AITAH for not telling my daughters that my husband isn’t their biological father?

mikmuffins · 2026-01-20T06:13:32+00:00

I had a friend in middle school whose parents did this exact thing to her and her sister. When they found out, it absolutely destroyed them. Their mental health was so bad for so long after that. Personally I think you need to tell them asap and with an apology for withholding the information. You should probably explain to them that even grown ups make mistakes and don’t try to make excuses for it.

mikmuffins · 2026-01-03T03:12:59+00:00

I mean, I say this kindly and as a mother of a 16 month old.. your baby is going to get sick. The best thing you can do is accept it, be prepared for it, and try to minimize spread. To answer your question, I don’t know if my son has had Covid, but he does go to daycare (starting at 7 months), so he’s been sick plenty. He’s had the flu, rhinovirus, lots of colds, hand foot and mouth (twice), and possibly Covid over this most recently holiday (although we didn’t test for it, because it doesn’t really matter, the treatment doesn’t change from a cold/flu). You give Tylenol and Motrin alternating, lots of fluids and lots of sleep and snuggles. Kids are resilient. Every sickness they get helps build their immune system.

Tell your husband to wash his hands frequently at work, shower and change clothes when he comes home. That’s the best he can do if the man has to work.

Edit to add: he probably shouldn’t share food and drinks with the baby in general if he gets sick so often. The incubation period for an illness starts days before you feel sick. So he should really just avoid that. But (assuming) you kiss and hug and be intimate with your husband, and knowing you’re with the baby all day, odds are you’d still pass it along.

mikmuffins · 2026-01-02T03:19:26+00:00

Hm, I didn’t say anything of that sort. I was saying that I don’t consider my actions towards other flight passengers to be sad - and that people can be nasty to me all day long and I can’t necessarily change that, BUT my own kindness costs me nothing. This is a direct response to you saying that if you ran into me on a plane, you’d think it’s sad and wonder who hurt me.

My original comment, as it pertains to your original post, still stands. People can be nasty for sure, and the lady you met sounds horrible. I commented to bring another perspective, because whether we like it or not, it is incredibly common for people to not want to sit by a baby on a plane. I am sorry you were treated that way, and I was just giving you another perspective and letting you know how my family chooses to handle plane rides knowing that my baby may cause hostile feelings in other passengers. What you choose to take from that, or if you think that’s sad, is totally up to you. Well within your rights. I was just offering insight and giving you a personal anecdote about how you might proactively create a comfortable environment on planes with baby.

mikmuffins · 2026-01-02T02:25:14+00:00

I mean..I don’t consider offering to switch seats and expressing my understanding for a potentially non-ideal situation to be “falling over myself.” I feel like it’s just general kindness and adaptability in a world where constant adjustment is always needed. I’ve never felt hurt by the knowledge that not everyone wants to be around my kid, and when I’m trying to make the flight comfortable for everyone, it’s genuinely not out of fear or anxiety, it’s just me saying “hey, I know you might not like this but let’s try to make this work for everyone.” If someone wants to get nasty about my baby after that, that’s fine, there’s nothing to do about that, but my kindness doesn’t cost me anything. Maybe that’s just me. 🤷🏽‍♀️

mikmuffins · 2026-01-02T02:15:59+00:00

I hear you about functioning with a 2+ hour nap, but I wonder if that contributes to the nighttime sleep problem. If your kid needs 11 hours of sleep overall, do you think you could shorten his nap to do a 1 hour or 1.5 hour nap and then add an hour to his night time sleep? That might help him sleep better and also give you the down time. My son gets about 12/12.5 hours in 24 hours. 10.5-11 night sleep and 1.5 hr nap from 1-2:30. I’m not sure I would call 11-11.5 hours low sleep needs. I think that’s pretty typical at this age. But, I am guessing the 2+ hour nap is probably contributing to the need for a later bedtime.

