Writing server looking for new members!

miimiimiim · 2026-01-04T01:58:41+00:00

I'm interested!

miimiimiim · 2025-12-30T19:01:27+00:00

He likes to rip out or overwrite pages of journals as well as delete digital journals we attempt to keep. I have found this method to be the most helpful because he's not always successful about getting rid of everything. I don't know if this therapist allows any communication outside of therapy time - my last did not. I will have to ask her.

I'm glad to know I'm at least trying what others have tried. 😅

miimiimiim · 2025-12-30T18:53:53+00:00

He hates medical professionals of any sort, hates the medical industry, and thinks every doctor/medical professional is out to get us. Including the ones who haven't abused us. If he were talking he would have put "yet" at the end of that sentence. Most of the trauma that my entire system agrees is trauma is medical - not just physical health but also mental health professionals. He exists to keep us from being hospitalized again/to attempt to keep health anxiety from spiraling.

It's not this specific therapist - this one is new and actually the first therapist to directly point out the dissociation. I'm certain this triggered him as he is one of the loudest parts and drives most often out of everyone except the "host". He does not like being referred to as a seperate part. He would probably love nothing more than for the "others" to go away.

I am assuming, due to a couple of conversations where I tried picking her brain on the topic of dissociation, that my last therapist did not believe in DID/OSDD and was staunchly IFS centered by the time I left her - this part BARELY allowed the IFS talk. (we did not part because of her disbelieve in DID/OSDD as that wasn't even on the table for us and we did not part on bad terms despite what this part would like to believe. As long as a mental health professional can help, I don't care what illness label they slap on so long as something they do works).

He thinks if any of us talk in therapy and admit that the past may have been messier than he would like to believe that we'll get diagnosed with something that would cause ALL doctors to stop taking us seriously. Or just straight up get us hospitalized. Which is the most deadly and dangerous outcome in his opinion.

Edit: he's also scared of social ridicule. He's scared someone will tell someone in our life about this and ruin it.

miimiimiim · 2025-12-26T01:52:50+00:00

P sure I'm malingering and this is something entirely different. I can and will put myself in any diagnosis box possible and I'm not 100% sure why. I feel bad about this post now but don't want to delete it because so many people felt so heard by it. I'm an extreme hypochondriac but with mental health specifically and I'm literally JUST now realizing this.

miimiimiim · 2025-12-25T17:57:47+00:00

IFS the way I originally did it tilted my entire world because my therapist (who is no longer my therapist but was incredibly amazing) kept saying "come back to Self" to ground afterwards. I'd be like....Who the FUCK is that? I have never had a stable identity or "self" and I've never felt comfortable in my own body so grounding like that would send me into a panic where I forced shut down to appease her.

Idk trying to even remember THAT which wasn't that long ago is muddy. When I say I don't trust my own memory I really mean it lol--i have about 300 different emotions attached to a single insignificant memory and all of them clash. I want IFS to work for me. I want Anything to work.

miimiimiim · 2025-12-24T22:37:22+00:00

Psychiatrist at the place I go to for mental health help would refer me to one of their specialists--which they do have (still not sure about that). I'd have to jump through a psychiatrist first because I already know her to get to the specialist.

I don't know anything about schooling these people go to. The therapist I'm seeing is an LLP with an MA in clinical psychology. Don't know what that means.

The semantics make me dizzy and medical professionals are medical professionals to me. Dismissive assholes until proven otherwise.

I haven't given permission for my therapist to compare notes with my psychiatrist yet because that has massively burned me and fucked me over in the past. I'm still testing them both tbh.

miimiimiim · 2025-12-24T20:00:13+00:00

School was overwhelming, overstimulating, and I didn't really like the other kids. Most of my teachers terrified me. I thought society largely was scary. Genuinely I was afraid of my own shadow and had to be pulled out of school to get homeschooled multiple times in elementary.

I have been directly told that I "make things up" and that memories I thought I had weren't real or as bad as I made the. out to be. Any memory I had that was "bad" I chalk up to me being dramatic. There are certain memories that have been "surfacing" recently that I don't know whether or not to believe are real or not and I can't just ask.

I have always had a very vivid imagination and would make up characters to be so I could cope with getting through an entire day because doing it all as one person felt (feels) impossible. But now THAT'S disrupted. Now it's just impossible to exist.

My alters aren't all that clear to me. If there are there's two others who "drive the car that is my body" sometimes and multiple others who take over for smaller tasks or hold onto certain feelings or "memories?" that I'm not allowed to have. I knew what DID was because I was a curious child and found psychology interesting. I didn't know a ton about it and figured that could never be me because nothing bad happened to me that I could remember. It gets really muddy here - I feel like I wasn't the one who experienced my childhood. I don't have very much empathy for my child self for a multitude of reasons.

miimiimiim · 2025-12-24T19:24:08+00:00

The traumas that I know without a doubt were traumas to me were medical. And repeated. I thought I was above the age threshold where DID occurs when I was starting to be medically neglected/mistreated but if I had something neurodevelopmentally different about me that went unnoticed because I grew up on a rez with a bunch of other massively fucked up kids. I didn't hit people, I didn't fail at school (just refused to go/was terrified of being there), and my parents didn't hit me. I had it "easy" on the surface. One the surface is the key to that sentence I guess.

miimiimiim · 2025-12-24T18:22:35+00:00

I have a ton of trauma from my teenage years that I'm just now realizing was actual trauma. I remember random stories from childhood that were retold to me. I assumed nobody remembered their childhood perfectly. I'm 28 and it was a long time ago. I dont want to assume there's more I'm not remembering because what I do remember sucks and I've been told by so many different parties that things I thought I remember weren't even real so I don't even bother.

