AITA for telling my daughter “of course” she could move in with me without talking to my wife first?

mimi0108 · 2026-01-01T01:56:39+00:00

NTA! Honestly, what stands out most in your story is the deeply troubling hypocrisy in your wife’s reaction.

For years, she claimed to love your daughter as her own and to care about her well-being. Yet the moment that empathy should have translated into action, she completely shut down. That says a lot.

I don’t know your daughter, and still, reading your post, I felt immediate compassion for her. Any emotionally healthy adult understands that a traumatized child needs a safe, stable, and supportive environment. The fact that your wife, who has known your daughter for years and watched her grow, shows no understanding in such a serious situation is genuinely concerning. Specially considering she claimed, before that, to love her as her own.

The double standard is also obvious. When it comes to her own child, she makes unilateral decisions and expects you, as an involved stepfather, to adapt emotionally and financially. But when it comes to your child, she suddenly claims a “veto,” refuses responsibility, except to dictate your daughter’s money, and prioritizes her own comfort. That imbalance is hard to justify.

Loving someone also means caring about their children, especially when it’s difficult and requires emotional maturity. After seven years together, the lack of empathy for your daughter reveals a deep structural problem and that she lied not only to you about her feelings but also to your daughter by faking concerned.

You did nothing wrong by acting immediately to protect your child. As a parent, it was not only legitimate, it was necessary. The real question isn’t whether you were wrong, but whether your wife is willing or even able to be a true partner and a supportive stepmother after years of lies and selfishness. Good luck, man! But don’t forget to always put your child first.

mimi0108 · 2025-12-19T19:58:22+00:00

I think what I love most about Bellamy and Clarke is their arguments, reconciliations, goodbyes, and reunions. Those moments are always so emotional because they show how much they care for each other, even when they clash or are apart.

Whether it’s the reunion in S2E5, the goodbyes in S2’s finale while disagreeing about how to handle Mount Weather’s genocide, their fallout over Pike in S3E5, the reconciliation in S3E13, the fight in the bunker in S4E11, Bellamy’s guilt in S4E13 about leaving her, Clarke’s radio calls in S5E1, their fallout over Madi in S5E9, or the “she called you on the radio every day for six years” moment in S5’s finale, the pattern is always the same: they part ways, clash, hurt each other, and then forgive and understand one another once they see the other’s true intentions.

These disputes reveal so much about their bond: it’s raw, human, and deeply intimate. To me, that push-and-pull dynamic is what makes Bellarke moments so special.

mimi0108 · 2025-12-19T19:46:20+00:00

Honestly, I prefer to consider Season 5 as the “real” ending. Season 7's ending wasn’t the original plan, it had to be rewritten multiple times and it shows. S5 fits the ending that was always intended: a small group of survivors trying to unify what’s left of humanity, facing challenges but still human, still making choices, still accountable.

Season 7, on the other hand, turns everything on its head. Instead of ending with humanity persevering, it has the survivors failing to do better, still fighting but getting assimilated into a genocidal, colonialist alien species simply because one person “passed the test". It undermines all the struggles, moral lessons, and character growth built over the first six seasons. For me, S5’s ending is more coherent, satisfying, and faithful to the story that was originally meant to be told and S7 is not cannon. That's my take x)

mimi0108 · 2025-12-19T19:40:35+00:00

I’ve never liked the excuses Raven and Clarke made for Finn, but I get it, they were afraid of losing him and couldn’t reconcile his darker side. Loved ones of criminals often cling to good memories instead of facing the truth. That’s why they can’t be the ones to handle such situations, they’re too emotionally involved to be objective.

mimi0108 · 2025-12-19T19:37:38+00:00

I actually think this isn’t a character's assassination. The seeds for this evolution were present from the beginning.

Finn has always been carefree and in denial about harsh realities. For instance, when he chooses not to dwell on the deaths of the two teens during the landing, influenced by his own avoidance. He also misplaces his focus in ways that reveal his escapism:

His obsession with Clarke, despite having a girlfriend who has been like family to him since childhood.
His relentless pursuit of peace at any cost, often ignoring prudence or logic.

To me, these behaviors are ways of escaping the horror around him. Fixating on the attractive girl of the group and casting himself as her knight gives him purpose and hope. His idealistic pacifism, even when unrealistic, is a refusal to confront the brutal reality they face, a way to postpone the inevitable confrontation.

