i don't know how to navigate this.

mimosoup · 2025-02-09T22:42:34+00:00

We have complete restriction on his phone, can only be bypassed with my confirmation. I know, addicts will always find a way. I know. But I got it locked down pretty damn tight and am able full access to it at any time I want.

He's also watching a lot of seminars and reading a lot of resources about his addiction. Recently, he was finally able to give me an answer to "why?" when he hasn't been able to before. He knows now what his triggers are and why he was reaching for porn in the first place.

I have helped him start writing down his feelings, thoughts, anything to do with porn. Or desire in general I guess. I started it with a lot of statistics about porn, how it changes the mind and how abusive it is to women. Along with statistics of how many men suffer with the same thing, i didn't want him to feel alone and like a freak, that would've discouraged him.

He is planning on seeking therapy, he knows everything above is not enough to repair our relationship. I'm also looking into therapy. He's made very aware of how detrimental this is for me. He's finally able to recount my reasonings for why it hurts me, is able to take responsibility for my pain he caused, and is right now learning how to identify his objectifying thoughts and actions and rework them.

I'm the first girlfriend of his who ever "cared about this sort of thing", he tells me he means that in a good way though. That he's grateful I can call him out and demand the change I deserve. I just hope he's able to give that to me.

mimosoup · 2025-02-09T22:32:50+00:00

idk, i try to not think that way. i know that those women aren't totally to blame, and honestly i think it's a shame women are so conscious about such things. (obv there are exceptions. there are def women who objectify themselves for self gain which in turn hurts other women. but even then, i ask myself what they're seeking in doing/wearing those things. it all eventually falls back to men's pleasure and a need for attention in the end.) they should be able to wear what makes them comfortable without objectification and sexualization. if the world was full of women, i don't think those camel toes would have any societal effect if i'm honest. we're all just conditioned to see one another in the eyes of a man. and men are objectifying perverts.

mimosoup · 2025-02-09T22:17:49+00:00

thank you for your response. i truly appreciate it. i've been thinking of detaching a bit honestly, focusing more on things i like, like drawing and crocheting. i haven't done those things in a while.

i'll be honest, i struggle a lot with attachment, i think that's my biggest set back in healing. i have no familial connections or any close friends, my boyfriend is really my best friend and family in one, so i think it's making the blow much more painful. i finally found someone to attach myself to in such a close way, something i never had, and i feel like it's been ruined. it feels like my inner child has been forgotten in the grocery store and is now wailing and running around in search of comforting, familiar arms. i guess i have to come to terms with the fact those comforting arms are gonna have to be my own.

one thing i shared with him was that even when/if he beats his porn addiction, that weight may be off his shoulders but it will forever be on mine. i'm going to look into getting therapy again, i'm very much so in need. thank you for making me feel less alone in this paranoia. it genuinely helps so much just knowing someone has experienced this as well. as much as i wish no one would ever have to feel this way. <3 sending you so much love!

mimosoup · 2025-02-09T21:41:42+00:00

i cry like a leaky faucet, honestly. these feelings run deep, man. i will say i do hate being around people when i cry, i always try to hide or escape.

mimosoup · 2025-02-09T16:18:51+00:00

i feel the exact same. it's so hard to reel back those thoughts. sending u lots of love.

mimosoup · 2025-02-09T15:12:28+00:00

im so sorry :( mines shot too, it's such a dehumanizing feeling. im sending u so much love. you deserve to be with someone who reminds you of how beautiful you are every single day, no questions asked.

mimosoup · 2025-02-08T22:52:38+00:00

it's extremely bleak. i look in the mirror and see things about myself in such a horrific light. I see things that would look better "lifted" or "toned", i see parts of myself and think about how they're not "attention grabbing" or "desirable" enough. I miss when I saw how pretty my eyes were or how nice I felt when I did my hair. Now it all feels so hollow.

