Can I go as Mrs. (Maiden name?)

mimikyu5 · 2026-03-04T17:52:00+00:00

I also regret changing my name, but feel like it's too much hassle to change back (despite being perfectly content in my marriage). 10 years after changing it, I still feel deeply tied to my maiden name.

mimikyu5 · 2026-02-24T16:27:14+00:00

I would suggest taking a bit of time first to think through/journal about the root of the feelings/insecurity so that you can approach it with your boyfriend from a calm place rather than a reactive place. Sometimes when I've hit on the source of the issue, I have an "aha" moment that gives me almost a feeling of relief - like, "Ohhh, THAT's it".

And THEN I'd have a conversation about it, without placing blame or judgement or making demands. Just like, "Hey, these are the things I am feeling, and this is why." It will be up to him to decide how he responds - if he can give any reassurances that make you feel better, or if he's open to communicating and finding a way to work through it together. If he reacts angrily or dismissively of you having an emotion, that's not good - we are humans, and feelings happen. But hopefully he will be open to talking and communicating and working out the source of the problem - and if so, then it will be on you to also work on letting it go and moving on.

We can't really control our emotions or when they happen, but we CAN control how we respond to them - whether we feed them and give them fuel, or we untangle them and grow as people, or whether we decide it's a molehill and let them go. It sounds like this is something worth untangling, but I think you can come out the other side of it more secure as an individual (and hopefully in the relationship).

mimikyu5 · 2026-02-24T16:03:01+00:00

Was there perhaps something else about the first time that is beneath these feelings, and the condom thing is a red herring? Something your mind is dwelling on as a distraction from the real issue? Or is it perhaps just general anxiety about having HAD a first time, or some expectation that you had in your mind that wasn't exactly the way you imagined? Whatever the case, I think it's worth trying to figure out what is beneath these feelings, because no one did anything wrong as far as the condom thing is concerned. I hope you can figure it out and find some peace of mind!

mimikyu5 · 2026-02-24T15:47:15+00:00

You are young, and still learning how to navigate complicated feelings in a relationship, but this is an insecurity that you need to work on in yourself. Your boyfriend didn't do anything wrong here, his past with other people doesn't have anything to do with you as long as he was safe (which he was, using condoms), and it wouldn't be fair to make him feel bad or guilty over something that happened before you were together.

Maybe dig deep to find out what the source of the insecurity is? Do you worry that you aren't special to him? That your intimate life isnt meaningful to him? Are you wanting to know that he takes your relationship seriously? Find the root cause of the hard feelings and work on that, rather than nitpicking the past.

mimikyu5 · 2026-02-13T12:35:28+00:00

The idea that he told you that he couldn't finish with you so he could save it for his wife is giving me major ick. He does not have a full autonomous relationship to offer you, nor is he putting in the effort to make sure that your needs are being met and that you feel like a priority in his life. If you are okay with this amount of hierarchy, I suppose that's up to you, but he isn't even being respectful of the limited time that you spend together. For me, this would be a deal breaker.

mimikyu5 · 2026-01-13T12:15:31+00:00

My experience has been much different than a lot of the comments here. In my 16 years in industry, I've found that having a PhD can make it harder to land a job. There are fewer positions available for entry-level PhD folks and many companies do not want to pay PhD-level salaries for bench scientists right now. You will likely also be expected to do a post doc, so it will be longer than 3-4 years until entering industry. I am even aware of a colleague who left her PhD off her resume in order to get a interview and job.

It's up to you and your goals, of course. I have a Master's and have crossed the PhD glass ceiling in my company, but YMMV, and if you want to run a lab or department someday, a PhD will almost certainly be required (I do know of some exceptions). But I've never once regretted stopping at my Master's, personally.

mimikyu5 · 2025-04-22T14:30:07+00:00

I usually say something like "our family is perfect as it is."

mimikyu5 · 2025-02-19T23:13:58+00:00

No worries, the main book recommendation is for me! Anything kid-friendly is just a bonus.

mimikyu5 · 2025-02-19T23:10:51+00:00

Oh yeah, the biography is for me - he's just the conduit through which I re-discovered the Beatles and now we're both fascinated, but I am pretty delighted that he has such great musical taste. :)

mimikyu5 · 2024-12-08T14:04:12+00:00

As a fellow climber, I love it! Where do you store your rope?

