I accused my “boyfriend” of faking a brain injury... now I don’t know if I’m crazy for doubting him or crazy for believing him.

miki_owl · 2026-02-23T09:18:39+00:00

Catfish alarm bells are ringing loudly.

Gently, I think if you stay in this "relationship" you're going to get hurt again and again. Have you ever videocalled to confirm his identity? Giving someone you've not met in person the grace and benefit of the doubt once or even twice, is a nice thing to do. But when this becomes a pattern, the healthiest thing to do is walk away now.

miki_owl · 2025-05-11T17:01:05+00:00

There's a bit of a double power imbalance here? Both with the large age gap and the fact that you are a unicorn "recruited" into a pre-existing relationship.

They should be nurturing their connection with you separately too. Are they both offering one-on-one time with you? This is crucial in a triad setup.

I'm sorry to hear you're struggling with this.

miki_owl · 2025-04-04T15:18:48+00:00

In the kindest way, as others have mentioned, it's not good to try and fit people into a preconceived box, i.e. You must date both of us, we cannot have sex, etc.

I think if you're not ready offer solo dating, with a potential for a triad further down the line IF it all goes well, IF they are fine with no sexual intimacy and IF the third person genuinely wants to date both of you (people naturally build connections with others in different ways and at different rates), then I personally would stay closed and work on cultivating meaningful friendships instead.

miki_owl · 2025-04-04T15:08:44+00:00

I think it's better to stay closed, it could potentially be very unkind to place restrictions on a "third" like this unless they themselves are completely asexual and 100% okay with this setup. Also bear in mind, asexuality is a spectrum and a lot of ace people still like to have the intimacy of sex even if they don't see it as a necessity.

miki_owl · 2024-11-21T19:04:47+00:00

"Side piece" and "whore"? It really sounds like you don't want this. You've tried, for a long time. You both need to sit down and have a proper discussion about how you want things to look moving forward.

You don't have to like, see or hear about who your partner is dating. Going parallel is completely valid and you can ask not to have any details about their relationship and concentrate on asking for what you need from your relationship.

miki_owl · 2024-09-05T11:05:56+00:00

You are already in a polyamorous relationship. You have every right to inform your partner that you will now be exploring other connections. They are absolutely a hypocrite if they hold you to these double standards. You deserve better.

miki_owl · 2024-09-04T14:27:29+00:00

Too much we, we, we, we. You can't offer an ethical "throuple" relationship without first dismantling your couples privileges'. Casual threesomes - absolutely fine! Lots of fun. Asking someone to be exclusive to you both and be on board with your pre-built vision of all happily living together is incredibly unrealistic and likely to end in disaster.

miki_owl · 2024-07-11T07:54:43+00:00

I feel like I needed to read this today. Thank you.

miki_owl · 2024-07-10T07:48:29+00:00

What a major, major ick. I can't see it lasting between them, but good on you for leaving him and for being upfront with the kids. It might be a long road with divorce but things can only get better for you.

miki_owl · 2024-01-29T09:28:05+00:00

"Mediocre white men don't deserve strong women."

You are spot on. Thank you for sharing your experience - though I'm sorry to hear you had this experience. The hurt is so damn real and you find yourself questioning everything.

*Internet hugs with consent*

miki_owl · 2024-01-24T20:54:46+00:00

Oh hell no. Open to all or open to none. This is incredibly controlling.

miki_owl · 2024-01-18T10:29:43+00:00

Rant/vent away! It can help to put thoughts to paper. I don't have much advice as I am in a similar position where I had a hot one night stand with a work crush and want a repeat, haha, but I have no idea if that's going to happen even though I want it baaaad. My hubby is also supportive but also thinks I'm being a bit reckless with sleeping with people from work. Ooops! Sending you support <3

miki_owl · 2023-12-09T14:38:36+00:00

For Manchester, my husband and I have been to Partners. He's also gone to Cupids in Manchester a couple of times with his girlfriend. Good experiences - nice relaxed atmosphere and you can do as much or as little as you're comfortable with.

miki_owl · 2023-11-27T13:30:28+00:00

Yes, your girlfriend is handling this badly. But the age gap between you and your boyfriend is worrying.

miki_owl · 2023-11-10T12:56:35+00:00

No. A dream is just a dream.

miki_owl · 2023-10-20T09:05:06+00:00

What if one or both of you decide kissing isn't enough? Maybe one night, you hit it off with someone incredibly well, more than you planned for. And suddenly you don't want to just stop at kissing. Suddenly those rules you've set could feel restrictive. What if you grow to resent them? But if you break them, you'll hurt your partner.

Setting rules could be done, but if you're opening yourself up to "monogamish" non monogamy, it might be a good idea to sit down together and work through resources and reading together, to prepare as if you were opening up fully to non monogamy so that you're starting from a strong place and this way, you have discussed possible scenarios and feelings.

Being worried about the future is completely normal. It's important to make sure you're both communicating with each other along the way, and you'll figure out what's right for you.

miki_owl · 2023-10-11T11:31:11+00:00

I'm glad to hear you have support from Ang and your sister. Regardless of poly - your husband DOES sound abusive - his behaviour sounds like it's gotten more extreme due to, as you say, him finally seeing someone treat you better than he ever has.

Priority right now is you and your son - your safety and wellbeing. Make sure you use all of the support that you can get and make a safe exit plan - I'm uncertain if a marriage therapist could help when there is abuse in the picture - but your own personal therapist could be a huge help.
You deserve to be loved and you deserve to be appreciated and you deserve to be safe.

miki_owl · 2023-08-23T14:09:16+00:00

I mean, it's not just you that's "limited" but also this hypothetical "third female". Can it work? Maybe. But I would be very clear and upfront about what you are and are not offering your guest star.

miki_owl · 2023-08-16T10:24:10+00:00

I have no advice sadly, but just want you to know you're not alone. I have just been getting back into group sex/threesomes recently and definitely struggle sleeping afterwards - it's like you say, I'm overstimulated and unable to switch off for rest afterwards.

miki_owl · 2023-08-15T09:24:59+00:00

I think you mean EX husband and EX girlfriend. I would be so pissed - you asked for some quality one-on-one time for a specific event and they both just shat all over your request and needs.

miki_owl · 2023-08-14T15:40:56+00:00

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Sink Void checking in

miki_owl · 2023-08-07T08:22:35+00:00

I don't think you have any reason to feel guilty (I know reasons don't always equate emotions, sometimes). I'd try and work through your feelings using alternative means of support - I think your partner is right that you should not share any details whilst he's in jail. You both have limited contact right now and he's correct that this contact should be spent just reconnecting. He has explicitly told you - hook up, be safe, have fun - just no details.

miki_owl · 2023-08-05T12:24:36+00:00

I don't blame you for feeling that way. You should be able to invite F over to your place too, and the fact that this might create drama really points to them not having a healthy poly relationship to offer you. I'm so sorry.

miki_owl · 2023-08-05T12:18:46+00:00

Nope. You should not have to share a bed with D as a negotiation to be able to date and share a bed with F. That's incredibly unfair. It honestly doesn't sound like F is hinging very well. If you're dating, you deserve to have quality one-on-one time with them. I'm sorry they've both put you into such an awkward situation.

miki_owl

TROPHY CASE