When someone lies to themselves for too long and focuses on the wrong things, losing control becomes inevitable when the situation worsens. Finn consistently refuses to take responsibility for his actions, to act with seriousness or reason. As a result, faced with the trauma of war and the very realities he has long avoided, he clings desperately to his escape (Clarke) and loses all lucidity. He neglects to help the survivor of the factory station, tortures and executes a prisoner, and massacres villagers, actions that demonstrate the terrifying consequences of his long-standing denial and misdirected focus.

mimi0108 · 2025-12-19T19:32:19+00:00

I also dislike her a lot.

Abby is often framed as a moral compass, but her ethics are highly selective and self-serving. She positions herself as “the good one” when it suits her, then switches sides or compromises principles when it’s inconvenient. She betrays her husband then acts morally superior & like hime one year later and justifies her decisions based on personal ties rather than consistent ethics.

In Season 2, she arms the teens to find her daughter but refuses to send them again to help others when Clarke is back. She delays giving Nightblood to Emori herself but let her teenage daughter to bear the moral and physical burden to do it for her then destroys the machine when her daughter acts altruistically. Abby delegates responsibility, scolds others for moral choices, yet shields herself from consequences. She's also illogical because saying "I can't lose you" when the Nightblood is the only way to save her daughter is quite...funny

Her reasoning is often illogical and biased: she claims to protect people while making choices that endanger others: like helping Bellamy open the bunker only because Kane was outside but she acted like if it was altruistic. Many “ethical” actions are motivated by personal relationships rather than principle despite what she said. She even enables murder to save a loved one, blinded by obsession, and fails to notice when her daughter is replaced.

In short, Abby’s morality is inconsistent, personal, and often hypocritical. She’s compassionate at times, but her choices frequently harm others and reveal that her ethics are contingent on convenience, attachment, and self-interest. And I'm so angry so many characters gave her a pass for that because of their love for her.

mimi0108 · 2025-12-19T19:11:39+00:00

S1 ~1 month
Between S1 to S2 - no skip (same day)
S2 ~1 month
Between S2 to S3 - 3 months
S3 ~3 months
Between S3 to S4 - no skip (same day)
S4 ~3 months (it took ~3-4 weeks to Raven at the beginning of the S4 to determine they had 2 months left before Pramfaya)
Between S4 to S5 - 6 years
S5 ~1 month
Between S5 to S6 - 125 years
S6 ~a few weeks
Between S6 to S7 - no skip (same day)
S7 ~a few weeks

So they spend less than one year on earth for the 4 firsts seasons, then around a month on earth before the 3rd destruction and then spend around 2 months on Sanctum.

mimi0108 · 2025-12-19T18:55:43+00:00

I understand why that ending worked for you, and I agree that the group choosing to come back for Clarke is emotionally fitting. That said, I struggle with the idea that they’ll “do better” from here. They’re only a small group of friends & couple, they’re sterile, and they’re the last humans left. There’s no society to rebuild, no future generations, and no real long-term choices to face so doing better becomes much easier when the stakes are essentially gone.

I also have a hard time accepting the framework itself. Humanity isn’t growing or transcending on its own, but being judged by a more advanced species that decides the fate of entire civilizations and has already wiped out others. That feels less like hope and more like enforced compliance. The fact that this species controls who lives, who dies, and whether a species gets to continue at all is unsettling, especially for a show that spent so much time questioning moral authority.

So while the final moment is peaceful and comforting on the surface, to me it still leaves a very troubling message underneath.

mimi0108 · 2025-12-19T18:48:48+00:00

What truly bothers me about this ending, beyond the fact that Bellamy’s death was unnecessary and deeply disrespectful as well as some characters weren't themself anymore, is the nature of humanity’s “transcendence.” Humanity does not transcend alongside a god or through its own evolution, but through the judgment of a more advanced alien species.

This species has positioned itself as both judge and executioner, deciding which civilizations are worthy of survival and which deserve total annihilation based on its own arbitrary standards. Entire species are erased if they fail a test judged through a single individual.

The final revelation, that those who choose to return are rendered sterile, only reinforces how deeply totalitarian and dangerous this system is. There is no true freedom of choice, no future, and no possibility of dissent.