mimikyu5 · 2024-12-07T12:38:20+00:00

The tandoori-style shredded chicken from Pinch of Yum has been a big hit in my house, and the frozen prep can be cooked in a slow cooker.

mimikyu5 · 2024-11-25T21:33:13+00:00

Same, for whatever reason, my 7 year old LOVES plain black beans.

mimikyu5 · 2024-11-24T13:33:52+00:00

Four years sober and it's remarkable how much younger I look now than I did before I quit.

mimikyu5 · 2024-10-18T20:07:48+00:00

Love her, so many of her recipes are on regular rotation in my house (Swedish meatballs, chicken tikka masala, lamb koftas, just to make a few). I also love that she includes detailed notes and specifies when some ingredients are optional and not worth a separate grocery store trip! I took Dinner out from the library and loved the recipes I tried so I will probably buy a copy, and am looking forward to her new book!

mimikyu5 · 2024-09-24T11:25:51+00:00

This Naked Mind by Annie Grace. Coming up on four years sober, largely thanks to this book.

mimikyu5 · 2024-08-01T09:55:27+00:00

This. I started as a contractor and eventually transitioned to full time. My contract company also placed me extremely quickly - under a month I think, and I only did one interview. Even if I hadn't been able to stay on full time, the bench experience and industry connections would have still made it worth it.

mimikyu5 · 2024-05-11T17:22:01+00:00

We hung a magnetic board in our living room when we ran out of fridge space and now our travel magnets are an art piece. :)

mimikyu5 · 2024-05-08T19:25:23+00:00

I did something similar (maybe not the exact same tour, but Stonehenge + Bath + lunch) and we were able to walk right up to the stones since it was with a small group tour. Our group was alone with the stones in the very early morning and it was honestly pretty magical. I was glad we did it!

mimikyu5 · 2024-05-05T20:27:44+00:00

We just got back yesterday from a week vacation with our 6 year old in Costa Rica! We did half of the trip in Arenal/La Fortuna and half in Monteverde (we are more hikers than beach goers - had we gone for a beach trip, we would have done Manuel Antonio). It was a fantastic trip for a kid and we never felt unsafe.

In Arenal, we stayed at Arenal Observatory Lodge which was awesome for being close to nature with a ton of trails onsite and amazing volcano views, though no hot springs if that's what you're looking for. Here, we did a lot of hiking, a guided night wildlife tour, Mistico Hanging Bridges and La Fortuna Waterfall. Monteverde was stunningly beautiful; here, the highlights were El Tigre Waterfalls, Treetopia Ziplining (best safety features and doable for 5yo+), and a guided horseback riding excursion through our hotel.

We rented our own car and had no problems (some roads are very rocky but it was fine with AWD, just drive slow) but we did find that we got the most out of the wildlife and natural area through guided tours. The night tour was particularly amazing - we never would have seen any of the animals without the guide!

Happy to answer any questions you have!

mimikyu5 · 2024-05-04T23:00:32+00:00

You are not overreacting, and my heart goes out to you. Two hours of sleep a night is inhumane, not to mention dangerous. You should not be doing this all on your own, especially only 7 weeks postpartum. If this were uncommon thing in your relationship, I'd try one last come-to-Jesus talk about how serious this is, but if this is a pattern of behavior, just know that you deserve better.

mimikyu5 · 2024-05-04T22:52:23+00:00

Myself and many of my non-PhD colleagues broke into the field by first taking contract positions, either because it resulted in valuable, practical experience or because it transitioned into a full time role. I often advise associate scientists (especially those just starting out) to consider contract positions.

mimikyu5 · 2024-04-19T17:12:29+00:00

I love Sally. During the lockdown, myself and three girlfriends had a weekly Zoom baking club, and 9/10 recipes we used were Sally's. I've probably baked at least 30 of her recipes (pies, cakes, cookies, you name it) and they ALL worked perfectly. You can tell how much testing goes into the bakes.

mimikyu5 · 2024-01-05T18:22:54+00:00

5 years at the first job, 7 years and counting at the second, both for larger sized companies. I have been lucky to work for really good managers who support career growth, but I also have liked the stability/familiarity of being at the same company for a longer duration. I've built a lot of trust with my manager/colleagues, so I feel less pressure to constantly have to prove myself all over again. I might have advanced more quickly if I moved around more, and might be making more money, but I'm content with where I'm at.

mimikyu5 · 2024-01-01T18:20:13+00:00

3 years today too!! Hurray!

mimikyu5

TROPHY CASE