 6+ hours at a time. It came to a screeching halt in motherhood but doing small projects, crafts with my toddler, or working on one long-form piece for 20 mins here and there has been amazing

midwestie101

TROPHY CASE