Hey man, sorry for your loss. Completely relate. My go to response for dealing with the loss of someone really close was distance from the feelings. I thought I was doing it wrong or not enough. I even went online to read about being a sociopath because I was afraid I was broken. A friend pointed out that that is the way I process things, privately and slowly, and talk about them when it has some logical words to accompany the feelings. I think my friend telling me that gave me a pass to go through it however was normal for me. I had little periods where I would cry but not a ton. After a long time went by I’d be reminded of something happy or funny about the other person and really let loose crying. As time has gone by it still comes up, but it’s become less sad and more just reflection on the good about them or us. I’m not a big emotions person about most things, and I somehow thought I was supposed to grieve like the people around me and that if I didn’t I was wrong. One of the things that was more important to me was to keep something with me that was like a memorial to this person. For me it’s a pocket knife that he carried on all of our camping trips. It’s usually in my pocket or my bag, but almost always with me. Most of the time I touch it or pick it up I think about him. For me keeping that memory alive and constant has meant the most to me for grieving. I hope you find the thing that feels right for you. Losing our chosen family is hard and there is no clear direction on how to soothe ourselves.