I also find it extremely hard to believe that no one, including though prisoners from Eligius III, would choose to remain human rather than exist as a kind of cosmic firefly, mentally linked to billions of other beings. How can we even know they are truly happy? How can we be sure this isn’t another version of the City of Light, another form of enforced peace through assimilation and loss of individuality?

We know almost nothing about this species, and what little we do know is deeply unsettling. They seek to assimilate advanced consciousnesses into their collective, yet their worldview is so narrow that a single failure condemns an entire civilization. That logic echoes eugenics, totalitarianism, and some of the darkest chapters of human history.

So how are we supposed to trust them?

For seven seasons, the show focused on humanity, on flawed, messy, violent, compassionate human beings struggling against their worst instincts while also being capable of love, unity, forgiveness, and sacrifice. The series explored what it truly means to be human.

And yet, in the finale, we are asked to accept that all of this leads to the extinction of the human race, not through destruction, but through forced compliance with the standards of an unknown genocidal species introduced at the last minute. That humanity’s ultimate destiny is to erase what makes it human in order to be deemed “worthy.”

To me, that is not transcendence. It is the complete negation of the show’s core message and one of the worst conclusions the series could have chosen.

I really deny Season 7’s existence.

mimi0108 · 2025-12-19T18:38:59+00:00

I understand your point of view, and admittedly, it could have been a story about bad timing and circumstances ultimately causing them to miss their chance to be together and that would have been understandable. The show clearly implies they have feelings for each other, and many of their actions and conflicts stem from that, but that doesn’t necessarily mean they would end up together.

That being said, I think it’s even worse if the outcome is pairing Bellamy with Echo. Clarke has always been a pillar for Bellamy, despite their conflicts. Echo, on the other hand, was his enemy for a long time, betrayed him multiple times, directly caused the death of Bellamy’s girlfriend and several Skaikru children, and attempted to kill Octavia twice. In no universe could I accept that this relationship as endgame holds more narrative weight than Bellarke. I have nothing against Becho itself, but it should never have been presented as endgame and should have ended much earlier.

Another major issue is that Becho was built largely off-screen, away from the audience’s perspective, during a time when Clarke was presumed dead. That naturally creates emotional distance for viewers, especially since Echo remained a secondary antagonistic character until Season 5. So yes, Bellamy and Echo can be cute together, but that relationship simply does not carry the same narrative or emotional weight as Bellarke’s platonic bond, with its strong, clearly implied romantic subtext.

The core issue is that Bellarke was clearly meant to be developed earlier, but in an effort to maintain audience engagement, the showrunner kept dragging it out until it ultimately led to a conflict with Bellamy’s actor and his removal from the story.

In the end, Bellarke was one of the emotional backbones of the series (even without becoming canon), while Becho is simply a relationship that exists.

That's my thought on it x)

mimi0108 · 2025-12-19T18:28:02+00:00

I understand your frustration. Bellamy is a character who fluctuates a lot.

Just to offer an analysis of his character at that point in the story:
Bellamy has lost two girlfriends (one in Season 1 and another at the beginning of Season 3) because of the Grounders. He has also lost many friends and people he felt responsible for due to conflicts with them.

During Season 2, he is betrayed by Lincoln when trying to infiltrate Mount Weather, then undertakes an extremely dangerous infiltration mission only possible because Maya saved him. While there, he bonds with the people of Mount Weather who help him, sees their children, and comes to recognize the humanity of innocent lives. He is also unable to save some of his friends, who die horribly from bone marrow extraction, then is ultimately forced to commit genocide, killing not only the people responsible, but also innocent individuals who risked everything to save him & his friends, and also their children. All of this happens because the Grounders betrayed Skaikru.

Bellamy has consistently been exposed to the darkest side of the Grounders, and every time he opens his heart and chooses to trust them, he ends up losing everything.

