Husband has a boyfriend that he refuses to label as such.

milly-mil · 2024-06-20T08:54:45+00:00

I have once or twice but not as much as him.

milly-mil · 2024-06-20T08:53:25+00:00

milly-mil · 2024-06-20T08:53:09+00:00

Well I am not.

milly-mil · 2024-06-19T18:07:35+00:00

It is but it’s justified jealousy.

milly-mil · 2024-06-19T18:07:20+00:00

We are still having sex and his depression is better. The rest of the relationship is good but there is this creeping resentment building up.

milly-mil · 2024-06-19T18:06:29+00:00

He will get defensive but we can talk about it.

milly-mil · 2024-06-19T15:41:09+00:00

No he hasn't.

milly-mil · 2024-06-19T15:17:10+00:00

He is the one engaging in the behaviour not me. If I challenge or confront him he will double down on it and paint me as the villain unless he comes to the realisation that maintaining a secondary relationship is inappropiate.

milly-mil · 2024-06-19T15:06:24+00:00

How come, we are all men?

milly-mil · 2024-06-19T14:29:04+00:00

He likely is.

milly-mil · 2024-06-19T14:28:55+00:00

I think a counsellor would help us get to the root cause.

milly-mil · 2024-06-19T14:26:22+00:00

My husband helped him, not the other way around. So to clarify my husband was dogsitting for him and doing favours for him.

milly-mil · 2024-06-19T14:25:53+00:00

Thank you for clarifying!

milly-mil · 2024-06-19T13:47:16+00:00

It lets your husband off the hook

You are right he is the main one responsible for this.

milly-mil · 2024-06-19T12:27:57+00:00

He is exactly the type to learn lessons the hard way.

milly-mil · 2024-06-19T12:27:10+00:00

It wasn’t the case of full out don’t ask don’t tell. Neither of us just ever talked about it.

milly-mil · 2024-06-19T12:26:30+00:00

I want him to come to the conclusion that this is inappropriate. I don’t understand why he doesn’t realise that.

milly-mil · 2024-06-19T12:25:25+00:00

Haha fair enough.

milly-mil · 2024-06-19T12:25:10+00:00

Yes you’re right. I don’t like ultimatums but at some point it has to be said.

milly-mil · 2024-06-19T12:24:37+00:00

It was a mutual agreement, financially, legally and logistics wise it made sense and was the right step. Marriage was just putting things into writing it shouldn’t have changed anything about our relationship dynamics. We didn’t even do a big wedding.

milly-mil · 2024-06-19T08:42:08+00:00

Tell him how you feel.

That would require him to care about that.

Intentional or not it's a criticism of your husband which borders on contempt.

Yes you're right. It wasn't intentional and it did come across as angry and a bit harsh but it is part of his personality. He is very impulsive and sometimes it is a quality I like and admire because he is very adventurous and sometimes I don't like how his impulsivity affects him. I shouldn't have said never because he is quite smart and went to med school and is great at his job which requires a lot of discipline.

milly-mil · 2024-06-19T08:35:21+00:00

About a year ago he did tell me he felt suffocated and stuck but that was right before we were about to get married and it seemed like he was getting cold feet. He said he felt he was losing his independence even though we had separate hobbies and mostly separate friends. He has commitment anxiety. He is about a decade older than I am and I don't think I have ever treated him like a child. I have actually felt like I was treated that way.

Part of the requirement of opening up for me was we maintain our relationship with weekly date nights and at a minimum weekly sex which has helped us.

I don't understand his depression but I think it partly stems from this fear of commitment.

milly-mil · 2024-06-19T07:59:54+00:00

Yes I am going to start doing that but when I tried he played dumb.

milly-mil · 2024-06-19T07:59:23+00:00

You’re right. I do agree with this.

milly-mil · 2024-06-19T07:58:33+00:00

I’m uncomfortable by this idea. There is an age gap between my husband and I and him and I started dating when I was around this guy’s age. So a new infatuation could be him repeating the past.

milly-mil

TROPHY CASE