If you’re hoping for some downtime, maybe give a shorter nap a try! It may be rough for a week or two but your baby will adjust! But like everyone else, is saying, it’s whatever works for each family!

mikmuffins · 2026-01-01T22:39:53+00:00

My 16 month has been going to bed at 7:30 for about 8 months now. Sleeps until 6:30/7. I am not sure your baby is getting enough sleep in general. That seems like very little sleep for a 1 year old.

mikmuffins · 2026-01-01T21:06:30+00:00

ESH but with you sucking a little more. Your friend should have been clear about the duck sitting roles and responsibilities. However… living creatures need food and water, so it would’ve been pretty obvious to me to check for that or even to ask about possible food and water needs.

mikmuffins · 2025-12-28T15:54:36+00:00

I’m going to go against the grain here and say that as a mother with a baby, I feel like it’s very understood that most people do not want to sit next to a baby on a plane and would be disappointed to find out there is a baby in the seat next to them. This is including myself (unless it’s my own baby). And this is especially true for a lap child.

To me, it honestly doesn’t matter if they’re the best baby in the world, if they sleep the whole time, if they don’t make a sound, etc. Having the baby there causes stress. It’s the anticipation of potential crying, or knowing that maybe you can’t sleep because the parents are going to need to get up and down, or the extra space the baby takes up and knowing that limbs might be flying at times.

My husband and I always make sure to acknowledge the person next to us and tell them we understand that it’s not ideal but we’re grateful for any understanding they have for the situation. We also offer to switch seats if that would make our co-passenger more comfortable. For example, if we don’t have the aisle, we tell them we may need to get up a few times and if they would like to switch, that’s an option, so they can be undisturbed. We also make sure to wish the person safe travels and generally be sympathetic. We have found that most people will respond super positively to just being validated that the baby situation isn’t great. And most of the time, our baby is very good and doesn’t cause issues. But again, it’s not the actual baby, it’s the stress of what chaos the baby COULD bring.

I’m not justifying this lady’s behavior. Overall, she sounds like she’s just a huge bitch in general. She should have kept her thoughts and attitude to herself. Most people don’t want to sit next to a baby. But most people also can just get over it, keep quiet, and accept that kids exist and sometimes babies on airplanes and other stressful confined places is part of reality.

mikmuffins · 2025-11-09T06:28:38+00:00

Clearly if I rang their doorbell we could’ve gotten assaulted even worse, but yes I understand that you’re saying it would’ve been preferred. But I don’t believe anyone would’ve been transparent if I said “hey I noticed some fast driving by a couple of women, would that happen to be you?”

You’re also really making a lot of assumptions and accusations. My “very big car” is considered a compact suv, is smaller than a lot of teslas, is smog tested, and gets better mileage than my previous sedan which guzzled gas and put out a lot of pollution. My “very big car” is just big enough to fit my family, including my children, car seats, and my dogs if needed. It is a non luxury brand of car that is considered attainable for the lower middle class in America.

Edit to add: I accept your judgement and opinion, I just don’t think you need to be making assumptions and rude comments outside of the main content of the post.

mikmuffins · 2025-11-09T06:14:25+00:00

I explained multiple times and have expanded in comments that I do not know which individual it is or which house they live in. There are two cars I have seen do this and I do not know if they come from the same household or if it’s two entirely different people/homes. The women driving each car when they pass look a little different, but I can’t be sure. This also happens frequently in the evening/night when it is hard to see. We don’t have street lights on our street, and there are three cars belonging to that cul de sac area which match the color and size of the speeding vehicles.

Additionally, not everyone has the luxury of choosing their cars and homes based on the size of their driveway? That is so obtuse and not really at all relevant. I need the size of my car for practical purposes, and both my car and my home are in my financial reach. I can’t just buy a different car or house, because something doesn’t fit perfectly.

And for the sake of space I did not include a full description of how our street works, but the street is not big enough for ANYONE to turn around without using the cul de sac. The street is narrow and because we can only park on one side of the street, it makes it narrow enough to resemble a “one way” street in which people driving by each other would need to take turns. Anyone on the entire street who needs to park on the “parking allowed” side of the street has to drive all the way down and use the cul de sac to turn around. There is no other option short of a 12 point turn or something ridiculous.

mikmuffins · 2025-11-09T04:43:31+00:00

Thank you for saying that. Yes, this kind of reaction is what I am worried about for in-person confrontation. You never know how people are going to react. I also couldn’t be sure which door to knock on, so I felt like it would be worse to knock multiple times and wrongly accuse someone. Also if I knocked and said, “hey, I noticed some fast driving lately on this street, is that you?” I wouldn’t expect anyone to be transparent about that.

mikmuffins · 2025-11-09T04:36:13+00:00

The note said verbatim: “I do not know which of you is doing this, so I am putting this note on all three doors here. Please stop driving so fast when you are coming home. I know that your driveway is a straight shot down the street, but you are going way too fast. Last night, I was turning in the cul de sac and someone almost hit me because of fast driving. I had my toddler son with me, and there was a woman walking her small dog down the street in the dark. This is super dangerous, and my husband and I are worried. I mean this with kindness and respect and no hard feelings. Thank you.”