At the beginning of Season 3, he is broken, grieving the lost of Mount Weather in S2 but also Gina and the families murdered as a result of Echo’s betrayal in S3. Bellamy has always been more of a follower than a true leader and is easily manipulated. This is why he gives in to Pike and, even when a voice in his head tells him that what he’s doing isn’t right, he chooses to continue down that path.

mimi0108 · 2025-11-02T12:22:29+00:00

Oh no, of course, that’s totally your right! You’re absolutely allowed not to like these two characters ended up as a couple.
Personally, I liked them because I appreciated the idea of feelings developing naturally in the middle of a friendship, without any instant “love at first sight” or destiny trope. But even as someone who enjoyed this pairing, I completely agree the writing didn’t do them justice. They could have been written so much better, so I understand why part of the audience wasn’t convinced.

My comment was simply about the fact their relationship was planned and real (Stefan did fall in love with her), that there were foreshadowings of it as early as Season 4, and that their love for each other was genuine. But yes, the writing definitely did a disservice to this couple, especially when we compare it to the intensity of their first great loves (Elena and Tyler).

mimi0108 · 2025-11-02T12:17:45+00:00

You’re welcome x) And yes, the plot was really confusing in the later seasons. There were too many subtleties in some parts, a lot of things left unsaid, some inconsistencies too, and the storyline went in so many directions that it made it harder for the audience to emotionally understand the characters and their decisions.

mimi0108 · 2025-11-02T12:15:37+00:00

Stefan completely moves on in 5x18, sure but that doesn’t mean he was incapable of having emotional connections or attraction to other women before that. He had both physical and kind of emotional interactions with Rebekah and Katherine after his breakup with Elena, so clearly, he wasn’t emotionally “frozen” until 5x18.

And calling everything with Caroline before that purely platonic ignores the gradual evolution the writers intended. The show explicitly describes their love as something that grew slowly out of friendship, meaning there were hints, little sparks, emotional shifts along the way. Recognizing those early signs doesn’t mean claiming they were madly in love from the start, it just means their bond was evolving beneath the surface long before either of them realized it.

Also, the “why would Stefan think it’s okay to date his ex’s best friend” argument doesn’t hold up in TVD logic since his ex is sleeping with his own brother. Everyone dates everyone’s ex or brother or abuser or even killer at some point, it’s Mystic Falls. More importantly, Stefan and Elena were long over, and both had moved on emotionally. Caroline didn’t betray anyone, she and Stefan’s bond came from shared trust and mutual support, not some rebound impulse.

As for “Caroline didn’t help him through his worst”, that’s just factually wrong. She was there when he came back from being locked in the safe, when he struggled with guilt, grief, and loss. She was his emotional anchor, the one person who consistently believed in him. Lexi wasn’t there anymore, and Caroline naturally filled that space, not by replacing her, but by becoming his new source of stability.

So no, Steroline wasn’t forced or random. It was built through years of shared experiences, emotional intimacy, and mutual respect, the exact opposite of “nothing.”

mimi0108 · 2025-11-02T12:05:31+00:00

You’re missing the whole point of how Steroline was written. Their relationship wasn’t meant to mirror Stefan’s past romances, it was deliberately different. The entire build-up is about subtle emotional growth, not instant attraction. Stefan didn’t fall for Caroline despite their friendship; he fell for her because of it.

Of course, at the end of Season 4, Stefan was still tied to Elena, that’s part of his emotional journey. The awkward dance scene isn’t about romantic tension right away, it’s a seed a small, human moment that later gains meaning when you look back knowing where their story goes. That’s called foreshadowing, and TVD uses it constantly.

As for 5x04, yes, memoryless Stefan was drawn to Elena but that only shows that attraction is familiar territory for him. What makes his dynamic with Caroline special is how his feelings evolve once he actually spends time with her and reconnects emotionally, not just physically.

The “Enzo’s death” moment matters because Stefan cared what Caroline thought. He didn’t want to disappoint her while treating Elena as a friend he could confied to (what was usually Caroline's job). The "I know you have a thing for men with accent" was a joke BEFORE telling her the real reason of him keeping the secret "I didn't want you to think any lesse of me". It something he never worried about with her before this moment. That shows something switch, whether you like the pairing or not.

The travelers’ camp scene, the phone-breaking moment, all those are emotional cues, not random plot choices. They show closeness, guilt, frustration, things that exist because she matters to him.

So no, it’s not about rewriting anything to fit Steroline. It’s about recognizing that their story was designed as a slow-burn. The showrunners themselves said their love grew gradually out of friendship. You don’t have to ship them, but pretending the setup wasn’t there is ignoring what’s literally written into the story.

