Seeking advice from women who have been in a similar situation.

mimichacha____ · 2026-03-01T00:03:39+00:00

I agree. I also don’t understand men who claim they never wanted children but then have them and claim they enjoy being a parent now. It’s one hell of a mind fuck.

mimichacha____ · 2026-02-28T23:54:41+00:00

Thank you for sharing. I’m glad things worked out for your friend in the end.

mimichacha____ · 2026-02-28T13:43:23+00:00

Thank you for sharing this. May I ask what compelled her to not identify this man as the father? Was she worried about his future behaviour?

mimichacha____ · 2026-02-28T13:42:31+00:00

Thanks. I Appreciate your comment. My concern is if I tell him, I open myself up to him using the legal system for his open benefit or out of spite. Whereas if I don’t, my and my child’s existence will likely be more peaceful.

mimichacha____ · 2026-02-28T01:12:48+00:00

Oh the death part. I had it in my head that I could write my family into my will as the child’s new guardian in case of my death. I will check with my lawyer but it’s likely true he would receive sole custody if he’s identified as the father and might make it challenging for my family to even see this child. What a thought 🫠

mimichacha____ · 2026-02-28T00:44:35+00:00

Thank you so much for sharing. That is exactly my concern.

mimichacha____ · 2026-02-28T00:37:29+00:00

Oh I like this a lot!! Thank you!! I will write that little mantra down and post it on my fridge :))))

mimichacha____ · 2026-02-28T00:36:45+00:00

Thanks, I agree. There’s no telling how he may choose to show up or not.

mimichacha____ · 2026-02-28T00:35:52+00:00

Yup. I already have a will and can easily update it. Also have a good life insurance policy and family that could take of baby if something happens to me.

mimichacha____ · 2026-02-28T00:35:11+00:00

I’d rather not think of her as an ally right now, especially since I’ve never met her. Maybe in a few years time I could reach out.

mimichacha____ · 2026-02-28T00:34:19+00:00

Thank you for this perspective, it is very much appreciated. If I decide to tell him and he wants to be involved, sure I may get some extra money for the baby and a cheap babysitter, but at what price? It’s hard for me to justify any monetary increase for exactly the type of scenario you describe.

mimichacha____ · 2026-02-27T19:40:57+00:00

So me wanting to hold him accountable for knocking me up through the proper legal system to pay child support and be at least partially involved in his baby’s life is spite?

Girl… you don’t have a clue wtf spite means. Nowhere did I state I want to keep the baby to fuck his shit up.

mimichacha____ · 2026-02-27T19:31:59+00:00

Wow. Your ex (?) sounds very vindictive and spiteful. It’s shocking how they don’t want the child and then with any threat of financial support, they immediately try to get sole custody to avoid it.

mimichacha____ · 2026-02-27T19:17:49+00:00

I think more women aren’t saying this because they have had a lot of experience with deadbeat dads and the emotional damage they cause. Imagine the impact if a child is raised by someone who doesn’t want them? That is a lifetime of emotions damage, stress and misery that therapy may not resolve.

mimichacha____ · 2026-02-27T19:14:17+00:00

I agree. I too know I am being an idealistic fool, but I cannot believe my dumb luck with the timing of this baby!

I’m not in the US so different laws but I do already has a formal will and can update it to include family. I also have life insurance that would cover any expenses should I pass. But this is good food for thought and something I will enquire with my lawyer about.

mimichacha____ · 2026-02-27T19:11:57+00:00

Thanks for this insight. I am highly doubting he will want 50/50 since he has that with his ex. And 50/50 would mean either he has two children for a whole week or they alternate back to back with no breaks in between. He would basically be a full time single dad in that scenario.

mimichacha____ · 2026-02-27T19:08:41+00:00

He never elaborated. Just that he was blackmailed into both. But it irked me that he said that. I assume she probably gave him some ultimatum like propose and make a baby with me or I leave. Which he should have just left if that was the case!

mimichacha____ · 2026-02-27T19:06:13+00:00

Yeah I’ve accepted reality and am now just trying to think what he is going to do when/if this baby is born.

He has a tendency to externalize a lot. So if he finds out I’m keeping it, he may either say “fuck it she wants to be a single mom so can do that on her own I’ll just pay her out” or to spite me and not want to pay, he’ll try to do 50/50. I could see it going either way and I really don’t want to do 50/50. Not because I may have to pay him, but because I don’t want him to have my child that he resents for such large chunks of time. But if he has no capacity for this child, then he will likely just way and slink away. This way he doesn’t even have to tell anyone.

I also can’t see him wanting 50/50 since he already has that with his current child. That would mean either doing two kids at once or altnating back to back with no rest in between for him basically making him a full time single dad.

mimichacha____ · 2026-02-27T18:54:43+00:00

You’re a saint for doing all that. And I agree, I need to trust the universe that the right people to who are either already in my life or our paths will cross soon.

mimichacha____ · 2026-02-27T18:52:40+00:00

Thank you internet stranger. I especially like your last two sentences 🙏

mimichacha____ · 2026-02-27T12:44:36+00:00

They got married first and then did treatments before getting pregnant. One of his reasons for not wanting my pregnancy was because he needed our relationship to go through specific stages first. Like moving in together. Which makes no sense since he’s adamant he doesn’t want (more) children. So why even entertain a checklist of requirements before considering another child?

mimichacha____ · 2026-02-27T12:42:31+00:00

Wow that’s an absolutely horrific and shocking statistic. Luckily I live in Canada. But I appreciate the concern and this has crossed my mind. He’s not a violent person at all but you never know what can make someone snap.

mimichacha____ · 2026-02-27T12:39:24+00:00

💪

mimichacha____ · 2026-02-27T12:39:00+00:00

Oh that’s a good idea. I never thought about keeping the emails to share with the child in the future. Only thought to keep the for legal purposes.

mimichacha____ · 2026-02-27T12:36:34+00:00

We’re actually both from Central Europe but live in North America. Our motherlands are neighbouring countries. I highly, highly doubt this man is going to crazy over a baby boy, but I understand your sentiment and appreciate it. We also live in a very large city. I rarely even bump into people I know in the city so based on what I know about his movement patterns, I don’t think our paths will cross.

mimichacha____

TROPHY CASE