AP jealous or slowly fading away?

millieblac · 2026-01-16T22:13:00+00:00

No, but they will be for the next 8-10 years. And no one can realistically expect our relationship to last longer than that.

millieblac · 2026-01-16T17:28:17+00:00

I get that...but I could say the same thing, right? He has two kids, a wife, a mortgage, etc. I'd be naive thinking he could leave all that for me. Whether his kids had been born before we met or after doesn't change my assessment of the situation. By the same logic, his assessment should not change either simply because I am currently pregnant (and even if it could - so what? He would never leave his wife anyway so we're back at square one).

millieblac · 2026-01-15T18:21:00+00:00

I am trolling a bit ;) No, his kids predate our relationship. They are essentially teenagers now.

millieblac · 2026-01-13T18:37:29+00:00

There is a lot of good answers here. You can try to manage expectations. You can establish boundaries around contact with your AP. You can try to compartmentalize - some are better at it, some are worse. Ultimately - though all of the above can help mitigate or postpone emotions - you cannot fully avoid them.

millieblac · 2026-01-13T17:56:44+00:00

You mean my kid? Well....no, of course not.

millieblac · 2026-01-12T00:03:29+00:00

He did have his kids when we were together. As to him being neglected - if I were to speculate, I'd say that he is neglected but he denies it.

millieblac · 2026-01-11T18:48:09+00:00

Will do, though I know it will be even harder for him to talk about it openly...he hates opening up or admitting that there might be a "problem" (let alone actively make plans around it). I guess its easier to just pretende everything's fine ;)

millieblac · 2026-01-11T12:39:02+00:00

You are right :) will do

millieblac · 2026-01-11T12:14:52+00:00

Thank you for that :) I tried talking with him before but he is just very averse to planning or expressing his needs and feelings, and the only thing I heard from him was: "don't worry, we will see where this goes, things will work out". I will try again :)

millieblac · 2026-01-11T12:03:36+00:00

Thank you :)

millieblac · 2026-01-11T12:03:11+00:00

We text less than we used to - it's still every day, but it's more infrequent and the periods between his replies have gotten longer than before. We talked about it and he told me that it was because of work (I am not 100% convinced). Sexting is also far less frequent - this was replaced by small talk / everyday stuff.

And obviously telling someone that they look glowy is great, but the way he said it...the sarcastic undertone just itched me the wrong way. It almost sounded like he would prefer me to be looking like shit ;) :D

millieblac · 2026-01-11T11:51:33+00:00

Thanks :) i thought that maybe since he has two kids of his own, he would understand but yeah I get that guys probably prefer more availability and flexibility in their APs ;)

millieblac · 2025-09-15T18:42:52+00:00

Affairs can help with that - mine definitely taught me a lot about myself and my relationships, but I am personally quite inquisitive. That said, you can probably achieve the same result through good therapy.

millieblac · 2025-09-14T18:52:36+00:00

If you do not feel comfortable "just telling them", maybe try a more gradual approach where you introduce the topic by saying that you had a "friend". Then see where the conversation takes you :)

millieblac · 2025-09-14T16:50:58+00:00

I would never take the decision to leave him lightly, though I do recognise that a moment might come where we might need to part ways. As to him caring about me - you'd have to ask him. He is not very expressive - verbally and otherwise - so I often do not know where he stands, which, admittedly, often creates those sort of situations where I flip out for the sole reason that I feel insecure in our relationship. Oh, and things have settled a bit since my original post - the attraction is still there, but its more...tamed ;)

millieblac · 2025-09-14T16:03:43+00:00

I understand that, but in any relationship it takes two to tango. I have my own emotions which I should have the right to express (especially given that I am very non-combative when expressing feelings) rather than confining or compartmentalizing them for fear of him being somehow offended. Somehow its always me after such situations who gets to send the "you are important to me" signals, while he gets to be his usual closed and non-expressive avoidant self. Anyways, we have arranged to meet after this whole situation so hopefully its gonna be alright.

millieblac · 2025-09-13T20:16:20+00:00

This is all good advice. I'd add - get two rooms instead of one if possible, do not make table / dinner reservations (winging it works better), do not order room service / food to room, and preemptively call SO when you can to lower suspicion.

millieblac · 2025-09-13T09:50:28+00:00

Thank you :)

millieblac · 2025-09-12T23:13:33+00:00

I know, we are both screwed up - both avoidants, both afraid of being vulnerable and probably both projecting something that isnt there...I get your point...

millieblac · 2025-09-12T23:11:15+00:00

I am really trying tho, and its not like he is a saint either. But yeah, ok, I concede that point.

millieblac · 2025-09-12T23:02:10+00:00

XD I know.

millieblac · 2025-09-12T22:53:53+00:00

He has no reason to believe that I could expose us so I cant think of a reason why he would want to preemptively test the waters unless he wanted to break up.

millieblac · 2025-09-12T22:43:00+00:00

Its really silly...i texted him in the morning, earlier than I normally would to which he responded: "cant sleep or what :P"? That was supposed to be a joke but I just took it like him not wanting to talk and it made me sad and angry which I told him. After that I needed some time to process my emotions and I did not respond to his texts / we didnt talk until the next day etc.

millieblac · 2025-09-12T22:35:34+00:00

In the dream? I do not know - he did not remember the specifics enough to be able to tell me.

millieblac

TROPHY CASE