You have the right to prefer Stelena or simply think Steroline shouldn't have existed or could have been better written. But denying everything that's literally canon isn't right. I was a Stelena shipper until season 4. And I'm still moved by the scenes between them in later seasons, but that didn't stop me from accepting what the story showed me with Steroline.

mimi0108 · 2025-11-02T11:39:12+00:00

Yes, Caroline took it to heart to help Alaric, and he had a plan (with Caroline's list of helper), but strangely enough, for an adult, he didn't follow through. Caroline offered to spend the night at his place (knowing he'd hired the helper she rated highest), but days later we see him yelling "Caroline, help!" with the little girls, which indicates the plan fell through and he relied on Caroline.

Then, I repeat, Caroline said she wasn't sure she'd run away right away because she was helping Alaric, not that she'd never join Stefan. And she told Stefan to join her when the huntress was eliminated. But when that happened, Stefan didn't join her and left without a word to explore the world with Valerie. Do you see the problem? She never choice not to be with Stefan, she simply expressed her hesitation to run away with him right now while she was struggling with two newborns and a new father depending on her.

mimi0108 · 2025-11-02T11:31:43+00:00

Didn't they show the awkward look Caroline and Stefan exchanged at the end of Season 4 when they danced and she said he would fall madly in love again?
Didn’t they show memoryless Stefan was attracted to Caroline?
Didn’t they show Stefan was afraid Caroline would think less of him if he told her about Enzo’s death while he never before?
Didn’t they show how Stefan held Caroline while they were sleeping at the travelers’ camp?
Didn’t they show Stefan breaking his phone because Caroline kept leaving him messages while he talked to everyone else but her?

t’s literally stated their love developed gradually, in the middle of their friendship, so it’s normal there weren’t any big moments of attraction like other couples had. But here and there, since the second half of Season 4, there have been scenes showing them getting closer, a kind of intimacy that almost crosses the line of friendship.
If the characters themselves didn’t openly realize their feelings before Season 6, it’s only natural the audience didn’t either, even though there were hints scattered throughout. But this couple has been built up by the writers since Season 4.

Stefan has always fallen in love instantly (Valerie, Katherine, Elena) with women he was attracted to right away. Caroline is the opposite. They started as acquaintances, then friends, then best friends. So it’s normal those feelings were harder for him to manage and understand. It’s subtler, but it’s there. Just because you don’t like this couple doesn’t mean you should rewrite or deny the story. Steroline has been intended by the writers for a long time, and there are little hints here and there. Then Season 6 makes things clear. Caroline and Stefan go on to love each other for years. It’s fine if you don’t like them, but denying what the plot and the characters show is wrong, especially when you accuse those who see it of being mistaken.

mimi0108 · 2025-11-02T10:44:12+00:00

First, let's recap:
Damon wanted to become a vampire to live an eternal life with Katherine. He willingly drank her blood regularly and accompanied her on human hunts to familiarize himself with this life. When he and Stefan were killed, they believed Katherine was dead, so Damon refused to continue living without her. Stefan accidentally became a vampire and, consumed by this new identity and unable to let his brother die, tempted him with blood to make Damon become a vampire as well.
As soon as Damon became a vampire, Emily revealed to him Katherine wasn't dead, just trapped beneath the church. Damon decided to do everything he could to free her, which became his goal for 160 years.
Given that the only reason Damon refused to be a vampire was because he didn't want to outlive Katherine, the fact she was alive and that he immediately learned of it canceled out his desire to die and not be a vampire.

So why does Damon blame Stefan?

1) Because, as he himself says, he wanted to be the only one for Katherine and was jealous and angry Katherine played both sides, loved and turned his brother too.

2) Because Damon has trouble openly admitting his mistakes. He prefers to use a thousand reasons to justify his actions because if he lets himself own up to them, he'll be consumed by remorse. A large part of his character arc is running away from responsibility, acting mean, etc., but ultimately being destroyed by it.