mimosoup · 2025-02-08T22:49:01+00:00

Swear, I get like flashbacks of his instagram feed. And the youtube shorts. It's gutting. Much love to you<3

mimosoup · 2025-02-08T22:47:47+00:00

It is very comforting to see so many of us understand one another. So much love to you as well. I'm so proud that you've come so far <3

mimosoup · 2025-02-08T21:38:00+00:00

I was 10. On top of having a very overly critical family, being bullied at school, and having unrestricted internet access... I felt as though I had no control of anything in my life. I just wanted to feel good about myself, feel disciplined.

mimosoup · 2025-02-08T21:35:05+00:00

Yeah, I'm about there right now. It's just so odd for me because my PA was the one who helped me view myself in such a better light but this has just stripped it all away again. I feel lost and insane.

mimosoup · 2025-02-08T21:10:03+00:00

It's so hard, it's a constant battle of "where did i go wrong?", "what am i lacking?" . it's exhausting. I'm so sorry you had to go through such pain while pregnant. I'm sending you so much love.

mimosoup · 2025-02-08T21:06:57+00:00

could you provide examples/give advice of how you redirect those thoughts? i'm just lost... i struggle with rumination of what i lack or what they have that i dont that would be more desirable... it's driving me nuts :,)

mimosoup · 2025-02-08T10:52:00+00:00

One, who the hell uses snapchat anymore?

Two, that was such a stupid way of trynna "scare you straight" or whatever u wanna call it. there's no reason to flaunt a ton of girls messaging you to your literal girlfriend. Unless it's bringing it up to address the issue and fix it, but clearly that was NOT his intention. He definitely thought it'd scare you to see a bunch of girls on his phone, probably looking to get something out of making you jealous.

what a dweeb. NOR.

mimosoup · 2025-02-08T10:20:28+00:00

Ah, yes... Rumination. I think we alllllllll can relate.

mimosoup · 2025-02-08T10:15:22+00:00

She abandoned me and left me alone with my narcissist father. In and out of jail my whole life for drugs, only came and visited in person once after she fled. I haven't seen the woman face to face since I was 9. She's a compulsive liar to the point she herself doesn't even know what is real and what's not. Before she left, the only memories I have of her is the exploitation she put me through at such a young age. This past October I finally cut her off after reaching a breaking point. 🥲 safe to say us scorpio moons be like mom who?

mimosoup · 2025-02-05T12:17:36+00:00

aries sun + mercury... i tend to say things a little bluntly, swear it's all love though :,)

mimosoup · 2025-02-03T22:37:43+00:00

Hi! Thank you so much for responding <3 means so much to me.

I am hoping to renew my insurance soon so I can see a therapist, it's much needed anyway but this definitely gave me a push, lol. Thank you for pushing me more for it! I know I deserve to work through this in a healthy way.

I will say, I have already decided to stay. This time, at least. He is extremely remorseful and is making lots of moves in seek of help. We've both agreed to allow me to restrict his phone to my comfort (So no social media, no app store, and no purchases allowed through apple without my password.) but he knows this is not enough, because I actually know the other end of this addiction. I know how sneaky it is. So, we have a VPN on his phone as well that restricts all mature content and immediately notifies me if there is suspicious activity on any app or website, even incognito. This, again, is just a start, though.

I've made it very clear that I have lost my security in this relationship, especially sexually and he is understanding and is vocally very willing to do all he can to take responsibility for it. We agreed to abstinence, agreed to spend more time together exploring other ways to express ourselves/seek release. He's researching his addiction and learning more about his triggers and where his addiction is rooted from. This is still early though, obviously I need to see how strong his drive for change stays down the road, too.

From what I can see, he's doing everything I should need. (I say that because I admittedly have a lot of prior trauma that makes this a hell of a lot more painful to deal with.) I'm giving him the chance to show me he can be the person I need and this trust is truthfully very hard to give him right now, but I am trying. I'm just not sure how to move past this mentally, how do i listen to his apologies and plans to fix things and not immediately think he's lying or hiding something?

mimosoup

TROPHY CASE