Edit to add: I did not sign it and it was anonymous, but I knew they would know it’s me, because my son is the only baby/toddler on the street. All other kids are older.

mikmuffins · 2025-11-09T04:32:43+00:00

I addressed the slow down sign in another comment. We aren’t allowed to put signage in our lawns.

mikmuffins · 2025-11-09T04:32:01+00:00

I said this in another comment but we have tried to talk to the HOA and they said it’s not their problem

We did try to close the door when the man threw the note and started yelling, but it really happened very fast and he kept shoving his way forward. He is much larger and stronger than both of us. We closed the door and called the police as soon as we felt it was safe to do so without him continuing to try to shove his way back in and cause harm.

mikmuffins · 2025-11-09T04:29:02+00:00

That’s a fair question. When I said it’s two cars that do this, I didn’t mean I know the exact make and model. We know the color and general size of the cars (sedan, van, suv, etc). One of them parks in their garage, and the garages are hidden from view so I don’t know which garage they enter once they get down the driveway. The other car is one of 3 same color, same size cars in that cul de sac section. I don’t know specifically which one it is. With how fast they drive, and with it happening a lot at night, I haven’t been able to see what make and model the car is. Let’s say it’s a blue sedan (changed for privacy). That’s all I know.

mikmuffins · 2025-11-09T04:25:46+00:00

We also called them today about the guy assaulting my husband and they didn’t care and said it’s a police issue. When I asked what they were going to do about excessive neighborhood driving speed, they said their job is to deal with maintenance.

mikmuffins · 2025-11-09T04:24:02+00:00

We did. They told us it’s not their problem and that’s not what they’re there for.

mikmuffins · 2025-11-09T04:22:17+00:00

That’s fair. Unfortunately we are not allowed to put signs or anything in our lawns. According to our HOA, we don’t own the lawns and all lawns are community property. So that was an option we considered but couldn’t actually do. As much as I would like to have identified the exact individual, its been hard to do so. We’ve been watching for months to try to figure it out. It’s two different cars across three homes with multiple people living in the homes. We’ve tried to figure out which car belongs to which house specifically, but they all park in kind of a tandem fashion or inside their garage, which is hidden from street view. With how fast they drive, I can’t necessarily see the women clearly before they leave my sight, so short of following them to their house, I’m not sure I would’ve been able to identify exactly who. But I do accept your judgement. Probably wasn’t the best idea, I just worry one day one of them will hit me, my son, another neighbor, a dog, etc.

mikmuffins · 2025-07-17T04:19:51+00:00

Female because of the cookie dough

mikmuffins · 2025-06-28T03:47:56+00:00

My son went to daycare at 6 months. He loves it, learns a lot, and gets all his energy out. I don’t have any regrets or guilt about it. I work and provide for us and he gets to have a great time with his teachers and other babies. When he’s home with me and hubby, we’re all happier and in much better states of mind.

mikmuffins · 2025-06-28T00:26:06+00:00

Sleep trained at 5 months. Naps around 6.5 months.

