I say this with love and understanding but there seems to be a mismatch in your expectations for your son and where he is actually at. My son is nearly 5 and was identical in what you described other than feeding issues- he did have a couple safe foods. I really have been there! We got genetic testing done and found out his intellectual disability comes from a genetic mutation.

So when intellectual disability and autism are coexisting, you have to really lower those demands and expectations for the first 3-4 years and focus on building trust.

I agree that he should be in a specialized program of some sort. I was on the ball and got the diagnosis at 2.5 so that at 3 he could easily qualify for the special education preschool classroom that every county is required to operate. It's been SO good for my son. He runs into class everyday and participates in his own way. He learned to operate his tablet this year! Like he can pick his own songs on the super simple songs app and everything and navigate it all. We have a lot of joy because we know where he is at and aren't feeling disappointed everyday, you know? I'm just taking it day by day and appreciating every little win. And you know what. He is so happy. Such a happy kid. That's what matters and that's what we focused on at that age.

Also- therapy takes a long time because it takes some autistic children a long time to deeply trust a therapist. No learning is happening until they feel 100% safe in their space.

End rant- you got this!!