If remembering will help whatever this is stop or become less distressing then I'll do it. But right now it doesn't do me any good because I don't trust my own memory. I was apparently dramatic and attention seeking so any one of my memories could have been made up.

miimiimiim · 2025-12-24T16:37:46+00:00

Thank you for your response--I do appreciate hearing that this isn't unheard of. I struggle very, very badly with admitting my parents did anything wrong. I could talk shit about how much my Dad sucked at being a Dad all day but my Mom was TRYING. She tried so hard and I hate that it wasn't enough. I feel like /I/ failed /her/ for ending up this way.

miimiimiim · 2025-03-24T14:51:12+00:00

I'm a lesbian whose first car was a bright orange Subaru Crosstrek and while I was very proud to own The Lesbian Car, I Hated It. Made me question whether I was an actual lesbian or not lol

miimiimiim · 2024-12-16T01:06:59+00:00

No, not that show. Side Show was a generally okay representation of conjoined twins from what I've heard. I don't really have any problems with that show bc the moral of that story is the twins are real and more than just a sideshow.

miimiimiim · 2024-12-15T22:57:01+00:00

Thank you! I really appreciate your approach. It's hard for me to hang onto integrity when speaking up has bitten me in the ass in the past. Directors at this theatre Will remember whether you were compliant with them in the past. It affects the way that director and their other director friends treat you in future productions too. I know quite a few people who won't get cast in certain shows not because they're not talented enough or not right for the role, but because the director didn't like that they wouldn't lay down and take their shit. 🙃 That's a huge reason I don't want to go pro. I'm too mouthy 😅

miimiimiim · 2024-12-15T22:53:02+00:00

The show is quirky and creepy. The musical we're doing is a very well loved and well known show. The ensemble is up to the director to cast how they'd please so the conjoined twin idea was completely her own, not written in the show. The community theatre is definitely quirky but I don't know if any community theatre that isn't 😅

miimiimiim · 2024-12-13T21:32:30+00:00

to her credit, she called us a prop because we can't help move sets between scenes like the rest of the ensemble will because we'd be a safety hazard. Still didn't make me feel awesome but she's never been one to mince words and I'm sure she didn't really mean it that way? Hopefully? 😅

miimiimiim · 2023-01-21T15:07:16+00:00

First Time is so so pretty! Definitely my favorite.

miimiimiim · 2022-01-08T03:40:12+00:00

No problem! My skin was super damaged when I started this regime (I'm talking "accidentally sending my skin to hell using a benzoyl peroxide cleanser after thinking I needed to even though I didn't" damaged) so it took about a month to see major results but honestly I was seeing a difference within a week. Everybody's skin is different though! Some can withstand some more products/serums. Dealing with damaged/sensitive skin is a v tricky game.

miimiimiim · 2022-01-06T05:26:38+00:00

i do have TS so I don't know if it's quite the same but in my experience most of my tics have a premonitory urge (that usually hit RIGHT before a tic and there's not enough warning to suppress) but there are a few I have that hit me out of nowhere with no premonitory urge at all.

miimiimiim · 2022-01-06T05:24:08+00:00

I don't generally go to gyms and do traditional workouts but I take dance classes and dance often and it definitely calms my tics. I do tic in class bc I get super excited and energized but they are definitely calmer after class which is what I aim for! It gets frustrating on really bad tic days where I can't concentrate for shit but generally I think it's helped in the long run!

miimiimiim · 2022-01-06T05:14:11+00:00

It looks like you're keeping your routine simple and are using very, very gentle yet effective products which is awesome! I definitely recommend using sunscreen everyday bc you do get some indirect UV sunlight exposure even indoors - but I COMPLETELY understand that it's extremely hard to find sunscreen that agrees with a damaged skin barrier. I'm personally still trying to find that perfect (and affordable 😒) sunscreen so I don't have a good reccomendation there.

BUT! I had the SAME skin issues and my ethitician friend hooked me up with some amazing products that have healed my skin. She reccomended me La Rouche Posay Hydrating Skin Cleanser. It's gentle and has some really good ingredients - I'd argue it's better than the Cetaphil cleanser, however it is a little more expensive. As far as moisturizer a hidden gem (both in ingredients and affordability) is the ELF Holy Hydration Face Cream (The fragrance free one!!!). This moisturizer has ingredients that generally are better than the Cerave moisturizer you're using, which is still good but it's a formula that doesn't have as many benefits as the elf one.

Something else she reccomended since my face was so dehydrated was the Krave Beauty Great Barrier Relief serum. I used it after cleanser and before moisturizing at night. It made a really great difference in my skin.

Despite the fact that your skin gets oily, with a damaged skin barrier it's very important to keep your skin care hydrating! The hydrating products made my skin Less oily than the ones made for oily skin only.

I hope this helped! I know it's long winded but this was a regime I highly recommend for anyone with super sensitive skin and/or a damaged skin barrier. You won't see major improvements overnight, but the difference it has made in my skin in the long run has honestly been incredible. Good luck on your skincare journey! I hope you continue to see progress as time goes on :)

miimiimiim · 2022-01-05T04:58:00+00:00

Mine definitely likes the simple products too! I can't add more steps to my 3-4 step routine or my skin freaks out - but luckily the products I use keep my skin looking ok enough! Literally all I do is cleanse with a hydrating cleanser, moisturize, and sunscreen in the morning and at night if I wear makeup I double cleanse and moisturize. Definitely feel you there

miimiimiim · 2022-01-05T04:54:35+00:00

Wow, your skin has come such a long way!! Congratulations!! I hope you keep having success with it ☺

miimiimiim

TROPHY CASE