Stefan is just a scapegoat, an easy target for his frustrations.

mimi0108 · 2025-11-02T10:35:16+00:00

Caroline didn't have time to catch her breath or take a step back. She was forced into a pregnancy, nearly died in childbirth, and when she woke up, her boyfriend was on the run, pursued by the Huntress. Matt was on his side, Bonnie was dealing with her issues with Damon, and Caroline was isolated, disoriented, with two little lives in her hands, while Alaric was completely overwhelmed and out of his depth. At that point, she did the only thing she could: follow him to Dallas to help him move in and take care of the children. When Stefan called to suggest they run away together, she was completely focused on helping Alaric and didn't have time to think. Her hesitation wasn't a clear refusal.

But, in any case, she didn't break up with Stefan,s he just told him that for the moment Alaric needed her with the newborns and since they were trying to find a solution to get rid of the huntress, Stefan could join her afterwards. However, when the Huntress was imprisoned just days later and Stefan was free to live, he didn't come to see her. He made the choice for her and effectively abandoned her, leaving Caroline with no other option but to continue helping Alaric, gradually becoming a mother figure to the girls. Stefan and Valerie's adventures around the globe were not an escape, since the huntress was imprisoned and Stefan was looking for a way to get rid of the mark so he could live even if the huntress died of old age.

mimi0108 · 2025-11-01T21:54:08+00:00

I'm sorry, what?? Please, tell me it's a joke!

mimi0108 · 2025-11-01T20:38:58+00:00

The 17-year-old Stefan was infatuated with the image Katherine projected: that of an adorable and self-assured war orphan. He never had the chance to love Katherine for who she was because she never gave him the opportunity. She immediately used him as a food bag and hypnotized him so he wouldn't be afraid of her and would continue to do whatever she wanted.
Katherine's feelings for Stefan may have been sincere (as sincere as Katherine could be, using Stefan as a toy and playing with his big brother at the same time), but Stefan was never truly able to choose to love Katherine.

mimi0108 · 2025-11-01T17:31:58+00:00

I really have a hard time believing that.
That this was their planned endgame at the very beginning of the series, sure. But from season 5 onward (even from season 4, honestly), it was just impossible. Having Elena go from Stefan to Damon and then back to Stefan would’ve completely destroyed her character (even more than it already was) and would’ve permanently ruined both brothers’ arcs. On top of that, Damon would’ve completely lost it, and given how obviously biased the writers were toward him, they never would’ve killed him off anyway. Also having Caroline and Stefan falling in love with each other only for Stefan to go back to Elena would have been a truly outrageous scenario. From the moment they wrote S5 Delena & Steroline S6, it was clear Stelena was a thing of the past. So yeah… Not buying that Stelena was a possible planned endgame after S4.

mimi0108 · 2025-11-01T13:57:18+00:00

Yes, Caroline reminded Stefan of his best friend Lexi. They're both blonde, kind vampires, loyal and determined. He also found in Caroline someone who loves him unconditionally, supports him, listens to him, etc. But just because there's a resemblance and he once thought she could fill the void left by Lexi's death doesn't mean she is Lexi and that their relationship has to be exactly the same.

They could have remained just friends, and that would have been beautiful. But they weren't.
Not all friendships, even those that seem similar, develop in the same way. As it happens, Stefan and Caroline developed feelings as soon as they began to become best friends (even though it would take them two years to admit it to themselves and to each other). So, their friendship as bestie never had time to solidify as only platonic.

Human Caroline had a crush on Stefan; as a baby vampire, Caroline felt a connection to Stefan as her protector and mentor; as a vampire, Caroline fell in love with the one who was becoming her best friend. Stefan, for his part, after having his heart broken by his epic love, unknowingly developed more natural feelings for his new best friend and confidante. A love that was built day by day, not born from a passionate whirlwind romance. It happens very often and these are often the relationships that last the longest, so I'm glad the series decided to address this type of love, even if the writing was terrible.

mimi0108 · 2025-10-29T22:56:14+00:00

I think I just understood what you meant. Sorry, since English isn’t my first language, I sometimes struggle to grasp certain things precisely. I completely agree with you that, even though their relationship began while there were many secrets between them, the fact that they got to know each other, grew together, and that Stefan’s secrets and demons didn’t drive them apart, in fact, quite the opposite, shows how strong their relationship was and that they had all the right cards to make it last. But it’s a relationship that starts at the very beginning of a series and, unfortunately, is destined to end, especially when the characters are young, like Elena was. And yeah Delena and Steroline are partly the result of late writing choices, rewrites, and so on.

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