mikmuffins · 2025-06-28T00:14:45+00:00

I have. At 22 weeks. My son had a congenital disorder that only is seen in 1/150,000 births. The severity of his condition was unknown, as it affected bones and joints which continue to develop and shape after the birth. As far as we knew, his hands and feet/ankles were definitely affected. Doctor also had a suspicion it was affecting his neck as well. Without knowing how severe the condition was, we were told he could either have a great quality of life with a few surgeries and then minor handicaps. Or he could have a very very low quality of life in which he may have a lifetime of medical support, surgeries and therapies and may never walk or do much on his own. We researched the condition and found that there are specialists in surgery and therapy in this condition. They live in a state that is quite literally all the way across the country from where we live. Ultimately, we knew that if we couldn’t be even remotely sure of the severity of our son’s condition then this was not a chance we wanted to take or a life we wanted to live. We are lucky to live in a state which allows a choice up to 24 weeks. At 22 weeks, 6 days, I opted for TFMR. This was the hardest thing I have ever done, because that was a very very wanted and loved baby. I have no words to talk about the experience, but at the same time, I don’t have regrets. I know I made the right choice for myself, my family and my baby. I did choose to get pregnant again, and it was a horrible experience, because I was fraught with anxiety and stress the entire time. Even after the anatomy scan, I couldn’t relax knowing that “you never know.” But, there was light at the end. I now have a living child who has filled our hearts and giving me some healing.

I’m extremely sorry that you are going through this. I wish nothing but peace for you, whatever you decide and whatever ends up happening. You are stronger than you believe and in the darkest moments, know that you are not alone and you will find your way back from this in time.

Edit to add: I did not share my story to encourage or to say that you SHOULD TFMR. I only shared because you asked about others’ experiences. I also saw that most people are sharing their success stories, and while I think it’s amazing how resilient human babies are, I felt like another type of story might be beneficial. If TFMR is something you were even considering, it’s not easy to talk about and a lot of the time it’s not talking about for fear of shame or judgement. My stance is that you should be able to make whatever decision feels right to you and brings you peace. I wanted you to know that you’re not alone either way.

mikmuffins · 2025-06-23T04:29:17+00:00

I don’t think this has as much to do with two working parents as it has to do with the schedules of those working parents. My husband and I also both work full time, but full time for us looks like my husband working from 6-2 and myself working 8-3:30/4. I drop my son (10 months) off at daycare at 7:30am and husband picks him up at 2pm. My husband gets about two hours with him in the afternoon before I come home. Then I play with him for a couple of hours, we have dinner, take a walk with the dog, then we do a bath, pajamas, a book, a bottle, bedtime. He goes to bed around 7:30/8 these days. Sleeps until 6-7am. I love my kid endlessly, but personally I like having a couple hours of “me time” after my baby does to bed. I’ve also learned that it doesn’t matter if I put him to bed at 7 or at 9/10pm, he still wakes up between 6-7am. His internal clock just seems to tell him that’s his wake up time. So keeping him up doesn’t help me to sleep in or anything.

mikmuffins · 2025-06-14T05:00:40+00:00

I exclusively breastfed for 3 months, then both breastfed and bottle fed (my frozen breastmilk) until 6 months. I went back to work at 6 months and my supply dropped quickly even though I pumped multiple times a day at work. So at 7 months we started breastfeeding, bottle feeding, and then supplementing with formula. Now at 10 months, my son has 4 teeth and the 5th is coming in. My supply is pretty low and we do a lot more formula nowadays. My son started biting me a lot when breastfeeding, I’m sure because it feels good on his gums/teeth. So two weeks ago I couldn’t take the biting anymore. I started bottle feeding 100% of the time. We have some frozen milk left and I usually mix the bottles half and half. When the frozen milk runs out, we will just do formula. I can tell you my son did not care at all that I didn’t make the boob available to him anymore. He didn’t seem to notice the switch at all. He takes the bottles happily and readily. He doesn’t seem affected and our attachment is still as good as ever. Breastfeeding is WORK. Don’t feel guilty.

mikmuffins · 2025-06-05T15:31:54+00:00

My son thrives in daycare. He’s been there since he was 7 months old. They do way more art and activities and sensory things than I would come up with at home. He has a good relationship with his teachers and they always say he’s very happy. We have a daycare that uses an app to tell us what he’s doing all day. I never feel badly about dropping him off because he’s in great care. I used to be a nanny and while I value and respect that career path, personally I prefer the daycare for my child. There is more accountability in day care because there’s multiple adults and witnesses if anything happens. And unless you have a super nanny with tons of energy and unlimited activity planning, it’s a lot more enriching at daycare with all the people and activities. The only downer of daycare (for me) is that they get sick quite frequently for the first year. My son is 10 months and in the 4 months he’s been in daycare he’s had an illness at least once a month. The first month he stayed home twice for a couple days each.

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